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What do tears cost?

by ForeverYoung299


All tears if collected

In a single receptacle

Would be enough

To construct a watercourse

That can serve as a

Great- great source of water

That can definitely cost infinitude

As water is life

But is there any such place?

It should be dealt

Whose importance should be felt

By every individual.

In today's world,

These tears are costless

Crying is worthless


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Mon Nov 01, 2021 9:09 pm
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Hijinks wrote a review...



Hi Forever! I'm here for your RevMo Banner Contest prize reviews - I'm so sorry for the delay! Thank you for your patience!

So right off the bat, the title of this poem is a really interesting and engaging question. It takes a fairly common idea - what even is the point of crying if it doesn't fix anything? - and puts a very original and interesting spin on that. I've never thought of tears as being a currency or having a cost, and I think it's a very cool idea!

My first impression, after one read, is that there's an interesting contrast between very formal language (acceptable, watercourse, infinitude) and then much more personal phrases like "Great- great" and "definitely". I think this has the potential to create a neat development in tone as the poem progresses, but right now it feels a bit inconsistent because the tone just kind of jumps back and forth, rather than starting as one and gradually changing into the other. If you were interested in playing around with that, I think it would be very cool if the poem started out as stiff sounding with very formal language, and then by the end of the poem had broken down into personal and relaxed language. It does that a bit towards the end, with fairly conversational language in the last three lines:

In today's world,

These tears are costless

Crying is worthless

and if that progression was accentuated even more, I think it would create a more complex emotional journey for the reader!

In terms of one very small nitpick -> the opening sentence, up to "But is there any such place?" is very long and a bit hard to follow, and I think breaking it down into two or three sentences would make it feel a lot smoother!

I do love how consistent your imagery is throughout - and water imagery at that! My fave type of imagery :3 Using descriptions that contain words like tears, watercourse, water, and crying, keeps the entire poem connected as a single unit. Honestly "Crying is worthless" is such a heartbreaking </3 way to end the poem and definitely very poignant, too! And I noticed a sneaky bit of rhyming here:
It should be dealt

Whose importance should be felt

which is a lovely touch c:

Overall, I had a lot of fun reviewing one of your older poems, and I can definitely see that you've grown a lot as a poet while also keeping a recognizable poetic voice! I hope this review proves useful for you; if you have any questions or thoughts abut stuff I mentioned, don't hesitate to bring them up.

Keep writing!
-Seirre




ForeverYoung299 says...


Hey Serrie! Thanks a lot for the review. I didn't receive notifications for some reason, came to see here after you left the review on the other poem. That's the reason behind this delay in reply. Anyway, I like how you interpreted it. The funniest bit is I didn't even know about any of the literary devices when I wrote this. :D



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Sat Mar 27, 2021 3:05 am
pineapple321 says...



Hi,

I am not sure how in the world you thought of this, but it was great. I enjoyed reading your analogy of comparing crying to a watercourse. The perspective on your writing is equally interesting as well.

Overall, keep up the good work.

Signed,

Pineapple.




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for the review!



ForeverYoung299 says...


Sorry! I just noticed it was a comment. Whatever, thanks



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Wed Mar 24, 2021 12:03 pm
akanbright wrote a review...



It's a good one to begin with and I sure bet that your improvement has been incomprehensible and I'm sure you 'll not forget to tag me on your next post. Your poem is lyrical as the 1st to 4th line startled me to laughter. If tears were to be collected it could create a watercourse, and with that i think no one would have to cry for want of water, but the fact remains that crying is useless and people can only cry when necessary.
The poem is metaphysical and tend to display what isn't there and cannot be. You know? I like writers with creative fiction. Not just any kind of fiction, but crazy one's.
You stated it plainly right when you said water is life, but even if its possible that our tears could make up for a watercourse, is it possible that one could drink from it or could you?
I may not really get the extent of the poem as the image formation the poem tend to create isn't clarified.
Maybe you should try to be estactic in your mood to develop your tone, as you know for sure that the mood of a writer determines that tone and atmospheric structure and composition of the poem. A good poem is one that can bring the reader out the blue and make him or her think within the blueprint of the idea conversed as a predominant phenomeno of the true intent of the poem.
I bet you will keep up dear.




ForeverYoung299 says...


I will surely try to make a better one. Thanks for the review. And yes, if you want to read my works, you can check out Cortez Shivick. You can find it on my portfolio



ForeverYoung299 says...


What do u mean by incomprehensible? I haven't improved by 0.001%? %uD83D%uDE22 And yes, I will surely tag you. Um... If I upload a story or chapter before a poem, should I tag you?



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Mon Mar 22, 2021 7:59 pm
BEASTtheHUN wrote a review...



Hm, interesting. I like this. I do not personally speaking think crying is worthless. It is a proven fact that crying is good for mental health. It is ten times better than holding everything inside and then erupting, (I speak from experience). Not trying to be a controversial downer hear though, so pay no heed to it if you wish. I like how straightforward this poem is. The imagery is good though. I like this poem a lot. Thanks for the good read. Peace out!




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks!!!



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 3:59 pm
TheOffBroadwayAuthor wrote a review...



Your poem is well-written, and it does make me think. Crying costs us nothing, and the relief it brings is so temporary compared to the embarrassment of crying in front of other people. Still, under the right circumstances, crying can help us feel better. Sometimes, you just need to get it out of your system, you know what I mean? This was less of a review and more of a "this is what your poem made me think about", but sometimes that's just what happens. Thank you for your poem, I enjoyed it a lot!




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks.



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Wed Feb 10, 2021 3:39 am
DreamyAlice says...



Looks like you already got enough reviews.
By the way well done with the poem.




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Tue Feb 09, 2021 1:14 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



This is such beautiful poetry, with such an important message as well. I love the last two lines 'these tears are costless, crying is worthless' because they perfectly illustrate how despite the world being oblivious to your tears, you can't put a price on the emotions that they represent- yet the whole world dismisses them. I also love the theme that such tears and emotions can create a watercourse which in turn helps people. This is a really nice symbolic message to say how feelings and passion could save somebody, or lead somebody to do something incredible. How if all feelings were recognised, we could put them to good use.
I would say that with the line 'that can definitely cost an infinitude, as water is life' could be altered to rhyme more. Though the message in these lines are very important and influential, perhaps you could use other words to convey more imagery.

Lovely poem :)




ForeverYoung299 says...


thanks for your worthy review



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Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:05 am
sunlightwarriorxo wrote a review...



Hi!
I've just read this poem, it's good but personally for me I would refine it a bit more. The emotions, themes and ideas are there, but I just think that it could do with a bit more development - include all aspects that depression can stem into, so like isolation, lack of interest in hobbies, feelings of low self esteem, but I think that this poem definitely does have potential though. In the last line to hit the core emotion hard I would add:
Crying is worthless,
They are hurting,
Pain is a curse,
We are hidden from the world.
Other than that, keep writing!




ForeverYoung299 says...


thanks for your worthy review. i liked the suggestions




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