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The nature's feelings and tragedy

by ForeverYoung299



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59 Reviews


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Fri Jun 11, 2021 8:12 am
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi ForeverYoung299! Anne here to drop a review.

Your poetry was a pleasure to read because of a lot of factors. Let's get on with it.

MEANING
The meaning was really deep. I understand by your poem that the rain has caused a fallen tree.

The tragedy is to be found
lying on the ground
which lightning has crowned

These lines were very indicating. I loved the description of the tree struggling in the rain.
Also the beautiful descriptions of the leaves and flowers. The poem was well structured. First stanza talked about leaves, the next one about flowers and the last one about the tree. It gave a very wholesome view.
However, I don't think the title was most suitable. To say, nature's feelings was a little ambiguous. Since both rain and tree are part of nature. I think it would have been better to say tree's feelings.

LANGUAGE
The language was incredible!! Really!! All the poetic devices you have used made the poem so appealing!!
The rhymes were amazing, all except one. The pair of bush-rush was not that good because even though they are written similarly they are pronounced quite differently. One rhyme I can suggest is
Of the crystal diamonds which rush
Leaving behind a mush

But of course, I really have to appreciate you on every other part. The mention of raindrops as crystal diamonds was sooooo.... amazing!!
With clouds clashing causing clatter sound

wow!!! This alliteration was so perfect!!! Absolutely loved it!!

Overall, your poem was very engaging and beautiful. Remarkable job!!
Keep writing because you are so good at it!! :)




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Wed Jun 09, 2021 5:09 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi ForeverYoung299,



Mailice here with a short review! :D



During my search for poetry to review, I came across your little piece and I am still a bit confused about your abstract choices. So much in fact, that I'm still thinking about it and hoping to clear some things up, with my interpretation.



To me it looks like you are trying to personify nature and tell a little story. With the first paragraph it seems like you are describing a strong wind, a storm or a thunderstorm hitting the trees, showing how a tree might feel when it is raining outside and the human can safely find shelter under a roof.

The first section turned out well. I just found that the middle verses (Trying to guard / itself from the hard) are a little too short and are wi a break in this section. I would try to stretch them out a bit.



The second section made me wonder the most, because I was trying to make sense of the cryptic text there. I think the first three lines describe the many possibilities the storm brings; the small flowers get the water and blossom, the medium ones grow while the big flowers die in the rain. The last part seems like you are describing a hailstorm that can destroy everything.



What caught my eye right away in the third paragraph was your repetition of the initial letters in the second line ("with Clouds Clashing Causing Clatter sound"). That turned out very well. I think this section is more or less a summary of the thunderstorm, and what the result is after it's over, and you see as a human what nature had to suffer there.

In summary, I guess it represents the cruelty of a storm, partly exacerbated by human influence through global warming?



First of all, I have to make it clear that I am not an expert on poetry, and I think it is precisely because of the variety that one can write that there are wonderful possibilities for interpretation and representation. Your poem tried to tell a story where I tried to insert horror after you put the poem in that category.

Sometimes your rhymes seem a little forced and don't help contribute to the theme you are trying to portray here. I would try to include less rhyme, but more action. Expanding on that would be a great point to solve this riddle of your poem. :D



Have fun writing!



Mailice.




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Tue Jun 08, 2021 4:54 pm
InuYosha wrote a review...



Heyo, InuYosha here for a review!

First, I like the font ahaha. However, I wonder why you chose Comic Sans as your font. Since you've clearly stated that this is a tragedy, I would assume you'd use a much more flowery font. Comic Sans is a less serious font and it threw me off a little bit. Nevertheless, I liked your poem!

So I'm just going to review based on what I feel about the plot, and nothing technical, if that's okay with you!

First, I like the theme. I've always been a sucker for all things nature, and this was pretty nice to read.

Your first stanza is nice. Although I would have tried to use a more variety of words, the first stanza is a great introduction! You use personification really well, like when you take about the leaves' pity or strain.

I would like to ask, however, why do the branches seem to fly? And it also seems that the branches are guarding something? If so, why do they seem to be flying?

The second stanza seems to be calmer than the first, talking about flowers. But also what does "the middle flowers zoom" and "the large flowers gloom" mean? I understand you're trying to rhyme, but this makes it seem like you're just rhyming for the sake of it, and it has no inherent meaning.

The last stanza is the most confusing to me. Why did you mention textured paper? Also, did the "lightning has crowned" part mean that the lightning struck something or someone?

Anyways, this was a good poem, but it might've been a bit too abstract for me haha. An important thing when writing poetry, however, is not trying to make the rhymes make sense, but thinking of something that makes sense, and making it rhyme. A problem that I encounter all the time is I find a rhyme, I use it, but it makes no sense. Then, as a solution, I tell myself it does make sense, and then that turns the poem into a confusing one.

Also, I liked your alliteration in the last stanza ^_^

-inuyosha




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Mon Jun 07, 2021 3:32 am
MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hey ForeverYoung299!
Here's a review for you today!

Trying to guard
Itself from the hard
Strokes of the rain
Which seems to give them strain.


I love your imagery throughout this poem and I can clearly see the struggle of a bush during a thunderstorm. The first stanza shows the bush struggling to hold onto it's leaves amidst the downpour. In this particular quote I really liked your use of "guard" and "strain".

As they fall due to the mass
Of the crystal diamond which rush
Towards the bush.


In the second stanza, I like the visual affect of the different sized flowers that are knocked off of the plant by (I assume based on the last stanza) a bolt of lightning. Although, "crystal diamond" makes me think of a shooting star or something of the like; I do like the use of "crystal diamond", but I feel like (if it is lightning) that maybe it should be described in a different way?

The tragedy is to be found
lying on the ground
Which lightning has crowned.


Nice ending! This makes me imagine a burnt bush devastated on the ground (poor bush lol). It shows the aftermath of the second stanza and gives nice closure to the events of the storm.

Anyways, I really enjoyed your poem! The only thing that I'd nit-pick is the consistency of the rhyming. In the first stanza, it's a pattern of 2, 2, 2 for rhyming. But, then in the second stanza it's 3, 1, 2 and in the fourth 1, 4. I think that if the rhyming pattern was more consistent throughout then the rhythm and flow would work better.
Take what you will from this and keep on writing!






Thank you so much for the review. I will consider working on the rhymimg pattern.





*rhyming




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