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decision: the key to life

by ForeverYoung299


the term decision is subjective

i must confess that it's quite effective

but to one, it can either by positive or negative.

for a person who is sensitive

it might be defective. 

for one who is contemplative, 

it might be productive. 

it might lead someone to survive 

also it might lead to grave. 

think twice before being decisive


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Sun Sep 19, 2021 6:59 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was a very concrete poem that you wrote in a good tone; on the one hand in a neutral note but also with this short subconscious tone that there is a possibility to make the best of it if you see it in an optimistic, positive light. I like this concept that you have presented here and how you have written it in a simple tone.

the term decision is subjective
i must confess that it's quite effective

I think you already manage to be very effective with your beginning by making it clear to the reader what the word sounds like and that - like any word - it reflects with the person's view, but you present it - with your own opinion - as something that can bring about change.

but to one, it can either by positive or negative.
for a person who is sensitive
it might be defective. 

I like how you've made it into a new mood with this verse, radiating the goodness that a decision can be. At the same time, the tone always stays in that more borderline space where you put special focus on the subjective in the word.

for one who is contemplative, 
it might be productive. 
it might lead someone to survive 
also it might lead to grave. 

I like how you describe decisiveness as something that can bring happiness but also misery. It works indirectly as a message, it is simple and effective and leaves the reader in a kind of shock moment where they have to think about how decisive they are. I like this section because it expresses something without getting personal and also manages to reflect something that many have experienced before us.

think twice before being decisive

Your conclusion turned out really well and I like how you only briefly allude to the fact that everyone is responsible for making a decision for themselves and that one should think twice. What comes across well here is that the reader had the decision to take the poem personally or not; whether he wants to read it at all or not. So it's a very good ending where you subconsciously bring a new decision that makes the reader think for a while.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thank you for the review!!



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Mon Feb 08, 2021 9:22 pm
aooborromeo wrote a review...



Hello 1234! I'm Via and I'm here for a review.

So first of all, I love the abstract, sort of philosophical topic and theme you picked. The way you chose to format your lines and thoughts really works with the uncertainty theme of this poem. The idea of going into how decisions truly impact us as people, really shines here. Nice job with punctuation too.

My favorite line in particular is

it might lead someone to survive,
also might lead to grave.


My only critiques are:

1. I think there's a typo in the line

but to one, it can be by positive or negative.


and the line

for a people who are sensitive.


I think you meant to say, person.

The word "by" doesn't make sense here.

While flow is simplistic and works well, the only line I find a bit muddled and wordy is

I must confess it's quite effective.


It just doesn't flow as well as the others. Last the rhyme scheme was consistent until the last three lines. Sometimes an inconsistent rhyme scheme works but here, I think it would be better to either just abandon it all together or figure out a way to make the last three lines rhyme. It might just be a preference, but you do whatever you think is best.

Overall, great poem! I love philosophical abstract work. Nice job! Keep on writing!




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for your amazing review



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Sun Feb 07, 2021 8:39 pm
frogforest wrote a review...



I think that this piece is definitely abstract, but it's also decidedly concrete. It reminded me of the butterfly effect, how everything has a direct effect on everything else. How whatever we do will probably make a change in the direction of our lives. It's scary even. And I think you really captured that feeling with the final lines, "it might lead someone to survive / also it might lead to grave. / think twice before being decisive". It shows how there really is no promise for success or failure, it's just so spontaneous and random.
I also really liked the opening, "The term decision is subjective", it really is the perfect intro, especially because the rest of the poem is about uncertainty within the outcome of each decision.
The very last line makes me think that it is almost a warning. Maybe you're saying to stop focusing on everything we do, and just live in the moment, and let life take its course.
There's really so much open to interpretation and I love that! Overall, this was really nicely written. I had to read it a couple times to really understand it, and let it sink in, but that isn't a bad thing.




ForeverYoung299 says...


This is so much for me! Thanks for your reply



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Sun Feb 07, 2021 5:40 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey 1234!

My name is Elinor, and I notice that you're new to YWS! Welcome! :) I thought I would drop by to give you a quick review on your poem.

I like the concept of this poem, trying to give advice on life while still be an entertaining and enjoyable read. The main thing I was confused about here was the rhyme scheme that you were going for. You end each line in an "-ive" word, but if you read this out loud, everything in until the last three lines has a short i, then survive has a long i, and grave doesn't have one at all. Rhyme schemes are really difficult, I get it, that's why I usually write free verse. Usually, if I'm writing a rhyming poem, I pick a specific form and do my best to stick to it.

The other thing I was trying to follow was the message you convey with those poem. For me, I understood it as: there is no one key to life because it's going to be different for everyone, so think carefully about your decisions, but I'm not sure if that's it. Maybe you could bring a more specific example or a situation? The poem can still talk in broad strokes, but even something like,
"someone may go the road last travelled but for another the well trodden path would be best" -- but better than that, obviously!

Anyway, thanks for the read, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions!

Cheers,
Elinor




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for the review



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Sun Feb 07, 2021 5:27 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



I love the last line 'think twice before being decisive' because I think its a pretty cool contrast between decisiveness and indecisiveness. It shows that even though sometimes you think something is right to do, it can actually be wrong and sometimes decisiveness is mistaken for being correct.
I like the whole topic of decisiveness. And even the first line 'the term decision is subjective' is very insightful and poetic.
Perhaps, instead of 'it might lead someone to survival' it could be 'it might lead to survival'. I think that that would be more relatable in the readers eyes and represent survival as a general thing, I think that people would be more reflective as survival would be an object that interacts with the readers self-value and something that the audience would consider within their own experiences. The decisions that they had to make in life.

Awesome poetry




ForeverYoung299 says...


Thanks for your great reply



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Sun Feb 07, 2021 4:01 pm
sunlightwarriorxo wrote a review...



Hi!
What an interesting poem - you certainly explore the importance of decision well, however, if you wanted to explore the concept in its full dimensions, I would advise making it longer - you could possibly add:

the term decision is subjective

do you choose or do you defend it?

i must confess that it's quite effective

but to one, it can either by positive or negative.

for a people who is sensitive,
sometimes we just want to forget it,

it might be defective.

for one who is contemplative,

it might be productive.

it might lead someone to survive,

look behind the lights,

you just may find someone who's loosing fight,

but it could also lead to a grave,

think twice about decisions,

because one day you just might be affected by one.

but these are all just suggested edits ofc - its your work, you do whatever you think feels right! keep writing :)




ForeverYoung299 says...


thanks for your review.




You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling