Author's Note: This is just an inspiration I got from an anime, so if it seems weird to you, you know why xD
Hoshi wa, sekai no ue ni kagayaku
The stars shine above the world.
Are mo watashi no mune no naka ni kono kimochi o okikaeru koto wa dekimasen.
No one can't replace this feeling inside my chest.
PEACE!
PEACE!
Kore ijō nigete imasen.
No more running away.
Watashi wa hoshi no yō ni kagayakudeshou.
I'll shine like the star.
Anata ni kokuhaku. To iu...
Confess to you. And say...
Watashi wa anata o aishiteimasu!
I love you!
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139,873 Literary Works • 672,783 Reviews
Greetings, Kanome! I am a huge fan of anime, as well, and I really enjoyed this poem of yours. I don't know what anime it's based on, but, by the way it's written, I can tell that it must be "shoujo". The way you translated it in both Japanese and English was brilliant and the way you describe the narrators' confession was, also, charming.
The poem was short, sweet, and beautiful. I wish there were more poems and stories based on anime, or use anime references, on this site. Then it wouldn't really be all that boring here. Anyway, I have to say that this is the best poem I have ever read and hope to see more like this.
On another note, if you are interested, could you read my light novel "Trapped in a Fairy Tale World." Light Novels as in short stories used as the inspiration for manga and anime, or something like that. Hope you have a nice day. Kman134, out!
Kaaa~
That was adorable. ^-^ This poem is just really sweet, and simple and lovely. This can really be sung as a song and I love how you've written the Japanese version of it above as well. Since is so short, there's really nothing to nitpick.
AS @CatherinKanya has said, the 'can't should be replaced with a can.
However, I do have a suggestion for you.
Between those lines, I felt as if something was missing. Perhaps add in some lines about running away from what?
But that's just a suggestion, I love your poem as it is! Is really simple and sweet, nice work!
-S.s
Hey there Kanome. I am a big fan of anime and I liked the poem. It was short and sweet and I also love the fact that you wrote the Japanese translation. I I did find a teeny weeny error in the sentence-
'No one can't replace this feeling in my chest'
The 'can't' should be replace by a 'can'.
But other than that it was a really good poem. Hope to read a lot more from you.
Cheers
CatherinKanya