I should forget the poisonous dust
the fairies gave to me from their wings
that once protected me and brought me
shelter from loneliness and sadness.
I should forget the stinging marks that
the beasts gave to me from their sharp claws
that once taught me art of survival
and let me know cruelty of the world.
I should forget the toxic disease
you gave to me from your greedy heart
that once swiftly captured mine with your
double-edge words and layered kindness.
But no.
I would not forget how dirty dust
made me the one I dreaded the most -
madman, wanting to tear the word
friend apart, ridding their smiles.
I would not forget how the red marks
made me feel I was worthless, useless,
wanting an entry from my weak wrist,
believing I had no place in here.
I would not forget how the wound
mocking my vine of existence for
my desire of stars, moons and suns,
Forcing me to put a curse on you.
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
Hey Lightsong
Lopez18 here for a review
I want to start off by saying that I love the tone in this poem. It is very dark and mysterious in a way. I really like how you also mixed in a little bit of a fantasy theme to it, it really makes the poem emphasize the tone more.
One thing I think that you could do to make this poem even better is to at the end of the poem, talk more about how those "bad things" were able to make you into a stronger person and how they ended benefiting you instead of just hurting you.
Other than that, this was a great poem with nothing negative to say about it. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
Thanks!
Very dark, mystifying and almost intense! Very well-written, Lightsong! Wonderful job!
I rather liked the way you described the person's sadness and sorrow because of betrayal, it was very emotional. I also liked how you included fantasy-like themes by your choice of words and mentioning of certain mythical creatures. It was interesting to read such a poem!
Awe-inspiring piece of writing, my friend! Continue to write your poems!
MissLyricz x
Thanks for the review!
You're welcome!
Hi Lightsong, I really loved your poem!
I loved the use of fantastical imagery to portray your sadness, it made it really interesting and intriguing. I could really tell how much raw emotion went into this poem, it was so passionate and compelling. On top of all the other awesome things was the structure: it was really nice to read and had a lovely ring to it with the perfect amount of words/syllables per verse. Anyway thanks for publishing this awesome poem, I really enjoyed reading it.
Thanks!
Hi Lightsong, Felistia here with a short review.
What an interesting poem. I haven't anything like this before, so well done for the creativity. I feel like this is a fantasy poem more than a general poem. It is defiantly a dramatic poem. I like your description, it paints a very vibrant picture in my mind.
Now for the nit-pick. The way you lay out your lines is good, but I feel when I am reading it like there should be a coma.
(I should forget the poisonous dust
the fairies gave to me from their wings,
that once protected me and brought me
shelter from loneliness and sadness.)
Warning: you shouldn't take grammar advise from me.
Other than that though you did a very good job, so well done and have a great day\night.
Thanks! I guess the imagery I used make it more fantasy-like.