Life

This is a really cool and I think that it would be a nice song. I like how you compared life to several things. You compared life to: A dream, a steady stream, a cloud, and several other things. I like the bit about travelers. This poem challenges your perspective on life itself. This is an amazing poem!
Keep writing!

This is a really cool and I think that it would be a nice song. I like how you compared life to several things. You compared life to: A dream, a steady stream, a cloud, and several other things. I like the bit about travelers. This poem challenges your perspective on life itself. This is an amazing poem!
Keep writing!

Hello.
Quite a few poems about life I see each and everyday. Each saying something different but if you look at the core of them all you'll see that they're more or less same but then it cannot be termed as lack of originality as people have views and most of the times they match. So I'll begin by saying that I've read many poems about life and they all boast of things like love, hope and all and if I am honest it becomes a little boring and tiring reading the same things over and I've again. I'll try my best.
The first line that stands out is - Life ought not be proud. You could do better but you were trying to rhyme it. Its good but only till you don't let it stop you. Here, it's not clear what you want to say.
You've compared life with a heap of sand meaning to imply that life's hopeful but I think it has the opposite meaning. A heap of sand collapses easily, it cannot be trusted and it'll blow away in the slowest breezes. So it doesn't convey what you want to.
Then, you don't wind a trumpet you blow air into it. You wind a Gramophone.
Then there's - Life is a burning hearth

Burn out bright but not your heart. No need to write burning with hearth I think. The next line, I didn't understand at all.
Then the second last line - There appear sorrow, there appear rage. Appear is a very strange word to use here, also it should be appears.
Overall, I like the simple execution, full marks for that. Tiny grammatical errors, work on them. The tone is sometimes conflicting, think about it. If you want that to be there sperate the stanzas.
Last thing I didn't like is don't copy lines. The soul of the poem lies in you and it feeds on your brain. So trust me, you don't want to inculcate lines directly, look at lines fed to you by others gather the theme they convey and create your own line. You are capable of that. You know one line can spoil the whole thing for you and that's all what matters, poetry is the expression of your spirit, you don't want anyone else into it.
Good try. Keep writing. All the best. (y)

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to begin on how i do enjoy a poem about life once in while (some are greater, than others but none the less) and how the similes/metaphor are used greatly in this poem (most poems don't use this style well).

Few nitpicks that I see in this poem:

Like is a burning hearth What is like a burning hearth? Maybe say what you describing as a burning hearth, to help people out.

Then you would discover mysteries strange This is a bit confusing or maybe it is a little wordy. try changing it to discovering strange mysteries, that call your name .

Life is a hope like heap of sand This is a little confusing since these two are nothing alike as it is (most similes have at least make sense for it to be compared.) Life is hope as of finding a clover or something similar. Also you sure add an -a before heap.

but travelers we are who go and come maybe change this to We are travelers, who come and go

Life ought not be proud This seems to be a little wordy. Life is not what it seems to be or something similar, would be best to make sense in this poem.

Overall, throughout this poem there are good messages like you should never give up on life since life would never give up on you.

I hope this helps,

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hey there! Zanda here for a review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It flows nicely, and as an avid lover of philosophy, I like how you related it to life. I also especially enjoyed the positive message about accepting and continuing.

Okay, now me really nitpicking. So I thought that the phrase "As pride to destruction heads" seemed a bit awkward and clunky; maybe you could change it to make it flow better. Perhaps (and of course you don't have to take my suggestion) you could try "As pride is destruction," or maybe "As pride leads to destruction." Also, (being very picky here) put the period next to forlorn in line 12, and put a space between the comma and "it" in line 14. (I know I'm infuriating!

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! It's a great poem, positive for a change, and very informative as well!

Keep Writing!
-Zanda

Wow. Great poem, please keep writing!