I wonder aimlessly through my nightmare,
Shaking and fearing what lies ahead,
Can it be?
The fears of my past?
When I enter deep inside the darkness,
All I see is the neglect,
Between mother and daughter.
The abuse,
Between the boyfriend and child.
Tears flow upon my cheeks,
Remembering the horrible experiences,
Wanting the pain to stop.
The love I want is from my mother,
But she is never around for me to have it…
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hello there! Biluata here for a review. Before we star i want to apologize; I'm using a phone for this and I hate the phone keyboard so spacing and spelling might be off dang dumb auto correct. Anyhow, let's get onto your work, right?
It's a really nice piece, but you choose such a deep topic to write about and here doesn't really feel like a lot of dark grit or anything in this poem; you know, the kind of stuff that you normally would expect to find in a poem on such a topic.
I personally, thank that this poem could be made much better with some more emotion and grit. Of course, that is just my opinion so take it or leave it. I found no grammatical errors but please, do not taken word for it I am not very good at that kind of stuff since I am not the best person to do things like that; overall, very nice!
-Luata
Hi! This is herbgirl, and I'm here to review your poem!
This was a really nice poem. However, I don't feel like there was enough emotion in it. You seem to be talking about a really dark and personal topic, and if that is the case, then you need to show it! I was kind of confused, also. Maybe the I just didn't understand the poem, I don't know.
I didn't see any grammar mistakes, or words left out so... Yeah! Good job! Keep up the good work!
herby
"Between mother anddaughter." Space between and daughter. Besides that I didn't see anything wrong. It was written perfectly! Flowed really nice to me. Loved it!