A few, most torturing minutes passed by before Jaxin appeared with several cloaked figures that Ilami recognized as the same with the ones who retrieved Zivil’s corpse. She felt a clawing sensation in her stomach.
They must be here to help, she thought. ‘Jaxin!’ she screamed and gestured towards Haka and Aleveri. ‘Help these two!’
Jaxin looked at her before nodding to his companions. They rushed towards Haka and Aleveri. One of them gently separated Aleveri away from Haka and carried her out of the room. The other took Haka, this time with force as Gael grabbed at him from doing that, and followed his companion’s action. Aleveri and Haka were gone just like that, leaving Jaxin with Gael and Ilami.
‘What were all of you doing in this place?’ Jaxin asked, frowning. ‘Shouldn’t it being the Restricted Area give you the clearest message?’
‘Is he going to be okay?’ Gael asked, still sobbing. ‘Where are they taking him?’
Jaxin turned his attention to Gael, silent for a moment. ‘He should be alive. Weak for a while, but alive.’ He saw the Seshier lying on the floor, dead. His expression was unreadable. ‘I’m going to send both of you to the academy’s ward. Ms. Yera should have been notified and ready by now.’ He held out his hands.
Ilami took it. ‘Gael, grab his hand.’
With tiredness shown clearly in his face, Gael did as he was asked. As usual, colours seemed to move by their own free will, blurring the landscape. Heaviness weighed down on Ilami as she put more effort into breathing. After a few seconds, the colours changed and went back into their proper places. She could immediately recognize the ward with its white ceiling, wall, and floor.
Ms. Yera stood in front of them, eyebrows knitted, not at all surprised with Jaxin’s teleportation. She ushered Ilami and Gael to rest at their respective bed and checked for signs of injury.
While she was making sure they were alright, she said, ‘Where are the other two? I was told there were four of them.’
‘The rest is taken care of,’ Jaxin said.
After taking a look at Gael, Ms. Yera sighed in relief. ‘There are no signs of physical injuries, though it’s obvious both of you are mentally drained. I suggest you to take enough rest here.’ She left them for a few minutes before she returned with a couple of thick blankets and a jar of water. After pouring the nearby cups with water, she handed each one of them a blanket ‘Cover yourself and drink.’
‘Where are they?’ Ilami and Gael asked at the same time. They exchanged a look. ‘Where do you take them?’ Ilami said.
Jaxin stared at her with disapproval. She could sense he wanted to say something to her - perhaps a scolding - but he was holding back in front of the others. ‘As I said, they are taken care of. And I assure you again, they will survive.’
Ilami didn’t feel convinced. If Jaxin was sure Haka and Aleveri would be healed, why couldn’t he be clear to them? Why should he hide something from them? She bit her lip. Something was wrong with this whole thing, and it wasn’t because of her. Or her friends. The academy was keeping a secret from them, and Jaxin was a part of it.
‘Fine,’ she said. ‘We want to meet them as soon as they recovered.’
‘If they recovered,’ Gael whispered. ‘Haka might as well be dead right now.’
‘I’m thinking the same thing about Aleveri,’ Ilami snapped, then massaged her temples. Now was the worst timing to lose her temper. She should be hoping both Aleveri and Haka came out of this alive.
Gael went silent. He took a few sips and covered himself with the blanket, a sure sign of the conversation being over. Ilami turned to Ms. Yera and Jaxin. Right now, she needed someone to talk to, but they wouldn’t understand. Ms. Yera cared about her and Gael, but she wasn’t her friend. After what Jaxin had said, Ilami didn’t think it was wise to confide her feelings on him. Not when the negative ones were directed to Mother and the academy.
(@.@)/ … (@.@)b …(@.@)/ … (@.@)b …(@.@)/ … (@.@)b … (@.@)/
The next day, Jaxin checked on them and gave them the update. ‘Ms. Aleveri and Mr. Haka are in coma,’ he said, his voice so professionally detached. ‘It might take a week for Ms. Aleveri to wake up, but Mr. Haka, due to his severe injures, might require a month.’
Gael took a sharp breath. His eyes were wide. ‘He - he’s going to be fine, isn’t he?’
Jaxin nodded. ‘His wounds are healing, although in a slower rate.’
‘We’ll be able to visit them as soon as they’re awake, won’t we?’ Ilami asked.
‘Of course. There’s no reason to not to.’
And yet you don’t tell us how exactly you treat them, Ilami thought, squinting. If there was something could be said about Jaxin now, it was that his loyalty towards Mother was stronger than towards her. It was obvious Mother instructed him to hush things down.
