z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



No topic

by ForeverYoung299


Brain is a mess

Life is a race. 

It's like a river

Nothing is permanent. 

Tried to find a 

Topic for poem.

But nothing at all. 

It's like circle.

Somewhere in the way,

You will find infinity

But, in the other places

A total zero. 

Not only me

It's everyone

Don't you feel the same?


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
56 Reviews

Points: 2448
Reviews: 56

Donate
Wed Mar 24, 2021 10:50 am
View Likes
akanbright wrote a review...



I so much like the imagery, extent and context of the poem. You should be given an award for 'no topic'. Really, its an incredible poem and I dont have much to say, but would like to give an analysis to the momentary structure of the poem. I so much kind of like the point where you said life is a race and that nothing is permanent.
Due to the evolvement of things around us and things that pertains to life, many things have been counted as zero, and along the way get to lose their stand and this is where I think "brain is a mess" comes In the picture.
The poem is a nice one, but it has a black euohoral, that bolted the run-on-lines of the poem. From the 6th line down, are a bit out of the point for me, and the last time I checked, it isn't supposed to be so, at least not in such a dimning way.
Many people may not feel the same thing, and the way you related the poem, proved it wrong and right as well.
I pray you do more than this in your next work.




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for the review. When I release the next work, shall I tag you? Then, you will be able to see if I have improved or not...



akanbright says...


Yh its my pleasure, but how do you tag a person for a post,seeing that it's no social media



ForeverYoung299 says...


There are two ways of tagging. First one%u2013 you can write their username with a @before it in the comments under the literary work you release. Second one- You can copy the link of the work and paste it on your wall. Then, you can simply write the usernames with a @ before those in the sane message or comment in your wall. Was I able to make you understand?



akanbright says...


I guess so, but I think its kind of stressful. Thanks anyways, I'll see to that.



User avatar
465 Reviews

Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Donate
Tue Mar 23, 2021 9:32 pm
View Likes
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! ^_^ I saw this poem in the literary section and decided to check it out and leave a short review for you! c:

I do agree with you that this poem is quite realistic! And I think my favourite thing about this poem is just that, how it is realistic, and how others can easily connect to it. Not everyone is going to relate or find a connection to every single poem you write, but I find poems more impactful when a wider audience can relate. So since this is a theme that a ton of people can relate to, it'll probably find a wider audience, and more people can relate to it, which I think is awesome! ^_^

I also find it interesting how you posed a question at the end of the poem, directly asking the reader a question. It felt like the fourth wall broke xD It was a cool and interesting choice to ask it at the very end of the poem, because even though the poem was over, I still kept reflecting on it because of the question. In addition, because you asked it at the very end, I felt no rush to answer it and took my time to reflect on it. I think the added "you" and question makes this poem more involved with the reader, which fits since your theme is quite relatable, too! Overall, I enjoyed reading this neat piece of yours :)

I do have some suggestions for you, but these are just suggestions! If you don't agree with me, please feel free to ignore me or disregard what I say c:

I think my main suggestion for your poem is to add more descriptions and more vivid imagery. I'll give you a few examples

Brain is a mess


Ooh, so how exactly is your brain a mess? Could you describe it more? Perhaps thoughts are ricocheting endlessly in your brain. Maybe it's filled with ripped out sheets of notebook paper and crumpled dreams. Maybe it's filled with a to-do list of all the things you need to get done but have been putting off for later. If you give this part a more concrete image, your reader will be able to visualize it better and connect even more! ^_^

Life is a race.

It's like a river


I would love to see you expand on these two metaphors! You introduced two comparison between life and something else, but you don't really do much with them; they're just kind of there. How exactly is life like a race? And how exactly is life like a river? I think it might even be helpful to take out one of those metaphors and just focus on one; this can help you further develop that metaphor and weave it into various parts of your poem!

Here's another small thing I noticed while reading!

It's like circle.


I think this would sound better if you phrased it like, "It's like a circle" or "It's like circles." To me, this sounds more grammatically correct, but it's up to you!!

And that's all I got for you! My main suggestion would be to add more descriptions in your poem; this would make it more vivi and tangible for the reader. Other then that, I thought this was a neat read! I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped ^_^




ForeverYoung299 says...


Hey, thanks for the review.
For the first two, I will add some more imagery. And for the last one, I think it was a typo.



User avatar
70 Reviews

Points: 789
Reviews: 70

Donate
Tue Mar 23, 2021 5:11 pm
View Likes
anne27 wrote a review...



This poem is infinitely realistic.
Hey there! Anne for a review.

Its funny and awe-inspiring that such a poem can be written on no topic and yet on such a beautiful topic. Awesome language used for every line. A poem can be written for every line as a topic, although the genres may differ. Makes me wonder why I haven't wrote anything about 'brain being a mess' or on 'nothing is permanent' - because they obviously make such great topics.

It was comforting to read this poem which summarises the passing feeling of every writer. Even though I like it so much- one idea I couldn't comprehend. If life's a circle, and you find infinity in places- how can there be a total zero? A circle having a zero? Or am I seeing it in a way that was never meant? I don't know. But thinking about it makes me feel that its more possible to lose yourself in the infinity because its so vast and hence, you can't find any topic. It also flows well with the idea that brain is a mess. You know, like, outburst of knowledge bringing in confusion- your mind may start being a zero in that infinity. Was that what you meant in the poem?

Answering the last line, yes I do feel the same sometimes. It was a most extraordinary poem. Loved it.

Keep writing :)




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for the review.

For that, I meant sometime in the life you have 0 ideas and the other times, you can't find a single idea.



anne27 says...


OK got it :)



User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:38 pm
View Likes
Rhyaiechan says...



so realistic and on point




User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:38 pm
Rhyaiechan says...



so realistic and on point




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thank you!



User avatar
103 Reviews

Points: 390
Reviews: 103

Donate
Tue Mar 23, 2021 12:08 pm
waywardxwanderer wrote a review...



This poem?? is stunning?? I absolutely adore it. It's written in a mixture of a poetic and personal style that really brings out the personal nature of it. It's beautiful and very unconventional.

"Tried to find a /Topic for poem. /But nothing at all." The contrast is beautiful- the way you use the lack of having a topic as a topic is lovely. This quote is really simple in a beautiful way.

"Somewhere in the way,/You will find infinity/But, in the other places/A total zero." This quote. I have no words, and I'm a writer, so uh... WOW. it creates such a lovely and interpretive, subjective tone where you know exactly what the writer feels, and it provokes a similar feeling in the reader, drawing out their own experiences with feelings similar to this.

"Don't you feel the same?" A beautiful line to end on. It really brings together the poem and just,,,, Yeah.

Overall, I have zero (0) critiques and this is a LOVELY poem. It's genuinely masterful. You should definitely be proud!!




ForeverYoung299 says...


Oh thanks! Glad that you liked it!!!




Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman