Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy..so..our first sort of villain situation being brought up here, although I'm guessing maybe this is more school rival of sorts rather than full villain, but then she does want to kill Ilami so maybe not. Definitely gives you even more things to about here this one.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Felaris watched as the girl - Ilami, she had said - moved into the group. Her oval face and silver hair reminded Felaris too much of her brother, Alyosha XieZhi. Felaris gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. She could remember her brother Arafel’s words. It’s Alyosha. It’s his fault! He kept repeating those words until he died.
She remembered the way he looked when he was dying. White bubbles invaded his face as if he was a boiling pot. His lips were dry and pale, and his eyes - they darted up and below, right and left. He smelled of disease - pungent smile you could find in the drain. She didn’t know what happened to him, but her parents had already screaming and yelling to the teachers, demanding what had happened to their son while she kept repeating his name - ArafelArafelArafel - as if it was a healing mantra.
Oh wow, this chapter is off to quite the start. First of all we have this very different character being the POV, which is the third one we've had so far, so this is another bit of an introduction almost which is a bit rare to see as late as the fourth chapter but this is starting off nicely. Right away we've got ourselves a tragic backstory that somehow seems tied to Ilami or rather her brother.
Once she looked away from him and saw Alyosha nearby. His face was cast downward, his mouth curled down, but she could see his eyes. They sparkled, as if there was something brilliant about what was happening with her brother. When she looked back at Arafel, his horrible face was all she could see. She couldn’t bear to see the burn marks on his body, the puss coming out from them. What had happened to you? she thought. Come back. Come back, brother.
She opened her eyes and saw Alyosha’s sister in front of her, acting as if nothing happened. As if Arafel’s death was an insignificant part of history. She clenched her hands and made a move forward. Then, a hand grabbed her shoulder. She looked at her side and saw her friend Veris shaking his head.
Hmm so it looks like that one maybe did some sort of experimental magic or something that went very wrong and ended up causing a death and this Alyosha didn't even look particular regretful about it. Now it appears Felaris wants to get revenge for that here...well...I suppose death threats are even more common and real in this academy than I initially thought.
He was there when they met Arafel. ‘Don’t,’ he whispered. ‘Not here, not now, and certainly not when there’s no reason too.’
‘That’s Alyosha’s sister we’re talking about,’ she hissed. ‘I have every reason to hurt her. Just like her brother did to mine.’
Veris took a deep breath. ‘We don’t lunge on people like barbarians.’ He patted her shoulder. ‘We’d corner her when no one’s around.’
Seya, a short-haired girl approached them. ‘He’s right, Felaris.’
Well...I wouldn't say this is a right thing to do, but this one has more reasons than most to be thinking like that, considering she does have to be pretty young too, so that sort of emotion is probably very strong. Although her friends all seem to be part of a bit of gang of bullies if their tactics have anything to say about how they usually behave.
Felaris pulled her face, but she relented. She cleared the red strings of hair covering her forehead. Veris was right. She shouldn’t act reckless. She watched as Ilami took a sword from Mr. Haifei. The teacher turned to them. ‘Who would like to fight Ilami?’ he asked. ‘If no one volunteers, I’d pick one myself.’
Felaris frowned and glanced at Veris. He shook his head. When she turned to Seya, the girl mouthed not now. But if she volunteered, it wouldn’t be an act of recklessness. She was just… helping a friend. She sneered at the thought of it. Maybe she could kill Ilami in their fight. ‘I volunteered!’ she said, raising her hand.
Hmm...some proper evil thinking going on there, although it is still a very reckless move to make. I'm getting distinct straight up evil vibes here...maybe, at least from the bit we know, Felaris seems like the sort of person that would do at least a couple of failed attempted murders in the times to come.
Mr. Haifei studied her and the sword she held. After a few seconds of silence, he nodded and turned to Ilami. ‘Mrs. Felaris Ashav would be your opponent.’
Ilami nodded and looked at Felaris as the latter stepped forward and stood in a ready position. Ilami stood with her feet close to each other. Instead of holding the tip of the sword at the front, she had it backward, holding the handle in a reverse position. The pose was better suited if you used a dagger - it was a Moon Dance. Felaris smirked at that. She assumed the Sun Dance position - widening her legs for better stability, the tip of the sword pointed at Ilami.
Oooh...cool looks like we've got some names for the different fighting style. I love seeing little details like that being mentioned. Its those tiny little things that can really make a story seem alive.
She lunged forward, raising the sword at Ilami. As she struck, Ilami spun, her sword clashing with it. She threw her sword to her left hand and spun some more. Felaris blocked with her sword. Moon Dance was a complicated technique. It didn’t let you to push your sword to your opponent; instead, you had to spin to strike your opponent on your side. Not many people could master it since it required both hands so that you didn’t have to spin in the same direction. The strength of a Moon Dance was that your spin confused the enemy, making them unable to strike you when you kept moving.
The moves you could make with it are limited, however, Felaris noted. Moon Dance is best used mixed with other techniques. She lowered herself and struck low at Ilami’s feet. The latter barely dodged it in the midst of her spin, and Felaris smiled. Ilami wasn’t fast enough to guard the lower half of her body.
Hmm, that does seem like a bit of an odd fighting technique, doesn't sound reliable and I think Felaris' thoughts there of it also seem to be along those lines. Its an interesting little contrast being brought up there, and you can see that Ilami is a pretty inexperienced fighter judging by how she's having a bit of trouble there.