‘I’m out of here,’ Ilami said, not waiting for Gael. He seemed to be lost in thought the moment she awoke. Plus, she couldn’t stand the ward, not when she was the patient.
Jaxin held up a finger, stopping her movement. ‘One more thing before you leave.’ His voice changed into something that was as chilly as the depth of the ocean.
‘What happened yesterday must be kept as a secret. Everything is being taken care of by the academy. There is no need to tarnish its reputation because of some accidents that happened. If, with your discretion, news still spread around and you are asked of what’s happened, tell them you caught a Seshier breaking into the academy and the Restricted Area and that you fought him off when he noticed your presence and attacked you. Is that clear?’
‘Very clear, Mr. Jaxin,’ Ilami said.
Gael just nodded.
Once she was out of the ward, she went straight into her dorm. Her roommate, a blond girl named Hestia, asked her where she had been, to which she replied with a simple, ‘Somewhere’. She laid on the bed, waiting for Hestia to come out. Once Hestia disappeared, she closed her eyes and sighed.
Everything went wrong. She knew more than she had before, but she also lost much more. Aleveri and Haka were unconscious. Gael wasn’t in his normal state. She was alone. What what she going to do?
Somewhere in her mind, she felt guilty for bringing this disaster to her friends, persuading them to join her. They had nothing to do with it. It was she who killed Zivil, the father of Dayel. It was she who had a connection with Mother, who she suspected was the cause of the bad things that had happened. If there was someone she should be willing to put at risk, it was she herself.
Haka, Aleveri and Gael had suffered enough. She didn’t want to involve them any longer. She needed someone daring enough to solve this mystery with her. Someone who had the motivation to take all the risks no matter the cost. it didn’t take her long to figure out who that someone was. She laughed bitterly at the irony of whom she was thinking.
She needed the very person who hated her the moment she entered the academy.
End of chapter
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140,681 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this was an interesting conclusion to the whole first excursion into the restricted area scenario. I wasn't expecting things to go this way, but then I think it ended up going in nearly the best direction it could naturally go in.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh, I though you might leave us in a little more suspense before getting to Jaxin's arrival, but then I believe this is actually well timed here. We had the whole emotional gauntlet run through happen in the previous part and here we immediately dive into the rescue arriving, and well, let's see where this goes.
‘
Well...this is about the reaction I was expecting from Jaxin. Okay maybe a little colder than I though. I thought he had a bit more care for Ilami's wellbeing than this, but otherwise, he immediately admonishes them a bit for entering the area but then he quickly and efficiently starts getting together a proper medical response to treat the thing without letting any emotions interfere with that which is exactly what I expect from him.
Okay...I'm going to assume maybe the other two had to go into some kind of intensive care unit? They were both suffering from severe damage that was getting them rather close to death so keeping them alive is probably not an easy thing that can be done in the regular medical ward.
OKayy..now maybe that is a little bit odd. I would expect Jaxin to tell the two of them about the location of the others if they asked. He seems to not want to let anything give here. I think maybe he's trying to prevent the two from running off before they have had enough rest to try and find their friends, but even then, I feel like maybe he'd give a bit more information. That's certainly a suspicious move, but otherwise, the description of how Jaxin maybe wants to give Ilami more of a scolding but doesn't in front of Gael is also totally what I expect there.
Okayy...well, Jaxin was a bit mysterious but I feel like these two are perhaps overreacting just a little, which does make sense given the emotional attachments involved, but then I also why especially Ilami doesn't voice those thoughts. She usually has no trouble talking about something that concerns her.
OKayy...well a week and a month are a rather long time, but I don't expect any less with the severity of the injuries both of them suffered. Jaxin immediately letting them know of this does restore my faith that they're just in a more intensive care area and he doesn't want these two knowing anything specific either cause they might go looking or for some other reason which we have yet to know...at any rate, him promising they can go meet the two once they were awake means there's nothing to hide at least for Jaxin maybe.
Oh this is an interesting moment here. It does in fact look like this is all being kept very quiet, which I mean, considering two other murders of actual students went totally without a report, so I'm absolutely not surprised, but it seems maybe Mrs. Venaria doesn't even want her daughter to know any of this, which I suppose considering the stuff that was down there isn't all that surprising.
Hmm...okay...that's a bit odd I think in Ilami's part once again. Her suspecting something is being hushed up is very on brand for her, but her not even trying to call Jaxin out of it is aa little different from the Ilami we know. Hmm, perhaps this experience has forced her to reconsider her actions and think a bit more before she speaks so that she can bide her time and find out why her mother is keeping things secret without alerting her mother to any resistance on her part which can be bad for her.
