​We Act as if Everything is Fine and Smooth

Hey there! Thanks for requesting a review in my review thread. Let's get straight to it, then.

I am not a fan of political poems - in my opinion, they tend to just inflame opinions that people already have rather than persuading them to look at something differently. Furthermore, they tend not to be poetry, just a thinly veiled argument with none of the flow and rhythm that defines poetry.

Flow
Unfortunately, you poem falls into that category. It's blunt, and there isn't much flow to it. You have stuck to a particular style admirably, but the words do not evoke feeling (except for something I'll get to later). The flow of the piece reads more like prose than poetry. I could remove all the line breaks and get a perfectly functioning paragraph that could go in an essay. Poetry is not prose with extra line breaks and weird punctuation.


However, the blunt flow wouldn't be that much of a problem were it not for what you are saying with it.

Content
The problem is, your poem is rather accusatory. I'm pretty sure you didn't intend it that way, but it is. In plain, simple language, you ask pointed questions to the reader, accusing them of being racist or religiously intolerant. You don't even ask if the reader has done this, you ask them how many times. I'm sure you know that not everyone is Xist, but your poem makes it sound like you do. Far from making the reader re-think their "bigoted" ways, this approach usually does one of two things:

1. If the reader has not done these things, they are annoyed that you assume they have. This tends to decrease their sympathy towards those who are fighting for equality, as they are sick of being called bigots when they really aren't. (This, quite honestly, is me.)

2. If the reader has done these things, they might feel guilty, but since they feel like they are being accused, they aren't very likely to willingly change. You can't change someone by accusing them of bigotry over and over again.


In short, this poem is full of good intentions, trying to call out racists and people who are religiously intolerant, but accusing them is not going to make them change, and it doesn't make for a very pleasant poem.

But never fear! I will now give suggestions on how to re-work this and make it more powerful and less inflammatory.

Suggestions
1. Tell a story, and focus on the details. There's a quote in the quote generator that reads:

The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price

Very good! I have to say that your poem really struck truth. It spoke to a deeply personal topic, and spoke it with a nice rhythm. In Fact, when I read it, I somehow read it as if it was a song! And what you said in your poem really happens, not just in Malaysia, but all around the world. It's true that even myself, at times, has acted in precisely the way you said in your poem. It really struck home with me on that point! There were just a couple of minor grammatical errors and sentences that could be said a little better. For example, i think that 'Although we differ in skin colour.' would be better said as 'Although we differ in complexion' as it reduces the number of syllables in the sentence, and evens it's length closer to the other sentences in the stanza, making the poem's pace more even. Also 'we can live with harmony' seems a little wrong to me. I think 'we can live in harmony' would sound better and make a little more sense. Also, I think the poem would flow better if you added commas after each sentence that doesn't end with a full stop. however, all in all, this is a very good poem, and I can't wait to see more from you! Please keep writing!
-Zeus