Cocaine Rush

Ah, imagery is such a nice thing when it's done correctly. Sometimes people throw in corny metaphors that make you scratch your head in puzzlement. "Why on Earth did he/she say that? It's really beyond me..." When metaphor makes sense though, that's when we realize why it's such a potent tool for writers to use. It's able to take two human experiences and meld them into representations of each other. That's powerful stuff.

The metaphor in question for this particular piece, at least the one I liked, was this:

The particles pop like a musical,
playing a pun for the inner audience
of my taste-buds.

They scream “Encore!”
before the velvet curtain
even revealed the show.


Velvet curtain is a beautiful way to talk about a piece of flesh as ungainly and unattractive as the tongue, but it works so well.

I had just finished a coke when I read this. I was expecting some sort of hallucinatory poem about a man smoking it up, getting real high. I was curious to see how somebody describes the experience of being on drugs. Instead I got this, but I'm not complaining. So many people drink so many soft drinks, it really is like liquid cocaine... It isn't very good for us, but we honestly don't give two damns. Thank you for sharing this. I appreciated reading it. Carry on!

Great poem. Well written and nicely arranged. I like the starting and ending; both are quite nice. My favourite stanza was:
' As I open the suctioned in cold,
the contents invite me in,
with the smell of old lunch meet. '
I would recommend you to use more rhyming words; it would add more spice to your poem. As for punctuations, more colourful puncuations would make it appear nicer. Look forward to reading more from you. All the best for your upcoming work.
- Anshira

Hi there
Well first off I'm addicted to fizzy drinks, only because I suffer from Chronic Fatigue and the sugar is the only thing that gives me any energy D:
So to your poem! I really do love the idea that fizzy-addiction is the same as cocaine addiction, because it pretty much is. Your poetry very good and well-styled.
I've read that you wanted this to be very anti-fizzy drink, and you could almost deter someone from drinking it ever again XD But there is something quite alluring about the fizzy drinks haha.

But overall I really liked it

Hi there.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I like the imagery you used for it, it made me think of a can of Coca-Cola was going to appear on my table lol! I loved how it you wrote about it as if you were drinking one right then and there, just to read: "I realize it is not real." That part made me laugh a little .

I must admit I got sad when the fridge was opened to find out there wasn't any of the Coke lol.

Reading this brought back memories of the first can of Coca-Cola I evr had and to be honest its making me thirsty for one .

In my opinion, great poem!!!

Hello there, fellow sugar lover ,

I really enjoyed your poem, I found it interesting to read. I love how you compare sugary sweets to cocaine. They really are addictive aren't they?

The imagery in this poem is very well done, and no part of this poem seems 'forced' if you know what I mean. Everything seems to flow fine, and I had to read it again at the line "I realize it's not real." I had almost forgotten that you were recalling past experiences.

I loved how disappointed when you found out there was no more fizzy drinks, I just got the image of someone standing there like "Now what?" which made me laugh.

The only thing I was not so keen on was the stand alone line at the end. It interrupted the flow of the poem, but that might just be me, although, traditionally, after a line going to a stand-alone, there should be some sort of punctuation after "of".

Other than those tiny, tiny two things, I must say I liked your poem.