Felaris struck again and again, made sure the strikes aimed at Ilami’s upper body. Sun Dance was terrible for defense, but it allowed you to focus on your offense. It was a simple technique, almost like fencing. You barely moved, stepping forward only to press your enemy, and the center of your action was solely on your hands. As she released several more strikes, she lowered herself again and struck at Ilami’s feet. The tip met her ankle and they stopped. Felaris just got her first score.
‘If this a real fight, you’d be dead,’ she hissed at Ilami.
Hmm..that just sounds like a bit of a terrible technique in general. Footwork is very important to a good swordfight, so limiting that sounds like its a recipe for disaster at the hands of someone experienced, but in theory this little fight here makes sense, you distract your opponent into focusing on a pattern and mage a sudden lunge elsewhere, its a tried and tested technique in a lot more than just swordfighting. The little bit of trashtack is distinctly a childish thing to do and I love that cause we're reminded of the ages we're talking about here.
Ilami kept her face expressionless. She lunged at Felaris, spinning at her and in the middle of it, moved the side of her sword at her. Felaris easily blocked it. Ilami threw her sword, but instead of letting it fall to her left hand, she gripped the handle in the normal position. Felaris widened her eyes as Ilami released strikes at her using Sun Dance technique, taking the close distance between them as advantage. Felaris quickly raised her sword to block them.
Risky move there, throwing a sword in order to change technique sounds like a unnecessary flashy move, or I suppose once again what someone inexperienced would do, so this all coming together quite nicely here. And it looks like Ilami's been trained in both techniques here, so its interesting why she chose that other technique earlier.
When two sword wielders assumed the same technique - in this case, Sun Dance - it was easier to pinpoint the weakness as you would be careful to cover your own. Sun Dancers used a lot of energy when they attacked, as they attacked without stop, aiming at the spots their opponents didn’t guard. But because of that, they’d need to take a break after their attack. Felaris blocked Ilami’s attacks with her own Sun Dance strikes, but put less energy into them. The fighting would be seemed in Ilami’s favour, but once she rested - and expected Felaris to do the same - that was when Felaris would strike.
Hmm, a little too wordy there, I feel like you can show this very easily with where the fight goes. That bit of explanation about the Sun Dance at this point feels like a bit too much and it dips into the territory of the ol' infodump, which you don't want. Although hmm, I'm liking the sneaky tactics employed by Felaris here, she seems to have a lot more experience than Ilami at any rate, given how Ilami can't see any of these coming but she comes up with more than one trick here.
After giving the last strike, Ilami held back her sword, slightly panting. Felaris acted as if she was about to do the same before she raised it again and struck Ilami at the shoulder. Second point she got. She sneered. ‘Is this all the principal’s daughter has?’
Ilami clenched her jaw and lunged at her. Felaris quickly blocked her sword, but instead of withdrawing, Ilami pushed against Felaris. Felaris pushed back and saw the smile creeping to Ilami’s face. Suddenly, Ilami released her sword and sidestepped, causing Felaris to be propelled by her own force forward. She fell to the ground and as she turned back to strike Ilami, a dagger touched her neck.
Not sure you'd have enough force to fall to the ground in a situation like that, its a bit hard to imagine that final move there. Its a bit shaky, but I like it. Ilami finally gets in a bit of a win there through a super sneaky technique that I'm quite sure is probably illegal in a training fight like that. Also more of that classic sneer....ahhh...the best friend of every budding school aged villain.
‘That is enough!’ Mr. Haifei said.
The dagger left Felaris and she stood up in haste. She glared at Ilami, who had picked the dagger from the strap around her leggings.
‘You are not supposed to use the dagger, Mrs. Ilami,’ Mr. Haifei said, giving a sharp stare at Ilami.
Ilami’s composure was unfazed. ‘I’m sorry, teacher, but there’s no such thing as fairness in a real fight,’ she said, the words rolling out of her mouth smoothly. ‘She overpowers me; if I’m to stay with my sword, I’d be dead.’
Hmm, good advice for a fight, but yeah, nope the teacher is very much correct there, you're not in a fight to the death here...so that would be considered unfair to use.
Felaris gritted her teeth. First day in school and Ilami had acted like she owned this academy. ‘We’re training here,’ she said.
Ilami was about to open her mouth when a moment of silence passed. ‘You’re right. I apologize,’ she said, making a low bow, surprising Felaris. ‘I would remember that next time.’
‘Both of you can go back to the group now.’ Mr. Haifei glared at Ilami. ‘Mrs. Ilami, meet me after this.’
Hmm...I wonder what Ilami was going to do there....its an interesting little scene, like she was about to drop herself to the same level as Felaris and her taunting but then decided to take the high road, which seemed to have been a good move on her part as Felaris didn't have a comeback to that one.
Both of them went back into the group. This time, Ilami stayed farther from Felaris. Perhaps she had sensed the unusual enmity from Felaris. Good. She should watch her back from now.
‘She has a better control of herself than you,’ Veris whispered. ‘You grab the first chance you have to fight her without thinking about the consequence. She could argue more than she had, but she knew she shouldn’t cross the line. I don’t like to admit this, but there’s a trace of Alyosha in her.’
Felaris turned her attenton to Mr. Haifei. ‘More reason to make her pay.’
Hmm..well, let's see here...at this point, Felaris does seem to be drifting towards being a bit of a bad person, although her reasons are pretty valid, and Ilami has been shown to be treading that line between good and questionable...so this should be very interesting going forward. This also feels strangely like the end of this chapter, its an oddly fitting point here, but well, I suppose this chapter isn't quite done just yet.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is going in a pretty interesting direction here, and I do like the direction this story appears to be going in. We're getting right away into all sorts of problems right from Ilami's first day here and it makes this plot really get going. At any rate, as usual, I'll give a more overall picture of the chapter at the end of it
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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