Okayy..well it seems we have that rather classic moment of the protagonist realizing they should not be putting others in danger happening at the moment, which is a very natural reaction to the kind of thing that just went down. I only hope she doesn't do anything rash.
OOooh, interesting line of thought here. Very interesting. It is as bad as I feared in that she doesn't want to involve her brand new circle of friends anymore, but she does seem to have thought of perhaps one of the best candidates she could turn to here and the fact she still believes she needs help is a good thing I think for her in the long run. Now of course the only dangerous thing is what Felaris might do to her....and whether she will ever believe Ilami's story.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think I really like this part here. There were a couple of moments I felt were a bit off and I have pointed them out, but otherwise, this was really nicely done I think. You've done a great job of showcasing this aftermath and Ilami's thoughts there towards the end really seem to suggest a very interesting direction for this story to take here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Light! I am finally, finally here, and first off I want to apologize very sincerely for neglecting this for an entire month. Part of it was mental health stuff and sheer busyness, but it was also just laziness on my part. Next time I go more than a week without reviewing your latest chapter, bug me about it, okay?
I think one thing you could do to strengthen this part is show more of Ilami's disappointment as well, particularly as she thinks about how "everything went wrong." I would also think she should be more angry at her mother for lots of reasons that maybe don't all make sense, but just because right now she's fairly convinced that all this bad stuff is happening because of her mother. She's upset and disappointed and feels really guilty, and for Ilami all of that usually manifests as anger. She should be a lot more angry at Jaxin and her mother, and I don't think she'd be able to contain it when talking to Jaxin, especially since it feels like he betrayed her. I feel like she'd argue with him and accuse him of doing terrible things in her mother's name.
Let's get on to the review.
So wow. We left our heroes in a very bad place at the end of one of the most intense and exciting chapters you've written (and the fact I haven't read this in a month doesn't change how much I was looking forward to the next chapter when I read the last one... unfortunately after you put it out my mental health took a bit of a nosedive) and people are dying and yeah.
I'm so sad because of Jaxin's apparent loyalties. I'd really loved his interactions with Ilami, and now it seems like he's just another one of her mother's minions.
Also, I'm dying for answers as to what's going on. What is Ilami's mother hushing up, exactly? Was the Master working for her or was he an intruder or something else entirely? I don't think Aleveri and Haka are only being taken away to recover - I think she's also going to try to hush them up. But then why not hush up Ilami and Gael? That's one reason to think she's not that cold-blooded.
The way Jaxin "betrays" Ilami like this, when she is already terrified and exhausted and her friends are hurt, works really well. It's the perfect mixture of relief that he comes and saves them, and disappointment at his loyalties. Even though we think Aleveri and Haka are going to survive, if anything we just have more dramatic tension because of the mystery surrounding Ilami's mother.
Similarly, the thought process that leads Ilami to conclude that she needs to ask Felaris for help just feels so natural at this point in the story - it's a plot turn that fits, and I'm excited to see how all these pieces start weaving together.
The biggest thing I'd say about this chapter is to take more time with it. You've created a lot of intense emotions, but you're rushing through them and diminishing them. Particularly after Jaxin gets them all out of there, give Ilami a little more space to react. I think you can let her wallow in anger and guilt a little longer before her conclusion that she needs Felaris' help. I also think you could be more explicit about what exactly is the mystery they're going to solve - is it what Ilami's mother is hiding in general, or is it the mystery of who the Seshier is, or is it the mystery of what the Restricted Section was hiding? Or all of the above?
And I think that's all I've got for this chapter! I'll be reviewing the rest tomorrow - hold me to that.
Hey, thanks for the review!
Don't worry if you're late or whatever - take your time! 
Hi! Lelu here, reviewing for the one team to rule them all. First off, I think I read another chapter of this once, but I don't know most of the story. You make things pretty clear anyhow. My only problems are two things: One, you don't describe the academy clearly enough. I can't see what it looks like. Two, the personal interactions are pretty clear, but there are some grammatical exceptions and weirdly worded sentences that need work. "A few most torturing minutes" should be "more torturing." I apologize for not putting things in a spoiler as I'm not sure how. Also, you say, "She sent Ilami and Gael to their respective bed," but this should be "beds." I'm assuming it's a typo. "Now was the worst time to lose her temper," not "timing." In other news, I can see how the story's progressed since Ilami killed the guy in the first chapter (I think that's the one I read) and it's intriguing. I may consider reading the other chapters. Mother is interesting, even though I've never met her.
Hi, Lightsong. I think my review team has very little chance of catching up now, but at least I'm getting up to date with things!
