Father

Hello Light,

I remember reading this poetry of yours the very day you posted it but I couldn't manage to review it then. So, I found it again! "Father" the title, y'know dad's aren't really very similar to me, so, when I see someone writing about fathers, I really love reading those. Personally, I never had any loving moments with my dad or we don't even share a strong bond, so, dads are like just "Cool stuff" for me!

Now, your poem, first off, I'd like to talk about the structure, it is very nice. You've used brackets to describe things, people, situations. I never saw anything like that before ( I mean the structure as I really don't know much about poetries.) Now, I see, as your poem goes, stanza by stanza, you've described your feelings artistically. I loved that. I liked the way used punctuations and that.. And, if I were to write something about my father, I'd probably write something very similar to this as my experiences with my father don't differ much from yours.

I know, not my best review, so I apologise. Have a great time.

~Nire.

P.S. my mum loved this!

I weep and I weep. Don't take this the wrong way, but I actually wish I had this particular father. He sounds much nicer than mine. Mine was--is--a verbally (sometimes physically) abusive jerk who criticized more than he praised. If something was his fault, he always finds a way to place the blame on someone else. He and my mother are in the middle of a divorce and he has no idea why she wants to divorce him. He thinks I abuse him. That's because I am not afraid to tell him that his parenting methods are corrupt. That doesn't always end well for me. My cheek became really red and my nose nearly broke. I wish I could have the father portrayed in this poem.

Now about the poem, I see what you were doing with the first stanza, but it kind of threw me off a little, especially since the rest of the poem seems relatively even. On the upside, I got the feeling of a sort of buildup with it, which I found very likable. Critically, that is all I really have to say about this. It is quite beautiful. Each stanza slowly goes from a sense of resentment for past sins to a sort of remorse for not being as good as you could of. You seem to begin to understand that he just wanted to help you grow into the best person you could possibly be. I wish I could say the same about my father.

Great poem. I wept.

Hello, Lightsong.

First of all, I just want to say that I appreciate the honesty displayed in your poem, and that you were able to convey a host of emotions to at least one reader.

I also enjoy how direct it is. Sometimes, it is more powerful to tiptoe around the subject, but your directness was refreshing.

That being said, there are a few things that could do with improvement.

For one thing, this is quite wordy. Wordiness means that you include a lot of extra words that detract from the ability to be direct in a piece. While your content is direct, the way you use language sometimes isn't. The best way to fix wordiness is to take everything unnecessary out, and then put it back in only if it will enhance the piece. Let me show you.

Let's do this with the second stanza.

The first line is a little wordy.

I would never understand the reason why

I don't understand why