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E - Everyone

I can sing it loud

by RituparnaBhowmik


If I could be there, to hold you tight.

To gaze at your that perfect smile,

to look into your eyes and say- I feel the same.

But baby don't worry, as i've given up the game.

.

I could still shout at top of voice,

Though I know it clear I get no choice.

yet.....

[chorous] 

Baby i love you, love your voice,

love the way you make your own choice.

Love the way you laugh, love the way you smile

love the way I thought you were mine...

.

I remember the day I saw you first,

you broke your lve out of crust.

You said then you loved me, you said then you care,

But baby, I knew it, You couldn't keep the dare.

.

And now I see none to hold my hand,

to stand behind but take a stand.

yet...[as you know]

[chorous]

Baby I love you, love your voice,

love to think that I was you choice,

love the way you laugh, love the way you smile

love the way I thought you were mine...

.

When the scarlet pain, would break me all again,

and I would be there, standing all insane.

I had made you cry, I would make you smile,

I would make you feel you should 've been mine...

[ As you know]

[chorous]

Baby I love you, love your voice,

love to think that I still count a choice,

love the way you laugh, love the way you smile

love the way I thought you were mine...


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624 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 1:05 pm
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Casanova wrote a review...



Okay, Hello! Ryu(AKA Southbound) Here for a review!
Hey! Now, first off, I have to say good job, it takes guts to write a song. Even more to post them! Now, I was a little through off at the beginning, very little rhyme scheme, it felt like it was repeating the same thing over and over. I know it's about love and a break up(I'm fixing to post a song about mine!) and that it comes from the heart and everything, but I felt like it was not the best you could do, and that it could use a little bit of work. I'm not trying to be rude, or mean or anything, but honestly, it sounds more like a poem to me than anything, because the verses are not long, you have a small chorus, and it isn't all that big in general. I mean, bravo on the song itself, it's not the worst I've seen(a lot of rap is a lot worse), but it's not the best. If I hurt your feeling I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I'm just a blunt person and I hate it. But, keep working on your stuff, and keep writing and posting on YWS!
Sincerely,
Ryu(Southbound)Cevenost.






thank you for this review. i am personally not far enough from disappointment from my own work so i don't mind other pointing out that it isn't the best. i would surely try better next time



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Thu May 07, 2015 2:51 am
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dragonrider says...



Good job on this piece but I feel like it could use some work. I understand it's about love and a breakup but I did not feel any real purpose or direction driving this piece. I felt like this love would have been more realistic or tangible to the reader if we had a description of the other person. Like their physical appearance or personality traits. I would have liked "Baby I love you, I love how your head is always stuck in a book" because it would have shown this individual as a real person. Other than that, good job.

Keep on writing!

Dragonrider






thank you, its actually my first time and even i am not fully satisfied..



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Thu May 07, 2015 2:46 am
dragonrider wrote a review...



Good job on this piece but I feel like it could use some work. I understand it's about love and a breakup but I did not feel any real purpose or direction driving this piece. I felt like this love would have been more realistic or tangible to the reader if we had a description of the other person. Like their physical appearance or personality traits. I would have liked "Baby I love you, I love how your head is always stuck in a book" because it would have shown this individual as a real person. Other than that, good job.

Keep on writing!

Dragonrider




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Thu May 07, 2015 1:45 am
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Satira wrote a review...



Hello there! Satira here for a review!
So, while I'm sure, if put to music, this song would flow very smoothly and unquestionably, I have this one criticism: Lack of originality.
Don't worry, this happens to absolutely everyone, and the love song genre is a very easy place to fall into it. Love is trite- it's like that. So, I guess, you portrayed what you were trying to portray... well.
But still. This song has no substance. I've heard it a thousand million billion times. And how does this relate to you? how has love taken it's unique toll on YOU, personally? That is what it's all about, now. Love is universal- but the truth is, it's a very personal thing, different for everybody, and should you write a song about it, it should mirror that.
I just need to feel something real, something personal, and I just don't. Though your rhyming and flow is very, very good, you don't have enough purpose or direction to carry your talent through. But I bet once you find something to direct that gift towards, you're gonna be gold.
Keep working at it!!
~Satira

ps. sorry if I was harsh... I do that sometimes and I assure you, it's completely my fault :).






thank you for this encouragement, i would try my to do better next time



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Tue May 05, 2015 4:26 pm
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Sherri wrote a review...



Hey there! :)
First of all, please excuse me for my rusty reviewing. It's been a while, so this'll be a bit rough... :)
Lovely song you have here! I was curious if you had a specific tune in mind? I had a bit of trouble catching onto the rhythm at first, but I figured that was because you might've had a tune in mind when you wrote this, which would have sculpted the flow to the song. Just curious :)
Okay, I have a few nitpicks for you. First: "To gaze at your that perfect smile," I think you meant to get rid of either 'your' or 'that' but missed it. I do that all the time :D
Next "Though I know it clear I get no choice." I think you meant 'it's' but I'm not sure.
Also "you broke your lve out of crust.; You said then you loved me, you said then you care," I was wondering what 'Ive' was, and you're using past-tense, so it would be 'cared'. I know it's for the sake of the rhyme, but it didn't settle right on my tongue while I was reading.
There are also a few other minor errors, but other than that, it looks pretty good.
I did want to mention that your rhyming is all over the place. I sincerely don't mean for that to come out rude or anything; there's just not another way to say it that sounds any better. You just rhyme in a certain pattern in one stanza, but switch the format or don't rhyme at all in the next. I'm not recommending you change it or anything, I just wanted to make sure you were aware of it. :)
I really like the song, though! It's got a nice story behind it :D Have you ever written songs before?
Keep writing! I love your work :)






last question of yours gets the first answer- no, i have never ever written songs before. i have a rhythm in mind to be true that is why some lines might have more words than they are supposed to. i didn't notice the ive, its meant to be love. and i would try correcting the rest. thank you for reviewing and appreciating my work. i would try better next time




cron
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
— Samuel Butler