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Holi Day

by ForeverYoung299


The blinding shots of colours

As bright as the blooming, blossoming flowers

They don't let me see

The spirit of spring that is set free

I fumble around

For my friends who make tons of sound

from here and there

I say, quite excited, "It is not fair!"

They care at last

There is a loud, gleeful burst

The colourful food

Arrives for our joy's good.

We nearly gulp them 

The taste is the very same

As of the last year

Setting a wonderful atmosphere


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8 Reviews


Points: 858
Reviews: 8

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Wed Jul 28, 2021 3:56 pm
TheRebel2007 wrote a review...



Have a good day!

I think I am a little too late for a review but anyway, I think I will just add this here.

ForeverYoung299 wrote:The blinding shots of colours

As bright as the blooming, blossoming flowers

They don't let me see

The spirit of spring that is set free


A beautiful and eloquent use of alliteration makes this part of the poem, but I think this is a little self-contradictory. Aren't the blinding shots of colours the sign of the arrival of the bright season of Spring? Holi is the celebration of the arrival of Spring, would it not be better to just say,

"They herald to me
The spirit of Spring that is set free..."

I think that would make it better, or you can just edit it to some other wording if you want. :p

ForeverYoung299 wrote:I fumble around

For my friends who make tons of sound

from here and there

I say, quite excited, "It is not fair!"


That's quite accurate in describing the ambience of the festival, and a clever style of alliteration.

ForeverYoung299 wrote:They care at last

There is a loud, gleeful burst

The colourful food

Arrives for our joy's good.

We nearly gulp them

The taste is the very same

As of the last year

Setting a wonderful atmosphere


Aye, food, who doesn't love good food? A good way of describing the traditional food eaten on Holi.

Although the writing is beautiful, includes a lot of imagery and alliteration and manages to provoke a feeling of a colourful festival, I feel that Holi isn't complete without the description, or at least a mention, of playing with colours. Is it because of the present situation of the pandemic?

All in all, I loved the poem, it's beautiful, eloquent, and graceful. I hope I have been able to help you a little. :p






Hey! Thanks for the review and I do think that I mentioned playing Holi. And yeah, that was due to this stupid corona



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Points: 2150
Reviews: 1

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Tue Jul 27, 2021 1:52 am
PoetryBot says...



Thanks for participating in this poetry challenge ForeverYoung! Your poem sets a very exciting mood for the Holi celebration.

Keep on poeting poet! :]

BEEP BOP BOOP

_PoetryBot






Hey PoetryBot, Thanks a lot for the comment. Glad that u liked it :D



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7 Reviews


Points: 178
Reviews: 7

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Mon Jul 26, 2021 7:55 pm
Katem_277 wrote a review...



Hi there! I thought I'd stop by and leave a (very) short review.

I really like this poem as I feel it paints very vivid, colourful picture in the reader's mind. I especially enjoy the line "as bright as the blooming, blossoming flowers" as I feel it not only rolls off the tongue but perfectly illustrates the bursts of colour mentioned before.

Overall, the poem is great and creates a lovely atmosphere :)

Keep up the good work!






Hey! Thanks for the review.



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15 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 15

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Mon Jul 26, 2021 12:12 pm
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eilisBK wrote a review...



Hey there Forever! It's Eilís here with a quick review for you.

To start, I really love this poem you've written. It's quite simple yet you're still able to create very vivid images in the reader's imagination.

As bright as the blooming, blossoming flowers


I particularly love this line. Your use of alliteration make the sentence not only fun to read and say aloud, but it also had strong imagery.

I say, quite excited, "It is not fair!"


I would consider changing "It is" to "It's" as it rolls off the tongue easier and doesn't disrupt your readers flow when reading.

There was a loud, gleeful burst


I noticed here that you switched from present tense to past tense. There might be a reason for this, but if not then perhaps change the rest going forward to present tense for continuity's sake.

We nearly gulp them
The taste was the very same


Just another example of how the tense is changing. Either past of present would work throughout the poem, but just make sure it's continuous as the changes can break you audience's flow when reading.

Overall, I really liked this poem. It's cute, it's simple and it's really fun to read. Who doesn't love a holiday poem?

I can't wait to read your next piece! Keep up the good work. Happy Holidays in July!






Hey! Thanks for the review! Thanks for pointing out the tense inconsistency. I have changed it. Hope it looks better now. Again, thanks a lot for the review!




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