I am not alive.

by ImHero

Published September 5, 2013

E - Everyone

In Poetry

Deleted

Comments & reviews · 4
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rbt00
Review
rbt00 wrote a review Review · Sep 6, 2013

Hey! I think I will go one by one . The first two lines did not have a comma neither a fullstop So i think it should be more of like
"In my days I've seen mountains turning,
rocks crumbling off the sides,
as they make crackling noises to the echoes."

A good and long write I must say. Great Talent you have there. Your poem was nice and a deep meaning. The title lured me into reading this piece. I expected it to be amazing and it was just a bit of mistakes here and there.

In the fifth stanza you forgot to put a full stop to end your stanza:-
"In portions of my life I've felt the caring of others,
the emotional bond of a significant other
but it passes and the hole of unfulfilled promises
creates eyes in my chest, and the blood in me accumulates dust.
I feel barred as pieces of my personality are chipped away like mountains."

On the whole great I really loved it!

User avatar
LaughingHyena
Review
LaughingHyena wrote a review Review · Sep 5, 2013

This is so beautiful...I love the meanings and the use of descriptions, I particularly love the lines 'People often tell me that I'm too shy/my only reply is that I'm reserved./I am reserved for the morning breeze...' I love the way you use images in nature and scenery such as moss, plants and mountains to describe overseeing things without participating, something I myself have been able to relate to at times. A really gorgeous piece of writing, one of the best pieces of unpublished poetry I've seen in ages.

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charmyvora
Comment
charmyvora commented Comment · Sep 5, 2013

i really liked ur poem.. it has some kind of deep meaning .. :D

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charmyvora
Comment
charmyvora commented Comment · Sep 5, 2013

i really liked ur poem.. it has some kind of deep meaning .. :D



I regret everything.
— Ron Swanson