My head flooded with ideas
1–2–3–10
–They keep on increasing
But...
When I put pen to paper
They wants to repel.
My brain tells,
“Stop it! You can't”
I resist, “I can”
I start writing–
Night...
“No! I can't.”
I keep them aside
And start eating
What?
My head and
In turn myself.
I want peace
I want to stop thinking
I want to control my thought
I can't let myself
Be a workman
Of my thoughts!!!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey!
I just read your poem and thought I'd drop a review. I liked the number increase. You skipped 7 numbers. It illustrated how many thoughts and ideas are in your head. The format you used was really cool too.
I was a little confused here "My head and/In turn myself" I don't know if it was a grammar or mistake or intentional.
I hope you keep writing
Signed,
Pineapple
'Ello there!
I've read a lot of your prose writing, but I haven't seen a poem from you in a while. You're pretty familiar with my reviewing style, so I'll do what I normally do; word choice, formatting, possible grammar, possible symbolization, and everything like that.
I like the way this is shown in italics because it adds this effect that's perfect for the first line. It becomes something that will catch your attention before you read the whole thing, which should be enough to get someone to continue reading further.
"Ideas" is a somewhat weak word though; there are many things people consider ideas that can be debatable at times, so what kind of ideas are you referencing there? Or is it more of a general topic that can change with the person's own opinions?
I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean? The whole stanza on the right is complicated to me with usages of "eating" when no food (or really even food for some thoughts) is presented in the former and current stanzas. I am also left saying "what?" like that one line there, but probably because of other reasons.
Speaking of formatting things, I don't like the way I have to dart my eyes from one side of the screen to the other to read everything; it just feels like a incomplete choice because the formatting does nothing to improve the quality of reading.
Good job once again ~
L
Thanks for the review. Now coming to your questions.
The right stanza:
It means I started writing something whose first word is night. Then I become frustrated with my writing and I keep them aside. Yes, there's a %u2018up%u2019 missing in the next line. It will be I start eating up. For the next line, I think I should remove that %u2018what%u2019. After removing it, the three lines stand%u2013 Start eating up/ my head and/ in turn myself. I hope you could decipher these three lines.
The formatting was actually bad. I agree with you but I am too lazy to change it now.
Whatever, thanks for the review.
Hey! You changed your username! I just noticed that. Great username
Hey there! MapleWay here dropping off a quick review!
This was really good! I liked the way you formatted it left, right, center as well! It made it more fun and interesting to read. It added flavor. My favorite part of the poem was the tone. The way the thoughts and the body are fighting one another. It all flowed so nicely. When it comes to the poem as a whole I wouldn't change anything. It did a perfect job getting done what it came to do.
Anyways great poem! Thanks for the tag!
- MapleWay
Thanks for the review. Glad that you liked it