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12+

Love

by ForeverYoung299


They didn't know what they are

till they were separated

From each other 

For a pandemic.

They screamed and cried,

They wanted to go back

But they couldn't

Because there was no transport

Most of the day

was spent in messaging

and when

their parents took their phone,

they were alone- lonely.

days passed by counting

one day seemed one year...

finally, when they met again

after a span of one whole year

they couldn't think 

that they are not dreaming


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122 Reviews


Points: 10019
Reviews: 122

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Wed Mar 10, 2021 10:34 am
ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hola! Here for a review. As requested, I am here to nitpick on your poem and express my opinion. First of all, I want to say that I enjoyed the feeling the poem gave me. I think it's very touching and relatable. The poetry made me feel a little crestfallen, but it made me feel better in a way I - we all- could relate to.

their parents took their phone,


This part just took my breath away. I don't know if this written by your own experience, but I sure agree that parents take away phones. I never experience this, however, my sister did. Because of COVID-19, it's hard to connect to friends and family members without meeting each other, and the internet giving us a glimpse of the freedom we lost for so long. Again I don't know if it really happened to you, and I might be off course a little. But I just thought that this part very true.

I don't have much to say about it since it is very well-written. I just want to point out that in some stanzas you capitalize the first letters and some you don't. As most poets do, you have your way of writing and there is no written rule that it needs to be like sentences. However, I do want to suggest you look into it. Also, see if there is a period in the last stanza.

Overall, all the things that were written above are just suggestions. Plz feel to ignore them and plz don't take this all so seriously. You are a wonderful author and although everyone might not know, I know you are.

Feel free to PM me & ask me questions about the reviews if you have one :)

Have a beautiful day!

“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.”
— Louis L’Amour


https://www.google.com/search?q=keep+on ... c9L3cAniaM




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69 Reviews


Points: 11
Reviews: 69

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Tue Mar 02, 2021 4:39 pm
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MomoMajesty wrote a review...



Hey Forever!! I'm here with a review, as requested. :)

This was a really touching and well-written poem! I enjoyed reading it. It touches me especially during this time where everyone can relate to it and what you're talking about here. I have a few things I would like to point out, so here you go!!

They didn't know what they are

The proper word here would be "were" instead of "are".

their parents took their phone,

That should be "phones" here instead of "phone" (singular).

That's it! Great job; keep writing!!
Momo






Thank you so much





If you like it, please hit the like button. Actually, I want to see how many likes I deserve



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92 Reviews


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Reviews: 92

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Sat Feb 27, 2021 5:33 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...



I like this poem because it gives love an angle if it were modern times and in modern ways. Their phones were taken and there was no transportation. And the way that most of the day they messaged each other replicates what it is like to be in a pandemic and to be split from the ones that you love.

Could you add more lines to convey a deeper message? Why were they lonely without their phones? This would perhaps indicate a further unhappiness in their lives and they way that they live. Maybe there's something more going on in their lives. Communication between them seemed to be the only way that they could escape. Could you extend on this? Additionally, their parents took their phones away- is this symbolism for maybe what it is like for a superior person to take your freedom and your life away from you. Maybe the parents mirror the virus itself, the virus took away what you loved and what you wanted from you. Not that the parents were the virus, but the virus was a higher figure that made you scared and angry.

'they were alone- lonely.'
I think that using the word lonely after saying alone could be left out. Perhaps you could add a metaphor after the dash rather than lonely: 'they were alone- cut away from each other like..'
I think that this would be effective in making the reader feel empathetic for their situation.


I enjoyed reading this poem:)






Thank you so much



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163 Reviews


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Reviews: 163

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Sat Feb 27, 2021 4:33 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi ForeverYoung299,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I don't usually write reviews of poetry and the like, instead I read them silently. It's always hard to figure out what the author is trying to say, and like parables, there are endless possibilities of interpretation.

So let's start. :D

I think your first three lines are already well chosen. It's a beautiful sentence that can make you think. (That's exactly the problem with poems: you can read so much into them! :D)

Further on in the poem, you can already read out a bit more about the lovers. It seems to be about a love between children / teenagers. It's very mean that the parents take their phones away from them, even though that's the only way to contact the other. Is this perhaps alluding to something like the different classes in a society and they are not allowed to love each other because they are from two different worlds?

days passed by counting

one day seemed one year...


This sentence is also very strong. The pain of not being able to see the other is well expressed.

It is a beautiful poem, with a story that has always existed and will always exist. Love is strong and powerful and as unique as each individual person.

Mailice.






Thank you so much for the review. If you like it, please hit the like button. Actually, I want to see how many likes I deserve




The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.
— Fabienne Fredrickson