Why do I cry?
Why am I shy?
Not to my precious heart, it's known
But shown
To my beloved eyes.
It cries
Saying, it was it's mistake
It is for it's sake
That today I am single
It says it's for it that I can't mingle
With that lad
Who was glad
To leave me
In front of my eyes...
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey Forever!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I am not very used to reviewing poetry so again, bear with me.
I really liked this poem. It was short and poignant and it evoked this great sense of sadness in me that I couldn't explain. At first, I thought it was the general musings of a sad and insecure person who cannot explain to themselves why they are the way they are . But later on, it became clearer that the questions posed in the beginning had been placed there because they were hurt by someone and left alone.
I really loved these lines and how its shorter length seemed to pull in a brake in the story to make its effect even more impactful.
I also love the way the poem flowed so easily and smoothly. You used short simple words, without going into much complications and I think it is that simplicity that makes it stand out for me.
I found it a little strange that the last two sentences did not rhyme when all the others did, but I feel that it created a really nice ending with its difference from the rest of the poem.
Overall, really great poem.
Keep up the good work and have a great day!
Thanks for the review
I absolutely loved this poem! It's full of emotion and it rhymes. I absolutely love rhyming poetry.
First of all, I don't think there are any flaws with this poem. Even the ending is fabulous. I feel like when you make a rhyming poem you want the last two lines to not rhyme specifically because it shows the ending of the poem. I really like how 'me' from the second to last line plays off of 'my' from the last line.
Anyways, I could write nothing but positive feedback about this poem all day but its late so I'll have to cut it short.
Keep it up! I look forward to seeing more from you. And utill next time, happy writing!
I absolutely loved this poem! It's full of emotion and it rhymes. I absolutely love rhyming poetry.
First of all, I don't think there are any flaws with this poem. Even the ending is fabulous. I feel like when you make a rhyming poem you want the last two lines to not rhyme specifically because it shows the ending of the poem. I really like how 'me' from the second to last line plays off of 'my' from the last line.
Anyways, I could write nothing but positive feedback about this poem all day but its late so I'll have to cut it short.
Keep it up! I look forward to seeing more from you. And utill next time, happy writing!
Hello, ForeverYoung!
I'm here for a really short review (as it is very late).
I found myself reading parts of this poem slow, and parts of it fast
These last two lines don't rhyme, which doesn't fit because all the others rhyme with the ones below them. Just a thought.
The ending of your poem (...) doesn't quite fit it makes it sound like an incomplete thought, or that this is just part of a larger poem. So ending it with this - or this ~ or even a simple period might be better than the three periods you have now.
Overall, this poem is pretty good, although the point didn't come across as good as it could have, but I still liked it!
-Truly, Mingan
Follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. (concerning writing)
Heya, Ruby here with a review!
Awesome start, I love the questioning as you begin the poem. It gives a small insight to the read which I like a lot.
This really shows the sadness in the poem! I love the way in which you carry on the lines with fluidity in both the structure and word choice.
Oh wow! It really shows me how your eyes witness and feel all the pain ; your heart is numb but your eyes still cry because they left...
Great poem! The message is clear and definitely has an effect. The odd line is a bit confusing but the next phrase fixes it. Stay safe
Rubes x
Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!
Hmmm....
My first interpretation of this was someone with a disability, perhaps with Aspergers Syndrome. Which probably is because I, myself, have Aspergers syndrome, and those few lines translate well into some of the struggles I've had.
People with autism aren't actually emotionless hyper-intelligent robots who lack empathy-its just we don't have the social skills to express that empathy in a way most people will understand.
People with Autism can find social interaction exhausting, but that doesn't mean we don't need or like social interaction. Sometimes that's the very thing we ask ourselves-why are we shy? Why are we a mess of sentimental craving for social interaction, that find dealing with people hard and always say the wrong thing?
Then I read the rest of your poem, and realized it was about a romantic relationship and how we blame ourselves when it fails.
This can translate to-why can I not communicate, why can I not say all the things I have to say?
This can then translate to-why do I regret, why does this situation hurt me so much?
The heart is precious to the narrator because its the thing that feels, gives meaning. The eyes are beloved to the narrator because its with them that he can see the world around him, and his lover especially. If this poem really is about a failed relationship then the usage of the words 'beloved' and 'precious' could either be the narrator expressing their longing, or sarcasm.
Hmmm I found the usage of the words its and it's both redundant and somewhat confusing. Did you intentionally do that to leave the reader to make their own guess as to what 'it' is? If not, then I'd find a more specific word ^^
Aaand that concludes this review! I hope you found it helpful in someway <333
BROUGHT TO YOU BY...
Hi ForeverYoung!! Anne here for a review!
Your poem is splendid!! The cry of a dejected person! It's extremely touching
MEANING
The highlight on the imperfections in the first lines, gives a perfect idea of what the poem is going to be about within 5 seconds- which was remarkable! It gives the feel that the gloom stays in the hearts of the poet longer than there partner did. Blaming our imperfections every time someone leaves us is not uncommon. When anyone leaves, we believe that there must be a reason, and loving that person can make us critical of only our faults. This was beautifully expressed!! I also loved the buildup of the poem.
Well-written and absolutely amazing, is all ive to say !
If it's based on personal experience, I do hope you are better now!
LANGUAGE AND FLOW
Amazing!! The rhymes here and there, were everything I could've asked for...
This part I meant
The repetition in the first two lines, was powerful and effective.
One thing I had trouble understanding though was...
What is 'it' used for? The heart or the eyes. It'll be much appreciated if you could clarify, even though I have got a feeling it was for the heart. Because it would be grammatically incorrect if used for eyes.
Other than that, everything was perfect- perfectly depressing that is.
I think you strongly delivered the meaning you tried to convey!! Really brilliant job! Keep it up!
First of all, it was not based on personal experience. Secondly, this is the reason I love YWS. U know what I am a person who writes things without really understanding and I really love how u ppl find out a meaning of my writings.