Sadness chains around my heart,
Screaming,
Yearning for someone’s love.
All I hear is hatrid,
Backstabbing friends,
Cheating lovers,
How can I feel happiness?
When no one shares it with me?
Or cherishes me with pure feelings?
Broken-hearted,
To the point where I shut down,
And turn away from the world.
Now I must go,
And forever be,
Alone.
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139,873 Literary Works • 672,783 Reviews
Well done Kanome. I thought you really got across the emotion and feel that you were going for. The only thing that you may think of changing is the three consecutive question mark endings, however, the piece still works with them in there, it just catches my eye when I look at it. I thought you did a very good job in describing the feelings of loneliness and desperation for love. Well done.
-TommyBear
Well done Kanome. I thought you really got across the emotion and feel that you were going for. The only thing that you may think of changing is the three consecutive question mark endings, however, the piece still works with them in there, it just catches my eye when I look at it. I thought you did a very good job in describing the feelings of loneliness and desperation for love. Well done.
-TommyBear
Well done Kanome. I thought you really got across the emotion and feel that you were going for. The only thing that you may think of changing is the three consecutive question mark endings, however, the piece still works with them in there, it just catches my eye when I look at it. I thought you did a very good job in describing the feelings of loneliness and desperation for love. Well done.
-TommyBear
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hey.prithamrittika here for a review. your poem is emotional.i like the finishing of the poem:
"now i must go, and forever be
alone"
your starting is very nice:
"Sadness chains around my heart,
Screaming,
Yearning for someone’s love." these lines are touching.
i read the poem attentively and truly i said i can feel the meanings of every line of your poem. really it's very good and nice. keep writing like this........
Hey there
This poem is quite sad, but at the same time I feel that you've managed to tap into an emotion everyone can relate to in a way which is written very well. The length of the lines is very effective, the way they sometimes end abruptly adds to the tone of the poem and helps to emphasis the feelings and thoughts you're trying to evoke in the reader.
The rhetorical questions being asked is all very well used, it encourages the reader to pause and critically think about what you're trying to say and I enjoyed that immensely.
The only error I could find is in line 4, with the word "hatrid" which should rather be spelt "hatred".
Other than that, this is a thought-inducing, well written poem. Good luck with the rest of your writing endeavors!