My heart used to be chained up in darkness,
But now,
Someone took me in,
Changed me, loved me, and cherished me.
This feeling I have now,
Makes me smile,
Cry with joy,
Makes my heart sing.
It’s all thanks to that one person,
Who I love and cherish most.
He makes me smile everyday,
Makes me feel whole.
Thank you for changing me…
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hi there. Review for you! Reppin Team Paint the Roses Red!
I really like the way this poem is written. It's really simple, but it still carries a lot of poetic weight with it. In other words, it isn't just a flat poem and it still has many dimensions to it. I like the way that you've expressed your sense of relief and fulfillment here too. You did a great job with your word choice and chose words that effectively conveyed those feelings. I also LOVE the last line and the ellipses at the end. They give it that feeling of overwhelming happiness that you can't even further describe with words. Nice job! The only thing I can really point out here that I think needs work would be the third and fourth lines. Instead of "Someone took me in," I think it would sound better if you said, "Someone has taken me in." and instead of "Changed me, loved me, and cherished me," you should say "Has loved me, cherished me, and even changed me." I say this because I think what you;re getting at is the idea that the change in you occurred because you were loved and cherished by the significant other, so it would only make sense to put "changed me" last. Hope this was helpful and Happy Review Day! Paint the Roses Red Lets DO THIS!!!
-GL24
This poem is simple but it speaks volumes. With how you used the words and how you phrased the whole poem. There is a positive vibe thrumming steadily throught the whole poem.
It was a great first line you used, chained up in darkness. What a wonderful to describe the feeling of helpnessless and depression.
I think the rest of the poem was quite well done but in some places, there were clinches. At this time, go to the good old thesaurus for help!
The ending line, though cliche is a wonderful way to tie up a poem like this. Good job!
-Rx
I really like the very first line of this piece.
The word choice is great and I imagine the torment of a heart "chained in darkness."
The rest is ok, but it's lacking the use of imagery you used in the beginning.
I find myself as the reader wanting to know more of how the character was "changed, loved, and cherished." I would avoid the repetition of words like cherished, smile, makes, changed. The words stumble on each other.
Try using a thesaurus to get similar words and step away from cliche lines. I like the whole idea of this piece, these are just my thoughts. Great Job.
I thought this poem was beautiful. The words flowed nicely and your word choice was delicate and lovely, as was the poem. I'm guessing it's about a loved one (If it wasn't obvious enough). I didn't seem to find anything wrong with this passage other than one wording error and that was already stated below me. Other than that I found your poem amazing! Keep writing!
-SARAHJO
I really liked the positive vibes coming from that poem!
here
"It’s all thanks to that one person,
Who I love and cherish most."
it should be "Whom i love and cherish most"
other than that it flowed perfectly and it was overall great!