Young Writers Society

Hi ForeverYoung299! Anne here to drop a review.

Your poetry was a pleasure to read because of a lot of factors. Let's get on with it.

MEANING
The meaning was really deep. I understand by your poem that the rain has caused a fallen tree.

The tragedy is to be found
lying on the ground
which lightning has crowned

Of the crystal diamonds which rush
Leaving behind a mush

With clouds clashing causing clatter sound

Hi ForeverYoung299,



Mailice here with a short review!



During my search for poetry to review, I came across your little piece and I am still a bit confused about your abstract choices. So much in fact, that I'm still thinking about it and hoping to clear some things up, with my interpretation.



To me it looks like you are trying to personify nature and tell a little story. With the first paragraph it seems like you are describing a strong wind, a storm or a thunderstorm hitting the trees, showing how a tree might feel when it is raining outside and the human can safely find shelter under a roof.

The first section turned out well. I just found that the middle verses (Trying to guard / itself from the hard) are a little too short and are wi a break in this section. I would try to stretch them out a bit.



The second section made me wonder the most, because I was trying to make sense of the cryptic text there. I think the first three lines describe the many possibilities the storm brings; the small flowers get the water and blossom, the medium ones grow while the big flowers die in the rain. The last part seems like you are describing a hailstorm that can destroy everything.



What caught my eye right away in the third paragraph was your repetition of the initial letters in the second line ("with Clouds Clashing Causing Clatter sound"). That turned out very well. I think this section is more or less a summary of the thunderstorm, and what the result is after it's over, and you see as a human what nature had to suffer there.

In summary, I guess it represents the cruelty of a storm, partly exacerbated by human influence through global warming?



First of all, I have to make it clear that I am not an expert on poetry, and I think it is precisely because of the variety that one can write that there are wonderful possibilities for interpretation and representation. Your poem tried to tell a story where I tried to insert horror after you put the poem in that category.

Sometimes your rhymes seem a little forced and don't help contribute to the theme you are trying to portray here. I would try to include less rhyme, but more action. Expanding on that would be a great point to solve this riddle of your poem.



Have fun writing!



Mailice.

Heyo, InuYosha here for a review!

First, I like the font ahaha. However, I wonder why you chose Comic Sans as your font. Since you've clearly stated that this is a tragedy, I would assume you'd use a much more flowery font. Comic Sans is a less serious font and it threw me off a little bit. Nevertheless, I liked your poem!

So I'm just going to review based on what I feel about the plot, and nothing technical, if that's okay with you!

First, I like the theme. I've always been a sucker for all things nature, and this was pretty nice to read.

Your first stanza is nice. Although I would have tried to use a more variety of words, the first stanza is a great introduction! You use personification really well, like when you take about the leaves' pity or strain.

I would like to ask, however, why do the branches seem to fly? And it also seems that the branches are guarding something? If so, why do they seem to be flying?

The second stanza seems to be calmer than the first, talking about flowers. But also what does "the middle flowers zoom" and "the large flowers gloom" mean? I understand you're trying to rhyme, but this makes it seem like you're just rhyming for the sake of it, and it has no inherent meaning.

The last stanza is the most confusing to me. Why did you mention textured paper? Also, did the "lightning has crowned" part mean that the lightning struck something or someone?

Anyways, this was a good poem, but it might've been a bit too abstract for me haha. An important thing when writing poetry, however, is not trying to make the rhymes make sense, but thinking of something that makes sense, and making it rhyme. A problem that I encounter all the time is I find a rhyme, I use it, but it makes no sense. Then, as a solution, I tell myself it does make sense, and then that turns the poem into a confusing one.

Also, I liked your alliteration in the last stanza ^_^

-inuyosha

Hey ForeverYoung299!
Here's a review for you today!

Trying to guard
Itself from the hard
Strokes of the rain
Which seems to give them strain.

As they fall due to the mass
Of the crystal diamond which rush
Towards the bush.

The tragedy is to be found
lying on the ground
Which lightning has crowned.