Young Writers Society

Hola! Here for a review. As requested, I am here to nitpick on your poem and express my opinion. First of all, I want to say that I enjoyed the feeling the poem gave me. I think it's very touching and relatable. The poetry made me feel a little crestfallen, but it made me feel better in a way I - we all- could relate to.

their parents took their phone,

Hey Forever!! I'm here with a review, as requested. :)

This was a really touching and well-written poem! I enjoyed reading it. It touches me especially during this time where everyone can relate to it and what you're talking about here. I have a few things I would like to point out, so here you go!!

They didn't know what they are

their parents took their phone,

I like this poem because it gives love an angle if it were modern times and in modern ways. Their phones were taken and there was no transportation. And the way that most of the day they messaged each other replicates what it is like to be in a pandemic and to be split from the ones that you love.

Could you add more lines to convey a deeper message? Why were they lonely without their phones? This would perhaps indicate a further unhappiness in their lives and they way that they live. Maybe there's something more going on in their lives. Communication between them seemed to be the only way that they could escape. Could you extend on this? Additionally, their parents took their phones away- is this symbolism for maybe what it is like for a superior person to take your freedom and your life away from you. Maybe the parents mirror the virus itself, the virus took away what you loved and what you wanted from you. Not that the parents were the virus, but the virus was a higher figure that made you scared and angry.

'they were alone- lonely.'
I think that using the word lonely after saying alone could be left out. Perhaps you could add a metaphor after the dash rather than lonely: 'they were alone- cut away from each other like..'
I think that this would be effective in making the reader feel empathetic for their situation.


I enjoyed reading this poem:)

Hi ForeverYoung299,

Mailice here with a short review!

I don't usually write reviews of poetry and the like, instead I read them silently. It's always hard to figure out what the author is trying to say, and like parables, there are endless possibilities of interpretation.

So let's start.

I think your first three lines are already well chosen. It's a beautiful sentence that can make you think. (That's exactly the problem with poems: you can read so much into them! )

Further on in the poem, you can already read out a bit more about the lovers. It seems to be about a love between children / teenagers. It's very mean that the parents take their phones away from them, even though that's the only way to contact the other. Is this perhaps alluding to something like the different classes in a society and they are not allowed to love each other because they are from two different worlds?

days passed by counting

one day seemed one year...