Are you alive?

Hi! Want a review?

I liked this. Maybe you should write more of it though. I wanted a place in the poem that said "then you aren't alive". I think that it would be a nice touch, simply because the title is "Are You Alive?" that or you could change the title. The middle was a nice touch as well. I am really glad that you didn't make the whole poem a variant of three lines. It would have been pretty boring. You have my applause.

Nitpicks. You should change "hurdle" to "hurdles". It would maintain the pattern, but make more sense. Also, it would be a nice touch if the last line was "Yes, you are alive". you don't even have to change the last one. Just add that in and it will make a nice finish.

Overall, good job. You are probably better at writing poetry than I am. Keep trying to improve! I hope I helped. If not, sorry.

Rachelle

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on how there are some parts with end rhymes, which give its smooth reading and well-written structure. Also how people could relate to this poem, since we have all felt sorrow or sometimes wondered why are we even alive?

Nitpick(s):

unknown yet well known to curious eyes if you say This part confuses me since the unknown cannot be well known (then it will be well-known). Maybe changing it to undiscovered lands being founded (if that makes sense) or something similar.

If you face hurdle in your course that burden maybe add an -s to -hurdle since it sounds like you are facing one hurdle (when in life, there are too many to count). Also might change -course to -path.

Overall, i believe that this poem has an amazing message since have if you done these things in life, you are then alive. If you walked along you enemies and smiled, you have lived. If you are under the cobwebs of hatred, you have lived.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

This reminds me of Zindagi Na milegi Dobara! That *Zinda ho tum* poem!

Hi there Rituparna!

Welcome to YWS!

You have a nice, kind of hopeful premise here. There's something lovely about the "aliveness" of the poem. However, I also felt that you maybe stayed in your comfort zone a bit too much here. By this, I mean that it feels like you settled for metaphors and similes that aren't very new or original - perhaps you've seen them somewhere else and liked the way they say things, so you used similar tactics. The only reason I can say this is because I myself had read similar metaphors before and that way, they're not as interesting as something completely new and innovative would be. A good example of something that you could use even more is "cobwebs of hatred". I really liked that phrase, and I have never heard it before, so it was interesting to me - much more so than if you had just said "hatred". So I guess I'm trying to encourage you to really think outside the box and come up with new ways to say stuff that we've all heard a hundred times before.

It may take some practice, but the result will be totally worth it. But you've already have a really good base to build new stuff on!

Hope that helped!

Demeter
x

Beautiful. Absolutely simply beautiful.
I love the images that flash in my head, I love the rhythm, I love the hope: it's amazing. Let's keep it short, should we?
Keep writing. Awesome poem. All the best.

Wow! Wow! Wow!
One of the finest piece of writing I came across today. Loved every bit of it. You really did a great job making it up. It was a beauty!

I always liked your poems but this one is the best of all. The rhymes, the structures, the choice of words. Everything seemed to be really nice and perfect.

You have improved a lot in this short period of time. The title, the ending, everything seems to be fixed now. I am not really gonna bother about any grammatical mistakes or any punctuation errors (I can see a couple of them here and there) but I really don't care because the rest of the poem is pretty impressive and amazing.

Thanks for sharing such a great piece of your writing. It tells how talented you are Keep writing and never forget to show us what great things you write. Stay blessed!