Young Writers Society

Hi there Forever! I'm back for your second prize review from the RevMo Banner Contest this year :D

I'm going to be comparing this poem and What do tears cost? a fair bit over the course of this review, since you specifically requested that I review your newest and older poems to see how you've developed as a poet. I do not at all mean to come across like I'm being super critical of your older poetry; you started out with already lovely poems, and you've just gotten even better at writing! So if it comes across as me making it sound like your older poem was bad at any point in the review, please know that is not my intention at all <3

I find it super interesting to see the differences between them - right away I can see that you're making use of several new poetic elements that weren't in your first poem, especially stanzas and repetition. In What do tears cost?, I would say there isn't a ton of organization in the format or even just how the ideas within the poem are arranged. In this poem, though, there is a clear "point" or new image introduced within each stanza, which gives the poem a lot more direction and momentum. The repetition of "I am without a language" also really pulls the poem together - it acts a bit like some glue that ground the whole thing. This is especially important since unlike in What do tears cost?, the family of imagery isn't all just one thing (ie water images).

I also think your imagery has become more complex; instead of simply using descriptive verbs/nouns, like you did for the most part in What do tears cost?, you actually paint entire images here. For example, in the first stanza you start with the image of a seed being sown and grown. In the next stanza, you describe rays of sunlight on water, and then in the third stanza you the narrator as being like a stone. You even make use of some lovely personification in the second to last stanza, describing the narrator's heart as "crying" and growing louder as time passes.

One thing that I did notice in both poems is the use of conversational phrases and sentence structure in some places. For example, here:

I have them but well as you know

But believe, I didn't understand them.

Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review!

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you and I'll get into the poems a bit here. I'll just structure my review a little differently than usual and comment more on possible interpretations and the general flow. Since I have no idea about poem structures, that will be left out. Let's start right away:

My brain has a language
My heart has a language
But I am without one

The linguistic seed that was sown
A long ago has not yet grown.
I watch the sun's Rays
Falling over the shining bays
I can feel but no I can't describe
I am without a language.

People say I am a stone
– I don't have feelings, they say

I have them but well as you know
I am without a language.

I have pondered
I squandered my thoughts
But believe, I didn't understand them.
I don't understand their languages for
I am without a language.

My heart cries, I can hear it
The sound increasing with every beat
But oh! I am still lonely
I am without a language.

How do you describe things?
You definitely have a language
What is it? Can you tell me?
Then maybe I will borrow it for
I am without a language.

Hiya Forever!

My first impression of this poem is that it conveys a sense of difficulty, of struggle. I get the sense that the speaker keeps trying to communicate something of themselves to others but finds it difficult to articulate what they mean to say.

The poem is filled with repetition, which made me imagine someone’s recurring thoughts about the same problem they’ve had lifelong. It feels like they are ruminating over it.

I don't understand their languages for
I am without a language.

I watch the sun's Rays
Falling over the shining bays

My heart cries, I can hear it
The sound increasing with every beat

I have pondered
I squandered my thoughts

I have them but well as you know

Hey there Forever! I think this was the poem you used for the spoken word event? I remember really enjoying that one, and thought your reading added just so much emotion to it too. So I'm here for a quick review.

Interpretation
I interpreted this poem to be about someone who feels they can't quite fully express themselves for some undisclosed reason - it's interesting in this case that the reason is ambiguous because it gives the reader a bit of an "unknown" just like the speaker of the poem has. Perhaps they are in a setting where no one speaks their household or first-known language and are struggling to find words because they feel transplanted - that's not an experience I can relate to, but I imagine would resonate with a lot of people who have moved or been put in a different culture where they feel they are lacking in some way or can't express the fullness of their self. There's a lot of sadness and searching in the poem throughout and the repetition of that final line in each stanza "I am without a language" I think amplifies the sadness every time it's repeated.

Formatting
Something got a little off with that first stanza if you click shift & enter when you add a new line it will stay in place rather than adding such a big line break, but no problem! I liked that each stanza was fairly consistent in length, this keeps the poem looking clean and polished and also makes the flow sound better I believe. Well done, the poem looks like you spent a lot of time making it neat and well-edited.

I especially liked in the end when the speaker directly address the reader saying " what is it? "can you" because that challenges the reader to come up with an answer or word and puts them in the same predicament as the speaker in a way / putting them on the spot and I think really gives more emotion to the piece. If you can find another place to address the speaker in the first half of the poem, I think it's a great technique to use!

Specific Thoughts
I like how in stanza 1, 2, 3 and 5 you use metaphors to describe the speaker's experience however, in stanza 4 I had a hard time understanding what that added to the poem - or what it was really referring to - perhaps you could be a bit more specific in that section. I think one of the most clever points of the poem are these two lines,

The linguistic seed that was sown

A long ago has not yet grown.

Hey!!! Spunky here to do my first review after a loooooong time!

Grows

My brain has a language

My heart has a language

But I am without one.

The linguistic seed that was sown

A long ago has not yet grown.

I watch the sun's Rays
Falling over the shining bays
I can feel but no I can't describe

You definitely have a language

People say I am a stone
– I don't have feelings, they say
I have them but well as you know
I am without a language.

Recognized.

Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your respective time zone. Anyway, onto the review. I really enjoyed reading this poem! I loved how your poem could be interpreted in different ways. My personal interpretation of your poem was how the narrator knowers how to speak, and has an actual language, but they cannot seem to express themselves, and they feel like no one knows what they are going through.

I watch the sun's Rays
Falling over the shining bays
I can feel but no I can't describe
I am without a language.

I watch the sun's Rays
Falling over the shining bays

My brain has a language
My heart has a language