“Look,” I insist, feeling
quite clever,
“I’ve been clean since,
well, forever.”
They purse their lips and
squint their eyes.
As if searching for a
disguise.
“Look, no scars!” I insist once
more,
A bit more passionately than
before.
I shove my wrists up towards
their face,
Lacking my usual, customary
grace.
No silvery scars mark my
wrists,
My hands are balled up in
anxious fists.
They feel quite clever as
they turn to go,
But they will someday
learn they reap what they sow.
They think they’re so smart,
they think they’re so wise,
But they never thought to
check the thighs.
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
Hi, ZeldaIsShiek here to review your poetry and put a stop to the wicked Werewolves' plans! May the Witches reign supreme! I am also here to critique your work to make you and your writing better as a result. I am really excited to review this poem because I have reviewed a lot of poems on self-harm recently and I am happy to be reviewing another one. It is a very important and very serious issue, and though the ending is humorous and the innocent rhyme scheme makes it feel childish, the truth is that self-harm is a serious issue that many suffer with and should not be taken lightly. Ready? Let's begin.
I really like this poem because of the innocent and clever rhyme scheme that make it seem like nothing is wrong and that everything is fine within the work itself and outside of it. The truth is that self-harm is a very serious issue, however silly the ending may be. I think that the best part of the poem is the ending, because taking serious and dangerous topics and turning them into dark humor is one of the silliest, yet darkest thing one can do in a poem. For that reason alone, this poem is one of the best poems I have ever read from you. Period. The only thing that I can think of that you might want to change is... well, nothing! Basically perfect! Keep writing amazing self-harm poems that inspire me to review them!
-ZeldaIsShiek
So looking through the other reviews, I see that the few things that popped out at me the most have already been talked about, which are:
1) "Lacking my usual, customary grace." I feel like it would flow better without the 'usual'
2) it flows better if you switch these two;
No silvery scars mark my wrists,
My hands are balled up in anxious fists.
This poem speaks to me, mostly because, well, I self harm. It seems like such a stupid thing, we hurt ourselves on accident and get upset, we hurt ourselves on purpose and it seems fine.
This is a very strong poem, because it completley true. and even though I think the last line should be worded differently (I'll explain what I mean in a minute) the poem overall is good.
The last line is weird, because obviously as many people have pointed out, you don't just ask someone, "Yo, whats up? Can I see your thighs?"
I feel like it should say something more along the lines of "They don't know about my thighs"
Well theres my take on it, keep on writing.
The emotion and thought that was put into this piece is absolutely breathtaking. You really excelled with the rhyming couplets, it brought the whole work together. Don't get me started on how much I love dialogue in poetry, I think it's the best thing since sliced bread, and It really added an extra oomph to the poem. The whole poem really makes you think about the subject, usually poems about self harm and such turn out to kinda look like '2 edgy 4 u', but you conveyed the seriousness pretty well.
All in all I very much enjoyed your poem, thank you for writing it.
Goodness, Biluata. This is absolutely incredible. It sent literal chills up my spine. I cannot relate to this happening to myself, but I can relate it to someone I love. My little sister used to self harm when she was younger and it absolutely made my heart burn. She was very young at the time and I wanted to protect her from the world. She tried to fool me this same way once, but I didn't fall for it. I tried to help her as much as I could with her problem because I wanted her to feel better and be happy.
The definite highlight of this piece is undoubtedly the end. It shows how some people can often overlook another person's pain because of what one only sees on the outside.
Absolutely beautiful piece.
Hey, Biluata!
Exceptionally written poem, awesome job! It felt very personal and I'm sure that those who have self harmed will surely connect to such an emotional poem. It was very well-written and I loved the way you wrote it, with a scenario, a sense of realism and with a deep emotion that only someone who has experienced something this awful would understand.
Wonderfully written and I look forward to reading your other poems, including the future ones, because you've earned yourself a follow!
MissLyricz x
This poem will really connect to those that have ever self harmed. I enjoyed your regular 2 line stanzas and rhyming couplets, really helped maintain a rhythm and clear voice. However i don't understand why the "reap what they sow" line is in there, while it continues your rhyming scheme I just don't understand what it adds in terms of the story you've created throughout the poem.
Anyway, other than that, this is a really good poem and I really enjoyed it.
Wow, this was good. I think it really strikes a chord with anyone who's ever hurt themselves. Emotionally, this poem is amazing. However, there are a few things as far as the way it's written that could be improved.
It's a bit confusing trying to figure out who the "they" referenced is. They seem like some kind of therapist or the like, but the line about reaping what they sow doesn't seem to quiet fit with that description.
Also, you use certain worsd repeatedly. Insist, wrists, and clever are all used multiple times. Using some kind of synonym would give the poem more variety.
Other than that, this is an excellent piece, and expresses a lot of emotion without too many lines.
Hey there, Biluata! Niteowl here to review.
Overall, this is really good. I feel like a lot of poems about self-harm tend to fall into certain cliches, but you've played on that rather well here. I'm also not normally a big fan of rhyme in serious poems like this, but again I think it flowed well.
Just a couple things I'd like to point out.
The meter seems a bit off here to me. I'd cut "usual" and then it flows nicely.
