Young Writers Society

Good Job! I like the way that you used the poem to pull the reader into the story. But just a couple quick grammatical errors. When you wrote"don't yell on us" I was wondering if you meant "at us" and a couple times you said "u" instead of "you" so I don't know if you did that on purpose.
But other than that, it was very interesting, keep it up!
Mercyecho

Well, for the review I guess I'm a little late but I noticed this I'm your list of works as I was reading your poem so let's see it now.
First thing- the prologue. The poem is good and well written but I failed to see it's significance, I mean you must have a very strong reason to open your novel with that and then again the poem didn't look as a piece coming right out of the heart like you said after the poem. The lines at the end look like they are stuck in the middle of something, I didn't think it was long enough to support the poem and the things you wanted and it wasn't short enough either to cut it out. So you know where your first correction should be. I don't know if I'll get to know the significance of the poem later in the text so I can't say anything else.
Then comes the chapter, I noticed two things I've been seeing very frequently here on YWS - first haste to finish and second the-no-proofreading culture. You know Rituparna a novel is a massive work in which you invest a big part of head and a lot of time and then after that what is the benefit of all that labor when I've to pick out mistakes so small. You know poetry isn't the only thing where the beauty of the words matter, actually I think it is needed in a long text even more. I read it and I see a really good story written in a really careless way.
I'll tell you where I thought you could have improvised. First, the way you begin describing your morning of your birthday I see lack of emotions. You wrap up your talk your mother in a couple of lines, how is that even fair for a long text. Then you tell me about the school where it seems as you want the noon relevant part to be over as soon as possible so that you can get in with the story but that is a blunder on the part of a writer. But if you think that way what can expect the reader to think? You read any good novel and tell me one example where the writer hasn't given a full introduction first before getting on with the story be it Twilight or The hunger games or any one- you pick it out. See, this is how you learn to write, you read others as often you write and then you pick the good things.
Then as the story progresses I am a bit more satisfied with your work but the support lacks detail. A story can derive itself from two sources- first hand experience or second hand relay of the happening. Your looks like the second and that is the biggest thing I'll suggest you to work in. You look like narrating something to me rather than showing your story to me, cure that.
Then the place where they freeze you, you tell how your body felt but you didn't bother telling how you felt. You write at least 5 times that you were willing but you didn't make the reader feel like yourself, you didn't try to make me understand you told me to weep with you. You are not harnessing the power of words, you are the creator, the god in the novel use your power create something everlasting, something beautiful. You just have to try harder.
At last the ending, it is not engrossing enough. You should try to create a thrill in my heart to throb for the girl, and when it ends I am not hanging off a cliff I am cool and composed like who cares, if I stumble upon the next part I'll read and even if I don't I don't care. You lost the interest of the reader.
Actually picking this many things I may have made it looked way more worse but I only meant to handpick your mistakes this early in your novel so that you can improvise on those because once you get far ahead it becomes harder to write it all over again. So I'll insist to look at it again because your plot has potential but your execution has some loopholes. I am sorry if I made it look harsh I had no intention of doing so. I'll read the other ones you've posted too and I'll look forward to reading the next ones from you. All the best and keep trying, keep creating, keep writing.
P.S. - Apology on advance for any typos. Android doesn't like me all that much these days.

Well, for the review I guess I'm a little late but I noticed this I'm your list of works as I was reading your poem so let's see it now.
First thing- the prologue. The poem is good and well written but I failed to see it's significance, I mean you must have a very strong reason to open your novel with that and then again the poem didn't look as a piece coming right out of the heart like you said after the poem. The lines at the end look like they are stuck in the middle of something, I didn't think it was long enough to support the poem and the things you wanted and it wasn't short enough either to cut it out. So you know where your first correction should be. I don't know if I'll get to know the significance of the poem later in the text so I can't say anything else.
Then comes the chapter, I noticed two things I've been seeing very frequently here on YWS - first haste to finish and second the-no-proofreading culture. You know Rituparna a novel is a massive work in which you invest a big part of head and a lot of time and then after that what is the benefit of all that labor when I've to pick out mistakes so small. You know poetry isn't the only thing where the beauty of the words matter, actually I think it is needed in a long text even more. I read it and I see a really good story written in a really careless way.
I'll tell you where I thought you could have improvised. First, the way you begin describing your morning of your birthday I see lack of emotions. You wrap up your talk your mother in a couple of lines, how is that even fair for a long text. Then you tell me about the school where it seems as you want the noon relevant part to be over as soon as possible so that you can get in with the story but that is a blunder on the part of a writer. But if you think that way what can expect the reader to think? You read any good novel and tell me one example where the writer hasn't given a full introduction first before getting on with the story be it Twilight or The hunger games or any one- you pick it out. See, this is how you learn to write, you read others as often you write and then you pick the good things.
Then as the story progresses I am a bit more satisfied with your work but the support lacks detail. A story can derive itself from two sources- first hand experience or second hand relay of the happening. Your looks like the second and that is the biggest thing I'll suggest you to work in. You look like narrating something to me rather than showing your story to me, cure that.
Then the place where they freeze you, you tell how your body felt but you didn't bother telling how you felt. You write at least 5 times that you were willing but you didn't make the reader feel like yourself, you didn't try to make me understand you told me to weep with you. You are not harnessing the power of words, you are the creator, the god in the novel use your power create something everlasting, something beautiful. You just have to try harder.
At last the ending, it is not engrossing enough. You should try to create a thrill in my heart to throb for the girl, and when it ends I am not hanging off a cliff I am cool and composed like who cares, if I stumble upon the next part I'll read and even if I don't I don't care. You lost the interest of the reader.
Actually picking this many things I may have made it looked way more worse but I only meant to handpick your mistakes this early in your novel so that you can improvise on those because once you get far ahead it becomes harder to write it all over again. So I'll insist to look at it again because your plot has potential but your execution has some loopholes. I am sorry if I made it look harsh I had no intention of doing so. I'll read the other ones you've posted too and I'll look forward to reading the next ones from you. All the best and keep trying, keep creating, keep writing.
P.S. - Apology on advance for any typos. Android doesn't like me all that much these days.

