Walking by the grey fence,
Round it's lap of moor by the aged peach,
The scorching sun soaked me, and I was thinking hence –
Why are stars beyond our reach?
Why its black that paints the universe?
Why artist’s red, paint passion of wars?
Why time does never head reverse?
Why infinity is a point much afar?
.
The sun was bright and it's aurora reached
My matchbox house, and me within.
It kissed the posters I once preached
And danced through my corner of budding dreams unseen.
Brightening my yellowed books and their inscription,
The words which once framed me-which hued my description
It fell on my scattered tools at the lawn
The crystal sphere that rainbowed at dusk and dawn.
.
It was then that I realized,
Unreachable couldn’t define an infinite existence.
As one is, and must be, sufficed
When they reach their goal, walking down that long distance.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey just here to say a few words. First off, this is a nice poem, I like how it questions things around that not many would question. It was a bit confusing on what it was hinting towards, until I reread it a couple if times. It's nice to see it's about sunlight I feel like when. You say "The crystal sphere that rainbowed at dusk and dawn" you are talking about the color spectrum. I also think that line should say it rainbowed dusk to dawn.
Anyways this was well written . Keep on writing it was really a good poem about life and the sunlight.
Keep it up with the good work
-Slaughtamelon xD
thank you for this review. i used "disk and dawn" for two reasons. firstly the sphere splits light to a perfect spectrum only when it falls at 2 perfect angle, say for this case the two angles are got in dusk and dawn. secondly "dusk"- end and darkness, while "dawn"- new hope- these are two extreme situations signifying that a rainbow covers all moments be it bad or good
thank you again, please keep reviewing my posts
That makes more sence thanks for explaining and will do.
this poem has well described the spreading of the rays of sun.the point that you describe that the golden rays spred over all o the earth. your tools were scattered. i am a bit confused of the main motive of the poem. was it about the seven rays of spectrum within white rays of sun.
you wanted to touch such divine aura but failed to do so. so you repent its a unreachable golden rays.
thank you for the review but i suppose you have mistaken with my theme. its about the seven colours of rainbow, the different situations that we face which include both light and darkness. but i hinted at a message that always aim for the brighter side
This poem sums up a lot of feelings about life, and about what we think when we are pensive; and that feeling that you get. Spine chilling.
Although I spotted a few things -and this is me being nit-picky;
"Why its black" "and its aurora reached"
I think there should be an apostrophe between the t and s; this is just me being skeptical, but it looks a bit out when you put one in on the line after.
Thanks, this really made my day.
RandomColumns
thank you for this encouraging review. i will ccorrect the typos..