Young Writers Society

I agree with this poem and can understand your suffering. Here are some things that may help with emphasis and structure:

For the line ""Why?',you ask-They live near the beach" maybe try "They're posted near the beach" just because the Peace Hut, being a place, can't live near the beach.

Also, is the stomachache you're referring to in the 24th line still happening? If you're talking about a past stomachache maybe "could have" or "would have" would help clarify.

For the last line maybe add an exclamation mark to add more emphasis and emotion to the finisher.

That's about it. Great job on the poem!

Wow! This was such an interesting poem. I love the way you highlight the contrast between what hotels claim to be and what they actually are. I also really admire you for keeping up such a consistent rhyme scheme without making it seem childish or silly- that’s really hard. I also liked the imagery that’s sprinkled throughout the poem, such as “two chairs arranged on either side” or “decorated plate’”. However, I felt like some aspects of the poem were vague (though this may be just because I don’t know that much about fancy hotels). Why were only couples allowed? And what is the “Peace Hut”? I also didn’t know what you meant by foods that are completely bizarre. Other than those confusions, the poem was really good. I loved the speaker voice you used, and found it connected well with me as a reader. I was very sympathetic to the plight of the speaker and enjoyed their amusing descriptions.

Hi Forever!
I was quite intrigued by the title of your poem so I hopped on over to give it a read. My first impressions are that it’s a light-hearted satire about food service and false advertising. The speaker seems to have tried to get dinner with their family, only to find that restaurant after restaurant was unsatisfactory. I think the most ridiculous restaurant was the ‘Family Restaurant’ that only served couples!

Descriptions

I like that the descriptions are simple and every-day, as they suit the poem’s subject being something that happens in people’s daily lives. The “decorated plate” and the suggestion that the “Royal Hotel” is really big gave me the impression that the place was all talk, very ‘pretentious’ if you will.

I also enjoyed the line “One table with two chairs arranged on either side”. Not only does it have a nice rhythm, but the word choice really emphasizes that there are only two chairs by mentioning numbers (“one . . .two”) and using a word that implies ‘two’ again with “either”. The “bright moonlight” description also adds to the humor and ridiculousness, because it’s such a romantic cliché, that it makes the restaurant’s claim that it is for all families more ironic.

Another thing I enjoy about the descriptive language here is where the speaker exaggerates to make it funnier. “little did I know about my fate” sounds very dramatic, as though the food were perhaps poisoned or something. “furious and burning” also conveys the speaker’s irritation very well. “this stomach assault” was also a humorous image to describe the restaurant’s food, and I like the rhyme with “salt” there as well.

Punctuation

Something that could be improved on would be the punctuation of the poem. I found myself wishing that the punctuation was a little more consistent. For example, from stanzas 1-6, both dialogue (“The food will be royal”) and names (“Family Restaurant”) are in double inverted commas (“”). Then suddenly in stanza 7, ‘Why’ is written in single inverted commas (‘’). I can’t really see an effect it was supposed to give (sorry if I read that wrong!) so I’m guessing it’s not an intentional choice.

No arrangement for a three member family
I got out of there, very unhappily.

Please! This is just too true! They promise all these nice things and end up bringing the opposite.I like hotels because they bring off the feeling of being on vacation.I will admit they can bring difficulties.I think that this was a funny and cute poem.Hotels can really stink at times! They just want your money! Greedy and bad quality hotels.I hope that you have a lovely day and night free of such places.