Small Comments
I feel like maybe 'A few torturous minutes passed by' would be cleaner. In any case, 'torturous' is a more natural choice than 'torturing'.
I don't think you need this bit. Personally, I think you overuse internal monologues; there's no real point in telling us what a character is thinking when you can make it clear from their dialogue and actions instead. We know Ilami thinks they're here to help based on the fact that she's yelling for Jaxin's help.
I feel like internal monologues are only interesting when what the character is thinking is different to how they're acting, or if it offers a lot of information we couldn't otherwise gauge from their actions. Otherwise, there's not that much point to them.
This sentence needs restructuring. I can tell what's happening here, but it took a few read-throughs.
This makes the expression a tad more natural. 'He should be alive' just doesn't sound right to me.
You don't really 'say a scolding' so someone. You either scold them or give them a scolding. You could rephrase the sentence as:
She could sense he wanted to say something to her - to scold her, perhaps
'Might as well' gives off the wrong vibe - it makes it sound like he's saying Haka is as good as dead. But I'm guessing what you meant is that, for all he knows, Haka could be dead. He has no way of telling if he's alive or not. If that's what you intended it to mean, maybe have him say 'Haka could be dead already’ or something like 'Haka may well be dead right now.’
You confide in someone rather than on them.
As I believe I've mentioned before, an oddity of the English language is that you actually hush things up, not down.
You'd say 'come out' if you were waiting for someone to enter a room you were in; you'd say 'go out' if you were waiting for them to leave the room you were in. 'Come' implies they're getting nearer to you; 'go' often implies they're getting further away from you.
(Note: good that we finally know Ilami's roommate's name!)
OHHHHHHH!!!! Awesome end! Awesome awesome end!
General Comments
1) Okay, so I've got mixed feelings about this chapter. I'm really glad Jaxin is back, and I must admit that I like how Ilami's long-standing worries about his loyalty are finally starting to be confirmed. It's quite upsetting to see Jaxin, someone she trusts, being so evasive and cold towards her. I feel like you could exploit that a little more; I'd like to get more of a sense that Ilami feels hurt and betrayed by him lying to her, even if she's always suspected he would side with Venaria if he was forced to choose.
2) On the subject of Jaxin, I feel like he could've been a bit smarter about this whole situation. To say he's lying to Ilami is a bit of an overstatement, really, because all he's really doing is not answering her questions. You'd think he'd at least try to convince her that nothing was wrong, or give her a half-decent excuse as to why they couldn't reveal Haka and Aleveri's location. It could be really simple. He could just say that he doesn't want them barging in and distracting them while they're recovering, because they're both critically injured and it could compromise their progress to have visitors. Just something. Some kind of excuse.
Given that Jaxin is so obviously evasive, I didn't get why Ilami and Gael didn't push the questioning further. I could maybe understand Ilami stopping, because it might hit her that Jaxin was deliberately keeping things from them and that to question him too much might be dangerous. But Gael should be distraught. The boy he's head over heels for just almost died in front of him - why the heck isn't he having a go at Jaxin demanding to know where Haka's been taken? I don't buy that Jaxin would say 'it's being taken care of' and they'd both just lie down and accept that answer. He'd have to come up with something more substantial than that to keep them quiet.
3) It also seems odd that Ilami instantly agrees when Jaxin tells her that she has to keep quiet about what happened in the Restricted Area. I'd at least her expect her to ask 'or what?' In general, I can't really wrap my head around why she isn't more vocal about what she saw in the Restricted Area, more angry about it. I'd expect her to lose her composure with Jaxin at least partially. This is someone she likes and trusts, someone she's known her whole life, and she's just found out that he's been keeping quiet about a sickening secret.
(By the way, my prediction is that Aleveri and Haka have been taken away to be experimented on. I've not got much evidence for that assumption, but it's what I'd guess).
4) I love the ending, as I'm sure you can tell. It's been so long since we saw Felaris that I was wondering if she was ever going to come back, but this feels like the perfect way to be able to bridge the conflict between her and Ilami and bring her back to the forefront of the novel. It's going to be fascinating to see them team up together, if indeed Felaris actually agrees to that.
That's all for now! A pretty good chapter, but I felt like neither Gael nor Ilami were as angry or emotional as the situation calls for, and I think Jaxin should be a bit craftier about lying to them both. It's so glaringly obvious that he's trying to keep them in the dark. Let's not forget that these kids just broke into the Restricted Area and killed the Master; it's a bad, bad idea to let them get curious about things.
Keep writing!
~Pan
dang it you beat me! i was literally on the last paragraph!
welp, go blues!
You review it too! We still get points