I think you could swap these two lines and it would flow slightly better.
I'm not sure "clever" is the right word here, especially since you've already used it. I think finding an appropriate replacement would depend on who "they" actually are. When I first read this, I read it as someone who means well, like a worried friend or relative, but doesn't have much actual experience or education with self-harm. In that case, I might think they'd be happy or relieved to learn the speaker is "clean".
But then, I might be wrong and "they" had bad intentions, like gossiping about the speaker. I get that impression from the next "reap what they sow" line, but I also think you could change the emotion to...disappointment, maybe? That they don't have something new to talk about? That's a bit trickier.
This is a powerful ending, but I agree with a few previous comments that asking "Hey, can I check your thighs?" is pretty awkward. I think a change to "But they never asked about my thighs" conveys the same idea but doesn't feel as intrusive.
Overall, this is a strong piece. Great job and keep writing!
Wow.
That's deep.
Especially the part about the thighs.
This poem gave me goosebumps.
The image of a friend amongst friends appeared in my head
Friends who judge the frantic friend
I think a twist of positivism would've been nice after the last line
Kind of like a turn around where the guy rambles on and notices hope.
But then again, you ended it with a cliffhanger which adds to the depth of the poem, adding more realism to it and breathing in some life.
That's the part that hooks me in like a fishing bait.
Awesome!
Wow, Biluata, very moving poem. I read some of the other reviews, and most of them seem to imply that there is some kind of humor within this poem, but I completely disagree. I could sense the emotion, and the fear coming off of the MC, the fear of someone finding out about what she does to herself (I assume it's a girl, but I don't know). I know people who harm themselves, and it hurts me to see them with their scars, like it hurt me to read this poem (I mean that in the best way).
I liked that you made it rhyme. I'm pleased to tell you that all your rhymes worked really well. Nothing seemed off or awkward, and the formatting choices you made were good ones. I think separating your poem every two lines made for very clear organization. Great job on portraying emotions; anxiety, regret maybe, worry that someone would find out, but almost hoping they would, so she wouldn't have to go through this alone.
Well done with this one, Biluata. Keep writing works like this, and every single one will (should) be featured!
~Caterpickle
Who the hell asks "can I see your thighs???????
"
Good poem though
Haiyaz. Very powerful poem, especially to those of us who have formerly self harmed. I really like the way that you did add about how they never check the thighs, and only the wrists. It is true that some don't cut on wrists instead they self harm on other areas of the body. I also really like the rhyming in this poem, the rhyming didn't take away from the poem itself and it flows nicely. Great job.
wow...powerful.
My first thought is how awkward she'd feel if they ask to see her thighs. I like ze poem, Bila. It's a bit sad on how some people assume you don't SH if you don't leave marks that can be seen by the public eye.
No, seriously, how awkward would it be if one day they were like "Oh, show us those thighs." Very, I imagine.Haha. what a punch. This is hilarious except it totally isn't.
Also, scars... scar over. usually there is evidence for YEARS after the cuts were made, so I don't think this is entirely plausible.
But overall, I think your rhyming was clever and you should totally be proud of yourself, because this was a graceful and, in the end, (pardon the pun!) cutting poem.
Hello there Satira. I just wanted to explain the point was someone asking the MC about self harm, or something along those lines and the MC convinced them he/she didn't self harm by proving there were no scars on her wrists ... because it's a common misconception that if people cuts, it's always on the wrists,
mm.. I guess that's true.
Hi Bilu!
Wow. This poem is very deep, and I hope you didn't have any personal experience to write it so well. I just wanted to make some suggestions which you can take or leave as you'd like.
Although the number of syllables matches the previous line, and it rhymes nicely, the rhythm still seems a little odd to me because to make it fit, you have to emphasize searching weirdly. If you want, you can change it to "in search of" instead, though I don't know if it matters very much to you.
It should be faces plural here, right?
Sorry, I'm picking on the rhythm again. Maybe leave out the "up" here if you want it to be really neat.
I'm really curious throughout who "they" are, and it's nice that you don't tell us because they remain some nameless, faceless people which highlights the narrator. The ending is quite sad, and it carries a lot of weight on the whole poem, and it's beautiful, simple, and horrible all at once. It's a perfect way to warp this up, and leaves the reader slightly blown away and feeling bad for the MC. I also glad that you included the phrase, "they reap what they sow" because I really like it, although I'm not quite sure what they have figuratively sown in this case.
Anyway, this is really gorgeous but sad, and you did a nice job with it. You especially did a good job with the rhyming, which can often be hard in poems like this. It all sounds great, sorry for picking on the rhythm a bit.
-Falco
*cries* What an ending.
Hello, Iamawriter here for a review.
(DISCLAIMER: I think you did a good job of making the lines flow together and used a good amount of description and that ending! Oh my gosh! I loved the way you left everyone in suspense until the last line. Now on to the review.)
~
THIS. IS. PERFECT. DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING! THE END!
this is very interesting a little confusing what's going on but I like it flows so beautifully. the "silvery scars" a interesting description that I like. the wording is great and see little that should be changed I also wish to know is there more of a story to this like a sequel or a prequel kind of because I really want to know what's happened.
I loved this! It really spoke to me. Keep up the great work!