Hi there Lightsong! Niteowl here to review this poem for the Inkmasters this fine Review Day!
Hm...so you say this was an accidental palindrome poem? I find that interesting and kind of hard to believe. I've never attempted a palindrome poem myself, but I know from those who have that it's a lot of work to get it just right. I feel like this is okay, but misses the mark. I say this because 1) there doesn't seem to be much difference in meaning between the two poems and 2) the grammar isn't exactly consistent between the two versions.
I think the strongest version of this piece may be a composite of the two versions.
This is life, however, for him -
to ascend the stairs of hierarchy -
reaching high heaven, gaining a better status
to escape his dark and restricted cocoon,
to flap his wonderful and colourful wings
This is the last stanza of version 1, but I think it would make a fine opener for Version 2 with some smoothing out. Maybe something like
"This is life for him,
ascending the stairs to high heaven,
escaping his dark cocoon to reveal
his colorful wings."
He strides on a straight path -
left, right, no meaning to him -
changes come, a force of nature -
he can do nothing but
to watch the air turns hazier,
to consume its polluted properties
Here I prefer the Version 1 order, so I'm editing that. I'm not sure what you mean by "to consume its polluted properties", so forgive me if my suggestion doesn't make sense. I also think the "forces of nature" line could be more specific (for example, are we talking fires? Floods? Tornadoes?) but I'll leave it as is for now.
He flies in a straight path-
left and right have no meaning to him-
changes come, forces of nature-
he can do nothing but watch
the air turn hazier,
absorbing more and more pollution.
Ridding these grays dusts,
a second skin he seeks to shed -
a sticking shadow, clinging to him,
to mundane everyday's learning life -
white uniforms and black trousers take him
I love the imagery here, but I do think the grammar needs some tuning up. My suggestion:
Ridding himself of this gray dust,
a second skin he seeks to shed-
a sticking shadow that clings to him
of mundane everyday life
in white uniforms and black trousers.
Every today is yesterday's tomorrow -
tomorrow has no clarity but -
would wake up and breath,
wakes up and breathes,
he woke up and breathed
yesterday, today and tomorrow -
three faces of the same head -
yesterday, today and tomorrow
Okay, my main issue with this stanza is that there is too much repetition all crammed into a few lines. I would make it a little bit cleaner.
Tomorrow has no clarity but he
will wake up and breathe,
wakes up and breathes,
woke up and breathed.
Every today is yesterday's tomorrow.
Overall, I think you have a lot of interesting ideas going on, and I love how you plunged into the palindrome challenge. For a final product, I would play around with stanza and line order and polish up the wording. My suggestions are just that--suggestions. Keep writing!

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