bones

My gosh,I like this poem so much!The words that you use really bringing effects to me.I can feel the emotions too!I love every words you use to describe yourself.

"I am architect of faces;
I put some colors in my cheeks
and rub my frowns upward
until you see impressions
of happiness; of subtle, slick
ounces of 'normalness'.-->this word seems is not right to me anyway.Should it be 'normalizes'.Anyway,just my suggestion here
Good job!

Hey, I really enjoyed reading your poem. I love the idea of it and how you imaginatively described what was happening.

I really liked how the poem started, the line 'I rattle as I crawl' is a favourite of mine it just really helps to understand how 'bony' the person is. Second stanza was just as interesting in terms of creating the face and its impressions. I can't say I've ever read anything like this before so it was a very interesting read. The third stanza kind of lost me a little, and I thought you lost of richness of the poem used the word ''til,' I felt like it almost dumped the poem down a little. And I feel that when you said 'like the rivets inside of more rivets,' you could have been a little more creative and used another word instead of repeating yourself. And the final stanza lost me again. So I think the poem started very well but dropped off a little at the end. But I'm sure this is my own lack of understanding so don't take it personally.

Overall I did really enjoy your poem and the idea of it, I'd say just work on making the last two stanza's more understandable.

Lemme start reviewing :_
The line "I am this filthy skin thing" seemed a bit odd. Try changing that.

I think there should be a full stop after this line "
that moves around sounding like crackles"


"diseases and cancer
were hanging on my tongue."

It should be diseases and cancer
hanging on my tongue

or either

diseases and cancer still hanging on my tongue or maybe something more good that would suit it.

Also this line "but all you do is walk"
All you do is walk seems odd and weird. You definitely need to add another word to make it sound good cos honestly speaking that sounds very Very weird. Not being harsh or something okay? A review is a review.

"but it’s of the flames in a sun rise,"

Of does not fit in this line. Nor does a. But maybe you could go with 'a' but not with 'of'
Let it be more like "It's the flames in the sunrise.

"I just sigh for the moment,"
It should be more like " I just sigh the moment' for doesn't seems to fit in here,
Anyways a good write. Keep Writing.

Hi ImHero,here is Dark to give review on your poem.

First of all,I like the way you use the literature styles here.
e.g;Clichés(A metaphor or simile that has become so familiar),while almost all people think,they should avoid Cliché in poetry.But you did it well here because you can express the same idea with an unfamiliar words to replace cliché.

The use of diction also strong that will gives the reader feel the emotions inside.

#burning us like the dreams of poverty
burning the ashes ‘til atoms cease to exists.

Overall,I really like the idea here.(Not mentioned about grammar,because that was your writing style.And poetry is totally different with short story).You did a great job here!
Kudos
~Dark.

All right, for the review. "we’re hanging on my tongue." Do you mean "were" there? That would make more sense. "then this life you left me with," the 'then' should be 'than'. And what is "raddling?" You said "but it always ends up raddling," but do you mean "rattling" to echo what you said earlier?
I'm glad you put up more, so I hope this helps!