Can you hear the music comin' from the back now?
Can you hear my words comin' from my heart?
How
Do you expect me to write from my sleeve when I can't tell you about me
Can't tell you the slightest thing
Except I put my walls up to keep everyone away
to keep people from gettin' too close
everyday
Puttin' another brick to the layer
buildin' it so it towers above you
my shadow casts over you
and don't you forget it
The walls I build are a monument
you notice but you don't care
no one's been in here since I let you in
guess I'm just emotionally scared
I won't make that mistake again
I'll keep myself caged in
My doors locked
No one's coming in
gun cocked
this is the end
How'd this happen?
You came so close
The moment you entered in
But the doors closed
After you left
Locked after you
I remember what we went through
Should've seen it coming
I can hear the rain and feel the pain
It started stormin
I have your pictures taped to the walls of my voluntary prison cell
I keep reliving my life- putting myself in a living hell
I put myself in here but I'm held captive
I can't seem to escape- I'm trapped in
Even if I could I wouldn't leave
It's too cold on the outside
in here's there's just a gentle breeze
Tried to step out once and left myself frozen
I realized that I lost you without really knowin'
I have a visitor but he ain't showin' himself in the light
He only comes when my heart is black and like night
He goes by the name of self loathing
I don't have to worry- he's not the problem
He's helpin' me build these walls to keep you out
And so I have something to write about
How'd this happen?
You came so close
The moment you entered in
But the doors closed
After you left
Locked after you
I remember what we went through
Should've seen it coming
I can hear the rain and feel the pain
It started stormin
You finally came back and started knockin'
I heard you scream my name and the frame started crackin'
But the walls stay strong and you can't get in
then I woke up and realized
It was a dream I was in
How could you do this to me?
Leave me in here alone
I can't even see you
I can't even pick up the phone
I can't even try
Everytime I do I realize the mistake it is
Do you not realize the Hell you've left me in?
Leavin' me even rejecting my own reflection
Tearin' myself apart for losing your affection
If you were here I'd show you my appreciation
For what we had
For what we can't get back
How'd this happen?
You came so close
The moment you entered in
But the doors closed
After you left
Locked after you
I remember what we went through
Should've seen it coming
I can hear the rain and feel the pain
It started stormin
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey Matt.
I believe I already spoke with you about this awhile ago, but reading over it again I found a few things I wanted to mention other than the whole conversation about it that we already had.
I like the image here. But I'm having trouble fitting "After you left - Locked after you," in here. It seems like one of these is an unnecessary extra line that you could do without for the sake of keeping the rhythm in tact.
I love these lines. It's a relatable metaphor, and you have such an awesome way of putting it.
I honestly really liked this one. There were obvious similarities with Mansion, but plenty of differences for it to still be original. I also really loved the vocabulary and imagery you used, so awesome job with this one.
-Amelie
Good, I like that there's a chorus in this one! Also it helps to see the lines broken up into stanzas - I get a better feeling for how this would work as a song. I particularly like this line break.
There was another line in which I thought the wording didn't match the rest of the song.
The "do you not realize" was oddly formal, I thought.
The other thing is that I was left a little confused by the beginning of the song.
At first, I thought this was a song to a new lover, explaining why the narrator is unable to get emotionally close to her - walls put up from a previous heartache. But then there's the line about "my shadow casts over you/and don't you forget it" which kind of sounds bizarrely arrogant or something. And then later on it turns out to be a song to an EX lover, blaming her for the hurt and heartache and describing this emotional prison the narrator is now in. So you may want to rethink the opening stanza so we know who the song is sung to right away.
The beginning verses were because the person in mention had said I didn't care, and that I wasn't emotionally attached. Hence the,"now," parts.
And the shadow isn't arrogance. it's a reminder of pain, of guilt, of past wrongs.
Love this Cas <3 Hope things are going better
Ever