witchcraft

The imagery really stands out in this piece and I can really visualize a dark forest scene with a wax encrusted altar. "when the corpse is laid, that recently did dwell." was a little confusing, although I get what you meant, it could have been worded just a bit better. I really wish you had described the altar a bit because it would have really set the scene and feel of the poem.

Also, "The blood red blood" is a little redundant, in place of bloody, I would use a deep shade of red. Maybe burgundy or crimson. Burgundy if the blood is becoming congealed. Other than that, I love the concept of your poem, and (laugh as you may) it kinda reminded me of the hex girls from scooby doo because I'm a big dweeb.

Alright, morbid alert!

The sentence '' I witchcraft your mind and dry your tears'' doesn't make sense. The term I WITCHCRAFT YOUR MIND is grammatically incorrect. It should be ''I bewitch your mind'' or something.

Your punctuation is a bit shaky, as you haven't put capital letters in the beginning of two sentences.

Lastly, could you explain to me the meaning behind ' I loved the dove, yet chose the vulture?' Does it refer to the fact that this evil person liked the good side, but went to the dark side after all? I'm curious.

Good attempt!

Mist

Hello.

"I can suck your joys and dry your tears,

I witchcraft your mind and sicken you with fears."

I am attracted to these lines; the whole idea of rendering someone soul-less intrigues me. Personally, this poem feels like a taunt to a person who has deceived someone.

"I loved the dove yet choose the vulture."

This line makes me wonder if the dove and the vulture is referring to the same person with two different personalities. It's a fascinating line that I'm going to remember.

"Call it your shooting star, or a supernova explosion,"

This line perplexes me. The whole poem was haunting and sinister... the victim also seems to be a sinister character. However, I can't find any link between this line and the poem. Shooting star is often interpreted as a wish, so did the victim wish for this to happen to him or does shooting star signify an unpleasant surprise?

The poem as a whole is good and seems to have a lot of varying interpretations. I hope you will keep writing better and better.

Hello, hello!!! RagingLive here to review!!! First, I want to tell you I loved your work, but did find room for a few tweaks here and there.

1) "I loved the dove yet chose the vulture" this was a powerful line but I didn't quite understand how a so-called witch would 'love the dove' as a dove is usually used as a symbol of purity and love. I would have selected a different word other than love as it also rhymes with dove. While there is nothing wrong with the rhyming it took a moment to register. Also, there should be a comma after dove.

2) "The bloody red blood darkens to still" While I sort of understood what this meant and I loved the thought expressed by it, I think that the word 'blood' is overused and that you could find another term suited for that position. (i.e. "The bloody red stain darkens to still) also, 'bath', 'pool', and 'carnage' are words often associated with horror.

3) "When that corpse is laid that recently did dwell" This was powerful, but I felt that the word 'that' could be removed and replaced with 'the' to read a bit better. "When the corpse is laid that recently did dwell"
The decision is ultimately up to you by way of how you hear it in your head.

4) "Call it your shooting star" I normally think of a shooting star as good luck or a wish-upon-a-star kind of a thing. The part about the supernova though, sounded more catastrophic, like the feel you're going for.

5) The last stanza seemed a bit forced because of it's length and the fact that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense at the end. I would have liked to see it go out with more of a bang, but it can be hard to find something to rhyme with the previous line.

I think this has awesome potential and I think I would like to see more of your work sometime! Happy writing!

~RagingLive

I like the imagery you have created in this poem and your rhyming works well.

Disagreeing with SinfullyGorgeous, I think that the line 'I loved the dove yet choose the vulture.' works fine. You could put a comma after the yet if you wanted but an "I" stuffs up the rhythm of the line. (In my opinion)

In the line 'The bloody red blood darkens to still,' creates a good picture, but bloody doesn’t add any description, so It is a chance to replace it with a different adjective to give a more powerful effect. One the reader is not expecting like; Listless, lukewarm, glorious or splattered.

Reading it aloud I like the sound of "when the corpse is laid, that recently did dwell." over 'when that corpse is laid that recently did dwell.' because that isn’t repeated.

The following two lines are marvellous because they sound like a witch’s threat.
'I can suck your joys, and dry your tears,
I witchcraft your mind and sicken you with fears.'

This bit you don’t have to change but I think it degrades the rest of the poem which is wonderful.
'Call it your shooting star, or a supernova explosion,' supernova has too many symbols and makes the line to long if it is read aloud. ‘or the end of the road’ would be a more recognisable metaphor however levees you with trying to find a suitable rhyme for the last line.
In the last line 'with no exception.' feels added on to make it rhyme with explosion. No easy fixes there, however I like how you are referring to the remains which a left as a conclusion.

The poem lets the reader imagine what has happened with out spelling it out and I really enjoyed reading it. You don’t have to follow all of my suggestions but I hope they help.

I’m looking forward to reading some of your older poems because although it looks like I’ve pointed out lots of changes it is in fact really good. Keep writing, Ferran

Just Sinful dropping a review bomb.

I admired the way you expressed the darkness within these dark practices of witchcraft. And I also adored the metaphors used as well, overall this was a very interesting piece to read. It kind of made me wonder if you had experiences like this before? Probably not.

Now to the review...

I realized some grammar errors here and there that I suggest you should fix. Like here...

I loved the dove yet choose the vulture.

I loved the dove, yet, I choose the vulture.