Young Writers Society

hiya :] just wanted to say i really like the rhyming in your poem and the flow of how you developed your idea of laughter. your opening and closing lines started and tied up the poem nicely! i feel that some lines like "the unreal laughter has now become reality/just to show the minimal formality" could've been explored a little further. i think the stubborn tone of the poem is really charming, it's overall a satisfying piece :3

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!

I really enjoyed reading your poem!! And I read your description—writers block is horrible, and I'm glad you were able to beat it to produce this gem of a poem. At first read, it reminded me a little of how sometimes when you're so surprised and overwhelmed the first reaction to come out is laughter, even if it's not appropriate for the situation. I also once did a research project on laughter, and there was one study I found that described a lot of what you said in your poem, about how laughter is more of a punctuation in conversation now, rather than being a response to something the producer genuinely finds funny. I think the message you show with the poem is quite important, and you do it in a very straightforward way. Nice work!!

I thought your rhyme scheme was very nicely done!! It definitely gave the poem a more lighthearted feel, but I enjoyed how even despite the more whimsical feel to it, you still conveyed a really important message. It was a unique way to take a look on the danger in society of being untrue to your real emotions, and learning only to express what is expected of you rather than what you are truly feeling. I think in some cases it's useful, but I think this poem accurately showed the point at which it becomes not okay, when someone laughs even when they're not feeling up to it.

I wondered why you focused on the lips in the first stanza. I don't usually associate those with laughter per se, especially since laughter is usually described as coming from the throat or the stomach. I think it could serve as maybe a representation of how this "false laughter" you talk about is more shallow than a genuine laugh. The word "lips" just felt a little at odds with the rest of the poem's subject, to me.

Specifics

Even if happiness is nothing but an undiscovered treasure.

I believe this poem is about when laughter can be appropriate and how one simple action can mean so much,how one is judged for what comes out of them.How even laughter isn’t freedom.This was fun to read and this was a cool poem.I hope that you will have a lovely and amazing day and night.

Hi

Hey there, Forever, Rebel here with a short review! :p

This is a short but interesting piece of poetry even at a first cursory glance. It makes us think about the societal norms and customs one has to follow, even though one doesn't like it, and mocks the useless customs. The last line of the poem is a jewel of a statement: "Even if happiness is nothing but an undiscovered." And yes, just a small critique - you could write "wonders" instead of "wonder" in the first line, it would have sounded the same or maybe a bit better. :p