Young Writers Society

I feel a certain hint of introspection in this piece. The way you talk about mementos and narrow bays makes me think of them as memories, as the people, places, and things this person has seen. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I'll be the first to admit poetry isn't exactly my forte.

The only issue I have is with the line "It stopped fr some and some it overlooked." I'm sure I don't need to point out the obvious typo, but I think it could use a coma after the subject. It would look like this: "It stopped for some, and some it overlooked." That's more of a stylistic choice, though, so if you personally don't like it then ignore everything I just said.

Overall I enjoyed this little poem. It's dark and mysterious without descending into nonsense. It's cold, but not simply for the sake of frigidity.

Hey,
Awesome poem - the style with which you wrote is very different from how I usually write, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Now, onto the review...

Spelling/Grammar:
1) Whenever you use "dot, dot, dot" you should only use three periods. This is probably not a big deal to a lot of people, but it drives me crazy. Fixing your ellipses would make this poem look so much cleaner.
2) Your wrote "fr" and I think you meant "for" - that happens to the best of us.
3) There are places that in other pieces of writing I would use periods - but when writing poetry I think of punctuation as more of a tool than a necessity. Just in case though, I would review the places you decided not to use punctuation and make sure they don't get in the way of your readers understanding your message.

Other than that spelling and grammar looks super good - nice job!!

Syntax/Diction:
I noticed that you had a lot of repetition (and maybe this was intentional??) but to me it seemed a bit sloppy. Here are a few lines in which I would consider switching a word or two (these are just suggestion, you are in no way obligated to take them).
1) "the darkness as dark as bone charcoal" could be "the darkness as black as bone charcoal"
2) "it stopped for some and some it overlooked" could be "it stopped for some and others it overlooked"
3) overall, you used the words "dark" and "chilly" and "sped" a lot - in a short poem like this I would consider having more variety in your words, but that's just my opinion.

Other than that the syntax and diction in your poem very beautiful - the way you wrote it reminds me of a story book.

Imagery:
The images you create in this poem are really well written. However, there are a few I would elaborate on...
1) "the noise" - your description of it as "the noise of fury" is captivating, but I felt a bit unsatisfied. Maybe go into more detail about what the noise sounds like.
2) also, consider elaborate on the idea of "burning chilly rage" - This is an awesome oxymoron, but I think it would be interesting to further explore this idea and how something can be both those things at once.

Since my three previous lists were lists of things I'd consider changing, I'm going to make one of things I liked to end on a good note!!!

Things I Liked:
1) the phrase "burnt in my breath" - I felt like I could really feel and taste something in the back of my throat.
2) the pause between the 3rd and 4th line - this is really powerful and it reenforces how immensely important the noise is.
3) the phrase "the mingled tokens of mementos" - this is really beautiful wording and it invoked a lot of thought.
4) The contrast between the train and crossing the road on foot. This is really awesome juxtaposition!!!
5) overall, the metaphor of the train - it served well to portray a powerful journey through someone's life.

Before I end this review, just a quick question. Why just a "batch of men"? This seemed a little silly, but that's just my thoughts.

Anyways, nice poem! I hope this was helpful! Keep on writing!!

~ Summer

Hey there this was pretty good. I think you had pretty good metaphors in here. I think you did a good job and should be proud. I really did enjoy this. Just a few things you might need to work on. Just go over it and maybe edit a little and you'll be ok. I hope to see more from you in the future. Keep up the good work, and you always have room to improve. Have a good day darling.

*Hugs*

Your poem had a lot of amazing words that I am glad you used in this piece of work. You have a few places that can be touched up on.
After "And the noise" you have a space after noise before the eclipse and it doesn't need to be there.
The line "The night chills burnt in my breath", did you mean throat instead of breath?
This kinda reminds me of divergent.
Thank you for writing this, have a nice day and keep on writing.

Hello Rituparna!
That was an interesting piece of poetry you wrote up there!
"train"-remarkable usage of metaphor! I liked and understood(not everything but most of it) you wrote about up there... Overall you did a good job, but there are a couple of mistakes which I guess you would like to mend...
In the 7th line you have spelled FOR (fr) wrong.
And in the 2nd last line I guess you missed a 'the' between with and same.
Apart from that the poem was good though a little complicated. I enjoyed reading it and hope to see more of your works in the future....

FD46~