Young Writers Society

Bravo! Excellent! Outstanding! Amazing! I really enjoyed this poem because I myself am a writer. It Is a great poem and you're a great poet. I can't wait to read more of your work! It is just so beautiful. Your poetry is fascinating. I will read more of your writing later! Keep writing!

From,
Buddy886551

Really Enjoyed the poem! Amazing I must say. I like the line "As the boy who never could be as strong as he writes."

This line "I use to swear, "
Use- Used

This poem conveys a great message because I am just a writer too. The concept is great. It had deep and inspiring words. Keep Going Do Write More
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RBT

I have to say, I really quite enjoyed this poem. It had actual meaning, and it's something I could relate to, being a writer myself. I especially loved the line, "As the boy who never could be as strong as he writes."

The only real problem I have with this piece is the way you broke up the stanzas. I understand that you were trying to emphasize certain words this way, but I think some of it still needs changing. For example, in the line "I write to make you the person I could never be," I think it would be better if you separated it like, "I write to make you," "the person," and "I could never be." I don't know, but I just think it would sound smoother like that. There are a few parts like that which I suggest that you rethink. Well besides, this was a really great poem with some very deep, inspiring words. Great work

Hey there! Green Lantern here for a review!


This was so beautiful and meaningful. I loved the ideas you expressed her and the way you did so.

There are some times when you wrote never could, and I think maybe it would flow more cohesively if you switched the two around and wrote could never. It just seemed to fit better in my opinion.

Hm. This is terrible. I can't think of what to say to help you improve this! I really liked this, and I'm having a hard time finding problems with it. (Yes, that is a compliment)

The only thing I can think that I didn't like so much is the ending. I almost feel like "be the change" is a slightly anticlimactic last line. I've always felt like the last line should really rap together the whole poem, but this one almost didn't fit. Maybe see if you can tie the ending back into the beginning?

Anyway, I hope maybe I was at least a little bit helpful? If you have any questions or comments let me know. Keep writing!

I used to swear,
there had to be an image

While I sulk in immorality,
collapsing under the pressure
of conformity.
I write to make you
the person I never could
be.

as the boy who never could
be as strong as he writes

the boy who never could
be the change.

As a writer myself I want to so desperately reach to people, touch people, be something, show the world something. From this poem I get a sense that conveys that, as by knowing you it also seems like something you would like to write because of past frustration.

I think at the end of a couple of your lines you have decided to end on a single word to emphasis that word. However I think that you may have missed the mark a bit. For example 'be' is not really a significant word and I think it would work nicer if it stuck with the previous line. "the person I never could be".
Same goes with the previous stanza. I think that "of pure intuition." works better.

Maybe so
in poetry.

the boy who never could
be the change.

UM...this work is great 'kay,i like the concept,its refreshing and well...i couldn't stop looking at it,its great,believe me you,you are definitely a writer.Is this your first poem?i really don't have much to say, other than what i've said before,its nice,beautiful and can reach out to other writers with your words,the secret is understanding the words,the message being conveyed,not if it makes sense or not.Kudos