Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a nice moment I think. You've done pretty well with reveal. Its predictable, but its something to provide at least a tiny bit of hope which was sorely lacking. Perhaps this story is getting back on track after all....although hmm, there is only one more chapter out for me to read. xD
Anyway let's get right to it,
Gael and Veris stood outside of the room. Veris looked down from the balcony to the wide main hall of the ground floor. He knew what was going to happen next – what he should do next. He looked at Gael who was staring at the room’s door, folding his hands, calm.
They were waiting for the others to come back out. Felaris said if they didn’t emerge from the room fifteen minutes later, Gael and he were to leave the place and acted as if nothing happened the next day. If those three powerful girls couldn’t get out from whatever they faced inside the room, Gael and Veris wouldn’t stand a chance. Gael wasn’t a Fighter. Veris wasn’t cut out to be one.
OKayy...so they're just kind of hanging out here. Its an odd detail that it just so happens that the girls end up being inside and the boys don't...xD. I wonder if that was intentional when the characters were designed. At any rate, it looks like this is perhaps set to be a pretty awkward few minutes staying on the lookout.
Veris sighed. He also wasn’t cut out to be a spy. What was he thinking when he volunteered to check on the Natron’s office? How could he be so reckless, when recklessness wasn’t in his nature? He could feel the hotness of the tattoo etched on his chest. He hated it. He feared what they could do to him – what they could prevent him from doing. He was so weak. What was the point of being smart if you could easily be manipulated? Stupid, stupid Veris.
Gael took out his watch. ‘It’s been twenty minutes already,’ he said. ‘They’re supposed to be here.’
‘We should go,’ Veris replied, turning his attention to the wooden stick lying on the floor behind Gael. He rubbed his arm. He was the one who had put it there, long before they reached the office. ‘We’ve waited more than we should. If we wait here any longer, whoever stopping those girls inside would reach us.’
Hmm...I guess this is the part where we get to know the fully story about Veris and the possibility of him being a spy. It seems the suspicions I had about him were right after all, its almost a little bit more severe than I imagined it to be.
‘We’re cloaked by a powerful artifact,’ Gael said, his back still on Veris. ‘Even if we couldn’t take down the enemy, we could still escape. I say we take the risk. At least we know what we’re facing against, even if we have to get away from the enemy. Your Lio-blessing and my – ’
‘I’m sorry, Gael,’ Veris whispered as he raised the stick, poised at striking Gael’s head.
The stick was about to reach its target when Gael suddenly turned, his eyes shockingly sharp. Swiftly, he kicked Veris’s stomach, pushing him away.
Hmm, well Gale is clearly not as easy to take down as Veris expected. It seems his moment of underestimating Gael is not going to end well for him here. It looks like there's an even more awkward moment than expected about to come here when Veris is revealed to be this spy.
‘Traitor,’ Gael said, venom in his voice. He uttered a spell. Fire formed in his wand, long and moving.
Veris’s eyes widened, so shocked was he that he couldn’t react to the whip of fire thrown at him, wrapping around him and pulling him towards Gael. All of this – all of this was impossible.
‘H – how?’ he said as he felt the whip tightening around him. He was forced to drop the stick due to the pressure.
‘I’m not Gael,’ Gael said, before punching Veris’s head, turning the world into pitch black.
I'm guessing Serra somehow took control over him there...we've never been told anything about the full capabilities there between Serra, {that's actually something you might want to look at or else its going to come across as abilities manifesting when its convenient to the plot}. And well, it seem Veris was dealt with rather efficiently, let's see what happens next ehre.
Veris tried to get up, but pain pressed down his body. He could still feel the heat of fire. His eyes took the wall of the room. It was painted scarlet. Where was he? Turning to Gael, he focused on Gael’s words.
‘What… what do you mean with Mr. Haifei’s plan?’
Gael paused for a few seconds, then sighed. ‘He told Gael and me to keep it as a secret. It was an emergency plan, in case your plan failed.’
