Humans who are not aware of their strength -
free yourself from that cloak of insecurity,
show yourself, a masterpiece creation,
admire your face; mouth and eyes, nose and ears,
awake from the realm of nervousness,
erase the feeling of unworthiness,
blow it to the boundless sky.
No one has the right to say,
“You are ugly, you are weak, you are useless.”
Those aspects they have commented -
it is you to decide whether they are true or not.
Show them your hidden strength,
that you are beautiful, you are strong, you are useful
Never let them have the opportunity to say otherwise.
Today is not the time to hide behind the curtain or the blanket.
Today is not the time to separate you away from the others
because of the weaknesses you think you have.
Today is a day where the sun shines brightly
and the moon blesses its light.
Rise and show it to them
you are wonderful in your own way.
Join with the mighty and brave sun with its warming light,
immerse yourself with the moon that brightens the night
because you are just like them.
Mighty you are, brave you are.
Brilliant you are, beautiful you are.
It is never less than that.
It will never.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
My mind is blown!
This is a beautiful and optimistic text. Wow it was good and I feel better after reading it. This is a good poem.
1. It provokes thought
2. It makes me feel
3. It inspires me
4. I gave an emotional reaction. I smiled
I'm interested to know what inspired you.
Theres some beautiful imagery within this text.
Wow. Just wow/
I am honestly generally not a fan of poetry that tries to convey this kind of message because I feel it is often done too directly and reads more like preaching than writing. (Please note this does not mean I disagree with the message, just the way it is often presented)
THAT BEING SAID, I think you did a wonderful job of /not/ doing that. Though the message in this poem is clear, you don't present it in such a way that is painfully direct and overused. I like that this poem encourages people to not only find their strength but to use it, and to find the happiness within themselves. Your writing style, use of metaphors and descriptors, keeps it well in the realm of poetry while still having a message.
I actually disagree with Urba in many points. I am personally a big fan of repetition and love the way you say "you are x, you are y, you are z" are opposed to "you are x, y, and z". I feel like it gives more strength to each individual point and forces the reader to think a little bit more about each quality you're trying to discuss. I like the cadence that comes with this repetition as well. I also like the longer lines, as the poem is well-organized, with breaks in thoughtful places.
I liked your last stanza in particular but I don't think it's necessary for the top two lines to rhyme. It actually makes it a bit disjointed to suddenly have a rhyme introduced (whether this was intentional or not). The message is nice, but I would change either "night" or "light" to something that still flows, but does not rhyme.
Also, did you mean "It will never be"? "It will never" confused me a bit, but I don't mind it.
Anyway, this was a good read, good job! Hoping to read more from you!
Hello Lightsong!!!Urba here to review...
First of all I wanna say that this poetry is really really awesome. It actually speaks of my mind. I promise I'll try to help you in this review and will try not to be really stupid. By the way I'm not at all good at grammar so I can't help you in that case.
So let us start now for the review part:
In this stanza, isn't the first line a bit off?
I have a suggestion: Humans, not aware of their strength -
free yourself from that cloak of insecurity,
In this line, there are too much 'you are' I think...Though that's not a big problem
but how about: You are ugly, weak, useless
My opinion is same here. Too much you are.
The correct line should be: Today is the when the sun shines brightly
These are my favorite lines.
And the ovaral review is try to express your mind in shorter lines.
Hope this helps. You are a good writer I must say cuz I rate only on the basis of the flow of your imagination....
Keep writing...and keep posting them...
Stay tuned...
From a girl of the writerhood,
URBA.