Goodbye my friend
Say hello
To the beginning of the end
We've had our laughs
And we've shed our tears
We lost what was at stake
We gave in to our fears
Now we're crashing down
We're hell bound
And we don't know where to turn
We're free falling
To the shallow ground
Screaming out
But we don't hear any sound
Say hello, to goodbye
Watch and witness
Our final time
Say hello
to the end
Sit and listen,
As we say goodbye
Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, to our final time
we were trapped,
Running a race without a destination
Always comin' in last, oh the devestation
We were runnin' side by side, supposed to stay together
But you pulled up ahead, and now we're broken forever
A chain reaction with no relaxing
You say you love me, but why do I think you're acting
You look me in the eyes and tell me I'm amazing, and I start relapsing
Back in your arms, and I think we've pulled even
And you laugh in my face, you know you've got me believin'
That we're on the sage page
But now I'm gettin' older in age
And I don't think how I used to
Now, I don't fall for the same tricks I used to
I can see through the lies you tell me
But I can't see through the memories
That's what I want back, but I can't tell you enough
I can't tell you how much
I miss bein' in your arms
I guess that's why It's time to say Goobye
Say hello, to goodbye
Watch and witness
Our final time
Say hello
To the end
Sit and listen
As we say goodbye
I was only trying to forget
The memories I had with you
All the times we shared
The hell we've been through
But I always come back
to how we were before
And I guess I couldn't hack
Walking out the door
Say hello, to goodbye
watch and witness
our final time
Say hello
To the end
Sit and listen
As we say goodbye
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
All right, let's get started. By my count, I've got 10 reviews for you and I'm going to try to do them all in the next two hours.
I'd be really curious to know what kind of tune you've got in your head for this. It definitely doesn't follow traditional verse-chorus-bridge structure, unless the middle part is supposed to be a really long bridge.
This does need a good proofread. You've got a lot of really simple typos in here that kind of just show that you wrote and posted this quickly.
I think you could benefit here from being a little less figurative. Grounding the reader with specific details about the narrator's life would make this stand out just a little bit more. If this was a poem, I'd probably harp on it for being generic. But it's not a poem, and the lyrics tell less than half the story - the music would tell the rest.
Also, I was kind of confused - it's like you're saying you're frustrated how the two of you are trapped running a race and always loosing, but then it's a bad thing when they aren't running side-by-side anymore? I just feel like there are some mixed metaphors here, like you're trying to use this idea of a race to do two different things and they aren't quite gelling.
I think this is one of the more powerful sentiments in the song, and I think you could build on this more, that longing for the days of rose-tinted lenses, instead of just falling back to "I miss being in your arms."
This is a cheap, awkward rhyme. Other than that, the rhyming wasn't bad at all, but this line stood out.
Eh, I'm not too sure what to say on this. I feel like this is quite raw - refine and simplify is mostly what I'd suggest. You often fall back on cliched turns of phrase that I think you could move away from if you tried.
And that's all I've got - I hope this was somewhat helpful, as I'm not an expert on lyrics.
The middle part is rap XD. It's hip-hop
Ah, I see - I should have thought of that honestly.
A review from me.
I am guessing that this is about a breakup between a girl and a guy. If I'm wrong please correct me. I thought you did a good job of portraying such a sad subject. There's was only one mistake, but I think it was a mistype.
"That were on the sage page"
(same)
Other than that I saw no errors. Overall, a great job. I applaud you.
Have a great day and please write more like this.
AnnMath