Lost in darkness, looking for everlasting light
Feelings of nothingness, longing for a heart
What is a heart? A question I always ask
At the same time, I can feel, even though I am nobody
Not supposed to exist, yet fighting to be my own person
I am me and will always be.
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Canary word: Present
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This is wonderful! Since it is so short, I'm going to break down each line to what I think it means. (I can review it better that way)
"Lost in darkness, looking for everlasting light" - This can be interpreted that the narrator is in a deep depressed time, and that they are trying to find something/someone that will make them happy and less doubtful.
"Feelings of nothingness, longing for a heart"- What this can mean is relating back to the first line. They are in such "darkness" that they can not feel sympathy or show proper feelings towards others; they feel strange in social situations.
"What is a heart? A question I always ask"- A heart may be a metaphor for the narrator's feelings or reality or other people/ society. And that they are questioning why things are how they are.
"At the same time, I can feel, even though I am nobody"- The narrator is questioning themselves and are confused of who they are.
"Not supposed to exist, yet fighting to be my own person"- They feel worthless, though at the same time they want to live and experience the world in their own way.
"I am me and will always be."- This shows that no matter what happens in their life, the narrator will feel confident of who they are.
There, I hope I was close. Anyways, overall this poem was very fluent and inspiring. People should always be themselves no matter what situation. Thank you for writing this and have a great day.
Good day, Kanome! (Does that rhyme?) Manilla here for a quick review.
This short poem is indeed very dramatic, questioning the roots of personal belief through the eyes of a "nobody." It concludes with a really strong point - Through confusion, some things still stand through. I liked that you finished off your piece with a period instead of having them dot through your lines, too.
If you were in a darkness so dark, would you try to find a "temporary" light first so you could sustain yourself? But at the same time, you wouldn't ever want the darkness to overtake you with your symbolic light.
These lines contradict each other. I feel like there's purpose behind it, but I can't quite pinpoint it. Could you try to explain?
Overall - Nice, meaningful freeverse poem. Write some stuff like this for NaPo, and try rhymes and meter, too! (Freeverse is good, though.)
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful or rude. I didn't mean to!)
Radrook here a once again
to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if I offend.
It isn’t my intention.
Please feel free to cast aside
all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure it's true
by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem concerning a person who feels lost in a darkness, has feelings of nothingness, longs for a heart but doesn’t know what that means, feels like nobody but can still feel.Also feels that although he’s not supposed to exist his existence is eternal. Of course all these declarations pose paradoxes which beg to be resolved.
As a reader I felt fascinated by the challenge of providing meaning to the poem. However, others might feel frustrated. That is a risk that we poets take sometimes when we prefer to write our poems in a cryptic way. So reader reaction should be expected to vary according to reader expectations of what a poem should be and how clearly a poet should express his ideas.
That having been said, the idea of darkness is always perceived as conveying something negative. As humans we all have an instinctive fear of the dark. Why? Because we don’t know what is hiding there that might be considering us a good meal or simply a target for violence. Darkness is also used to convey the idea of ignorance and ignorance can prove deadly. If we are ignorant of another person’s intentions we might get our throat sliced as we shake his hand. Or if we are ignorant of a hole in the floor we might be in far a long fall. The question is, of course what does the darkness mean in this poem.
Conversely, the concept of light conveys illumination or knowing, being in genuine contact with reality, being of sound mind, being in touch with the source of all light which is God,. So it is generally perceived as a positive. Once more the question is how is it relevant in this poem.
Those are the two concepts which the poem introduces in the first line and therefore should be related to whatever follows. So as a reader I felt obligated to try and find a crucial connection between these two concepts and what followed them. If I don’t find any connection, then I will wonder why they were mentioned in the first place. Or I might simply conclude that they were mentioned in a general nonspecific way to be pondered and wondered about but never perceived specifically to what is described next.
The statement “Feelings of nothingness and longing for a heart" seems to go with the darkness concept.
Then the speaker tells us that he doesn’t know what a heart is. Which also goes along with the darkness. Tells us that although he feels, he feels as if he is nothing. The reason why isn’t revealed but it does harmonize with the darkness concept. The feeling that he’s not supposed to exist does also. But once more this tends to leave the reader wondering why the speaker is assailed with such emotions.
Then a positive note is introduced that harmonizes with the seeking of the everalasting light.
The speaker tells us that he fights to be his own person and that he is and will always be. Which of course causes a clash with the mood that was established with the darkness statements. On the other hand, the poet did tell us that these two feelings would be present at the outset. So there is really no contradiction.
How did I react emotionally to the poem? Well, at first I was confused. Then felt challenged to find harmony. Then satisfied after I did find a certain harmony to the poem. However, I still felt deprived of specific details and wished that more had been said to provide clues for the reasons which engendered such contradictory strong emotions.
All in all a fascinating read.
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.