Hush! Hark! Stop a while to hear my song
I have flown down these rough cliffs since long.
It hurts and I bleed, and the cycle goes on…
But I move on from a gloomy dusk to a new dawn.
[I flow on under the moon and the sun]
.
I freeze in the cold north wind,
And choke in dry summer... but I never look behind.
I withstand all these challenges and all strain
Finally in monsoon I swell again…
[But I can’t wait and enjoy the blessed rain]
.
I hug myself in the dark tunnel,
I spread in the broad ways and constrict in the narrow lane,
I arc by the boulders and bend my way
I wail in pain, but I follow my own sway…
[No rocks can stop me, no obstacles delay]
.
Now and then I reach a fall,
It hurts each time, be it big or small,
Then out of pain I make a loud roar,
Yet I flow on until I reach the shore…
[I flow on without abhor]
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hmmm....now this is one interesting poem. Love it!
It's full of imagery and they all make sense. That is great!
It's about the persona's flow of life, both easy and difficult. And there's light at the end. Nice!!!
"Hursh! Hark! Stop a while to hear my song". Nice start!
This poem is lyrical, making it even more interesting. The poem is about the flow of the persona's life, but still a song. The fact that you have put them all together makes it go hand in hand with the title. Superb!
Hope I get to see much of your work soon enough. Keep up the good work!
"I flow on as I sing this song". I sure do...
Hmmm....now this is one interesting poem. Love it!
It's full of imagery and they all make sense. That is great!
It's about the persona's flow of life, both easy and difficult. And there's light at the end. Nice!!!
"Hursh! Hark! Stop a while to hear my song". Nice start!
This poem is lyrical, making it even more interesting. The poem is about the flow of the persona's life, but still a song. The fact that you have put them all together makes it go hand in hand with the title. Superb!
Hope I get to see much of your work soon enough. Keep up the good work!
"I flow on as I sing this song". I sure do...
Hmmm....now this is one interesting poem. Love it!
It's full of imagery and they all make sense. That is great!
It's about the persona's flow of life, both easy and difficult. And there's light at the end. Nice!!!
"Hursh! Hark! Stop a while to hear my song". Nice start!
This poem is lyrical, making it even more interesting. The poem is about the flow of the persona's life, but still a song. The fact that you have put them all together makes it go hand in hand with the title. Superb!
Hope I get to see much of your work soon enough. Keep up the good work!
"I flow on as I sing this song". I sure do...
thank you so much for this encouragement, i had already posted some other works and i hope you will sneak a look at them too. thank you again and i will try to keep upto the expectation
hi Siya here for review tiime. So i generally like your poem it't descriptive and not that long to so you dont have to have the stress of reading such a long poem. i would still like to point out some things like -
your poem was very vague and you couldn't explained poem properly and i know that many writers prefer that style of writing but it leaves the reader hanging. I agree with zbax that sometimes you might want to show setting, time,place and maybe even situation. i did not understand one thing though it was ;why you chose that title for your poem as it is not much related to it. in all it's a good poem but has a few rough edges. i hope you didn't find this mean or anything. keep it up and continue writing amazing poems.
thank you for this review. i chose the title as it has a different significance- it is the long life journey portrayed through the course of a river, every experience here is a metaphor, but overcoming all the difficulties live moves on... this is described by the word " i flow on" the next part "song" is the tale of her life story, also i have used some sound imageries in the poem to relate with ''song". so i think this will clear a few doubts, thank you for the suggestions i will take care of it in future...
Ohhhhh. Now i get it.
I really love this! Just a tip: Some times you might want to show setting, time, and place (though it might be hard for a poem) cause some people may not not know what your talking about.
This really beautifully written! Keep writing!
thank you so much and i would take care of these points in future...
I liked the words and the language used. It was amazing beautiful and fantastic all put together.My favorite part was when you wrote.I freeze in the cold north wind,
And choke in dry suimmer... but I never look behind.
I withstand all these challeoinges and all stpkrain
Finally in monposoon I swell again…
[Buut I can’t wait aniud enjoy the blessed rain]
I cant wait for the sequel.
I liked the words and the language used. It was amazing beautiful and fantastic all put together.My favorite part was when you wrote.I freeze in the cold north wind,
And choke in dry suimmer... but I never look behind.
I withstand all these challeoinges and all stpkrain
Finally in monposoon I swell again…
[Buut I can’t wait aniud enjoy the blessed rain]
I cant wait for the sequel.
I liked the words and the language used. It was amazing beautiful and fantastic all put together.My favorite part was when you wrote.I freeze in the cold north wind,
And choke in dry summer... but I never look behind.
I withstand all these challenges and all strain
Finally in monsoon I swell again…
[But I can’t wait and enjoy the blessed rain]
I cant wait for the sequel.
thank you so much for the appreciation...
Pretty good poem. Is it supposed to be a song? I read the first line and though maybe that was spoken and then the rest was sung but I couldn't really tell. I liked the rhyming, it was there but didn't really get in the way very much. What do the parentheticals mean?
no it is basically a poem and song is just a word which relates the poem to its life. the brackets explain her strong determination and in turn the moral we get out of the stanza's. thank you for the appreciation and i hope you will like my other works too
This was fantastic - very simply. Your use of words is beautiful, and I think you have a really nice flow to this poem. If I were to nitpick, it would only be the use of 'and I' twice in the third line, which I'm not sure was purposeful or not.
I like the use of the italics in brackets at the end of every stanza; it gives a nice consistency to the work, as much as the ability to make each line rhyme - which is a hard enough job on its own. My only issue, really, is that I can't seem to tell what the poem is about, unless it's a journey of self discovery and pain.
Otherwise, this is a great piece of work, with a fantastic opener to draw in the reader. I'm only puzzled over the title, which only has a small link to the piece, while I'm sure other titles would have more. But this is amazing - keep up the good work!
thank you so much for this review, i made the correction and i lope this title suits better....
I've got to admit, even if it were on it's own, that is a fantastic title.
thank you...