Hey Hero, Black here for a quick review!Okay! So this was great! It had a lot of power-meat to it that I really appreciated. It was just chocked full of information and ideas and thoughts . . . so much I'm just WOW. Your pacing is really neat, and your wording and imagery are both quite exquisite, if I do say so myself! Great job!However I did, unfortunately, find a number of small and major problems. First, and foremost: Your theme is unclear, and seems to bounce all over the place. Second, you use absolutely no punctuation (note: poetry needs punctuation like all writing -punctuation shows where to slow down, where to pause, and where to phase off . . . you need it: ALWAYS). And finally (for what I'm going to point out), your flow is simply horrible (usually I use rhyming to keep my flow going, but even though you don't have a style like mine, your flow is miserable -sorry).So first off I'm going to be going into your punctuation problem. Note here and now though: It's up to you to sit down and do the hard work of actually revising, and solving your problem! Do me, and yourself, a favour, and do so! Okay, so to the problem: Poetry needs punctuation. Punctuation, as I noted, shows how to read a piece. Without it, technically speaking, said piece should just be read 'blahblahblahblah', with no stops, pauses, or slowing down. See how that wouldn't work?Here are two prime examples of where you need punctuation (horribly), but don't use it. I've put in some fixes for you too. (Note: If you don't know what punctuation to use, PM me about it, I'd be glad to follow up on it!).
I am one without a faithBut what I believe will never lastAnd when evidence is not enoughTheories are all I haveSo if I told you how we're madeNot a single thing would changeThat like anything it fadesAnd in the end I live in shame.
I am one without an answerTrueness or reality is mystery to meA place that we can never see!A truth that you and I can never beNever to be proven with no returnAnd the very second my belief will burnI will watch its particles turningYearning to be a fact.
And even If I could not foreseeThe reality of God that I do not believeThen hell shall be my objectFor I cannot understand this conceptThat my virtue be rewardedOf god sending me to be damnedIf I was not gifted with his faithThen I shall not be in his commandBut I believe in this love, I do‘Of thy neighbor like my friend’And if God sends me to HellThen Hell and I should make amendsCause if I do not have an eighth sense of GodFor God made me who I amThen I am one without a giftNot one that deserves a Hell without an end.
Cause I am the scientist against creationismI die as they preach ignorance as faithI am the one daring to seek the truthTo the stubborn, I die without a traceI am the path to advancement in societyI am the truth that receives disputeIn the end, I will never perishMy theories change as I review.I am the Scientist
As requested, here is your review. Sorry for the lateness, my internet was down all weekend. After reading your poem, I found it to be well written with a good flow to it. The poem was easy to read and no grammatical errors came to my attention. Now to the content I found this to be very interesting about the views of an atheist scientist. I myself have a great respect for science and have many close friends who are atheist so his hits close to home. I thought it was interesting how the person talks about being sent to hell for his beliefs and then repenting. I agree with what you're saying about God condemning people for not believing in him; I had a fight with someone about religion and that was their main argument about the need for going to church. I really liked the point you were making and felt it was portrayed well. I did not particularly like the second to last stanza about coloring books. I had to think about what you meant by it for a few minutes and with a little rewriting, the point could be shown better. Overall, a good poem about a hot topic. Good work
First of all, I am first and formost a scientist. And while I believe that there is a God, it does not affect my scientific mind. I think that we still should seek to answer every question out there with science, but so far we have not proven or disproven the existance of a God. When and if that point comes, I will believe in what the data shows. In fact, there have even been episodes of Through The Wormhole that had to deal with where we go after we die. Also, I am not saying that I know there is a God, I just find it hard not to believe it. Besides, is Atheism supported by evidence? No, it is supported by lack thereof.
"Claims and ideas that are not supported by evidence can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens.Blind faith, separated from critical thinking, is not a virtue - it's intellectual poison.
I find this poem very interesting. For a while, I myself was a self-proclaimed Atheist. However, you are also insinuating that ALL scientists are Athiest, which is not true. Honestly, even the big bang shows some indication that there may be a God. I mean, it's almost like 'there was nothing, and then there was light.' And as far as the line 'evolution is happening!', not all religous people don't believe in evolution. For example, like in the bible, when God chose to not control us (not saying this is 100% accurate, just using it as an example) maybe that included having mutations that would allow for unguided change. Not trying to convert you, just trying to say that not everyone that is religous is bad or doesn't believe in science. I believe evolution could just be the how, not the why. Also, in the line 'only MY work can have flaws', I KNOW for a fact that God makes mistakes. Now that I'm done rambling, let's move onto grammar, spelling, and punctuation. First of all, in the line, "My theory's change as I review.", theory's should be theorys. Also, cause should be because. An should also be and, and even that is bad grammar. Now for the good stuff. I really liked two things in your poem, although one is a little narcisistic. One being that you capitalized Scientist, bringing irony to the poem. The other is that I noticed a reference to the Theory of Everything, in the lines ' So I tied the rules of nature together, Like a single solitary string.' I love science, and I love to debate about just about everything, from religion to politics, so I really did like this poem. Yay, fellow science geeks!
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