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This person seems to realize what they have been doing wrong. Perhaps they have been pushing others away or hurting others without realizing it. Whatever the reason, something has happened to knock them back down to Earth after their high. They are not quite in the process of apologizing for what they did, but they have finally realized that that s what they need to do. Right now, they are grieving. They are trying to figure out how to apologize for what they did. They are not the same person they were before. They have grown older and matured. Before they only thought of themselves, now they are crying over what they have done to other people.
I personally interpret this poem as a person who is suffering (could be any kind of suffering) and to escape this suffering this person turns to self destructive behavior to escape from the suffering, but like all self destructive behavior it will eventually harm you greatly. And that is what this person exeprinced at the end.
Another interpretation I have from this poem is that a person thinks "the grass is greener on the other side" when it actually isn't. I just get a picture of a depressed person who is also poor, but gets rich and at first this person is living a kinf of high life, trying everything they couldn't try before. But after this "high" the depression kicks in again, making them realize money was never really an issue and the rerason to their depression.