Veris frowned, trying to grasp his words. ‘Gael… and you? What are you...’
‘You’re supposed to be the smart one. I’m Ilami, Veris. Not Gael. Both of us swapped places.’ Gael – Ilami? – stared at the wall. ‘I was against it – there was no sure I was going to let Gael entered the office. But he agreed to it in an instant. What a stupid boy.’
Okayy..so that explains a couple of things here...but I have to now wonder what kind of magic even allowed this plan to succeed. This seems like a very useful thing to use, being able to look like someone else. Now it opens up so many other possibilities...if maybe they could have snuck into the Restricted Area looking like a teacher or something...I feel like some extra explanation is necessary there for this plan...I'm sure you explain it eventually, it just probably needs to be present before this.
Ilami was quick to push his hand away and pulled the shirt down. The sight of the tattoo – now turning dark red – was in full view. She kept her silence, as if she’d seen it before. Had she checked his body when he was unconscious? ‘What is this?’
Veris sobbed. He wanted to say this was a curse, put by the Church to silent him, to force him to do whatever they said. He was caught when he tried to sneak into the office. He thought no one was around there when all of a sudden the door was pushed open and a priest quickly bound him with his Lio spells. He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t overestimate himself. Now, he couldn’t do anything. He was useless. In their group, his presence was unnecessary.
Okayy...wel, that's an interesting detail. So he became a spy after the moment I initially suspected him of being one, so that's something to think about for me...and it seems he's been bound with something to make it impossible for him to say anything against the church, which is another very interesting spell that I have to wonder about. I feel like that could have had a few used such as for Haka and Aleveri to get them to be more compliant earlier in the test, especially Aleveri.
‘Crying won’t help you,’ Ilami said, watching him humiliate himself. She stood up – the movement so swift and effortless, so unlike Gael – and started to leave the room.
‘Wait!’ Veris said. Ilami wasn’t his favourite person, but he preferred to have a company in a place no one knew. ‘Where are you going? Don’t you worry I could somehow escape?’
Ilami snorted. ‘No, I don’t worry at all.’ Then she left, the door clicking.
Okayy...soo...I guess they're just going to have him captured now....I wonder what that's going to do...it seems like there's not much of a plan happening here with regard to Mr. Haifei especially if it means the three inside are still in danger, the only addition now being that there's the presence of Serra in that room, although I don't know if it will be of much use.
He rubbed his chest. He needed to remove it. He just didn’t know how. No, he did – for every legendary artifact, there would always be its counterpart. Like Haka’s artifacts, Farava’s twin bracelets – one to drain energy, one to supply it. He sighed. The problem was, such counterpart would be in Kestari’s possession. That Natron was one of the few people he knew that had a large storage of artifacts.
And he was Lio’s priest. Veris rubbed his eyes. He didn’t feel good about his god right now. If he were a religious person, he’d worship Xesar or Wermin – those who were blessed by them, like Ilami, Felaris and Seya – turned out to be fierce Fighters.
But Haka is too, a part of him whispered. Urgh. Haka be damned. He didn’t want to think about Haka or what had happened between him and Gael. He needed to think of something else.
At least Ilami managed to stop him before he did something bad. He closed his eyes. He would help her. Hopefully, after all of this was over, he could forget about this and moved on with his life. He was just tired. He was tired being played and pressured by others. He had enough doing what others asked of him.
OKayy...well it seems that ending is pretty justified, poor guy has in fact been through quite a lot here. It seems he never intended to do most of this...although some of his thoughts about getting away and the success of the mission to deliver Gael to Kestari is a little bit more suspect....in the end though a very easy to anticipate reveal, but...its not gone the way I expected it to, so this still was at least a little surprising, and I think its a good direction to push the story in.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this isn't a bad moment to end on for this chapter. I actually now like his turn of events. Well, there's just one more bit left for me to review and I will most likely get to it in a few hours....let's see where this story goes then.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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