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139,622 Literary Works • 672,630 Reviews
WOW!!!!!!!!!
That is all I can say. You've used your language well in this poem, it just needed a bit more gramma.....
But it blew me away, I think that you've done an amzing job 9/10 for sure!
And I like the way you've made it so that we - the readers- make the decision if it is a reality or that of a nightmare, truly amazing!
~Neverland
Hi Imhero!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem this review day!
I loved this poe, I can really relate to this.It was so perfectly laid out and written I cannot prais étouffée enough on this work.
My only constructive critism is that you use some punctuation.
I loved this piece of work, amazing
~keep writing
This poem is amazing! I really love it. I love how it flows through every verse and the idea is inspiring.
Keep writing because I love this
~The World.
Thank you
Every time I see this: ~The World. I think it is like the whole world tht wrote it xD
This is very good. I like the rhythm but (this may be just me) but after a sentence I dot his
this may be another me thing but I didn't understand this sentence.
"And if my eyes don’t open,
Meet me by the shallow in the haze,
Whisper gently that I’m sleeping,
And shake me till I wake."
Instead of
"And if my eyes don’t open
Meet me by the shallow in the haze
Whisper gently that I’m sleeping
And shake me till I wake"
Just a preference I guess. I really like how you give the feeling that the person is sleeping or awake and it leaves me thinking.
"Cries of shadow raining skies
Shake as they burn"
What is shaking? I guess that the sky is raining but why would they be shaking? Hope this helps and you understand it. ^_^
I like to start off by saying thank you, and I agree with you; see I wrote this before I knew that, in poetry, the comma's constitute a pause and I simply didn't change it !! so thanks you helped with a big part of this poem!
I like to leave it to interpretation, but while I wrote it, it was of a delusional man so the shaking in the sky could possibly be his dream or his imagination, but valid point and will consider revising in the future
Oh sorry, i got confused, cos that's how I used to have it.. I dont like adding them cos I feel like it disrupts my flow
Thanks! I get it.
I like it. Espiecially the fact that it is short, but still manages to contain more than most poems. You have used your vocabulary well, it seems, and the way the whole thing "clicks" is nice. It feels creative, even if it doesn't feel original enough, and does not feel polished enough. Work more with it and it'll be great.
7,5/10 It' really nice.
Love, Bob Walker!
Hey, Thanks! I appreciate the feedback ! uhm, Do you know what parts seem cliche to you?