Hey! Thriver here to review until chapter 2.
I'll start off from the beginning. Nice prologue. Love it, though the four paragraphs in the prologue are unnecessary. Few readers read the prologue, so it would be a miss for them. I think you wanted to put that part of the story before chapter one, though adding it would make it a chapter. I think much of the prologue stuff has already been mentioned.
Uhmmm... please review your work before submission. It helps a lot to correct some of the obvious grammatical and spelling errors we tend to make, not forgetting punctuation marks. You just never know, you might be giving out the wrong information(This is from experience).
Now to the story...
The powers to be used to defeat the Zaire would be fire, wind, earth and water. Sounds more like Avatar. But I believe you want to create your own kind of story. Fred and Lean sound to be more like Sokka and his sister. Since you've already used these characters and the powers, I highly suggest you use a different plot. Avoid using the Avatar story. If you get a reference from the story, try as much as you can to make it original, and your own piece of work. Use different strategies when it comes to the princess learning how to use her powers. Use a different strategy to defeat Zaire. And don't forget to make it super catchy, like the way you do it with your poems.
The punishment part made me laugh. Reminded me of primary school. Haha...
I await to see much of your work. Keep writing!

Hey Ritu, before I review this (the prologue only), I'm going to make a note here that this still is viewed as three chapters plus a prologue jammed into one page. Which judging from the comments you've already received isn't exactly the best format. Since you've already published the other parts separately, you should edit this so it is only the prologue.

My style of reviewing tends to be different than most, I apologise for any harshness but remember I'm not here to harm you. Just trying to help. Without further ado, let's go. You say prologue, but this is not truly a prologue.

This is what a prologue should contain and should not contain. Please read that article, chapters mistaken for prologues is a very common mistake that occurs online (not so much with real books because it's just so much easier to call a chapter a prologue online, whereas in real life, most readers actually skip the prologue. And I've seen very few well-written prologues. Prologues are very tricky little things.)

Now that's over and done with, I'll move on. Your prologue, if I may be blunt, was pretty much unnecessary. All the details there were mundane every day details, when you write, as a writer you're aiming to entertain the audience. No matter what it is you're writing, you're ultimate goal is to entertain your audience and grab their attention whilst getting your message across. Do we really need to know what time she woke up? Do we need to know what time she slept? Would it make a difference if we got rid of it? If your answer is no, then nix that information. The poem itself was a good tool to reel us in, however, you need to expand on the situation more. Develop your protagonist's thoughts on the poem more and expand to give us a bit of background and personality.

There is, also, a fair bit of 'telling' here. You've heard this a thousand times in creative writing, but what exactly does it mean? This article here gives you a pretty good insight on how to have a good balance of both. I won't repeat their points. Your prologue, was also cut off very abruptly that I was just left wondering what exactly happened. Another note, a common convention in writing is that we use words instead of the actual numerals unless the number is too big. So 9 would nine, 16 would sixteen and so forth.

I will come back and review chapter one, which will hopefully give me a better insight into this story's plot and your writing style. Have you thought about incorporating your prologue into chapter one? Because it technically is your chapter one. Just some thoughts. I hope I wasn't too harsh and have helped in some ways. If you have any questions regarding the review or about anything, feel free to ask.

-Flite

I loved it so far. But figured I would mention how their was over 50 times you misspelled something, most of which in the first quarter or so of this part, the rest closer to the ends. But it was full of misspelled words, and some places your choice of words didn't really flow as well as it could have. Their was also one part where you used the word maximum 3 or four times, it doesn't make sense how you used it using the word completely would be better because that's really what maximum means. "Maximum ambitious" "maximum envious" should be "completely ambitious" " completely envious" same for the other couple times you used the word maximum. But the only major problem I found was the numerous times words were misspelled. I stopped counting after 50.

Overall though I loved this story it was really good. The misspelled words aren't difficult to notice and figure out what you meant to say. But I get the feeling English isn't your first language from reading a lot of your poetry and this story.

Just a question is your prologue so pose to be that long?

Too long! Didnt read. LOL