Young Writers Society

Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

First of all, this poem is 100 percent true. I loved it! Everything is so perfect and beautifully written that there are no words to describe this poem. I did not notice any grammatical errors as such. The words flowed out seamlessly and covered the whole poem. It is very relevant and honest, and I am sure that most of us can relate to it. The first two lines of the fourth sentence were so beautiful.
"My best is a nervous stutter
With downcast eyes"
It portrays frustration and helplessness so well. Its my favorite here.

I know this is a very comment-ish review but there's not much which can be recommended to a poet of such a high caliber as you who has written such a magnificent and artistic piece. Keep up the lovely work!

Firstly, I love the title. Apathy is just a beautiful word, visually, and I just have to admit to having a sort of soft spot for it as to why I clicked on this great work here.

"this noose you allowed." LOVED this line. There's something so sad about the phrase 'you allowed' that sort of gave my visual goosebumps, if that makes sense. I needed a second because that line just hit me with everything it had.

I got so used to the safe landing of "but if the best I can do is apathy" that I was looking for it later on, so it would have been really wonderful to see a little more of that. I'm a sucker for meaningful repetition, so maybe I'm a little biased, but I did love seeing that toward the beginning for sure.

"My best is a nervous stutter with downcast eyes." I don't know if I've ever related to anything more that I've read on here. Took me right back to high school, and pretty much most of my adult life, if I'm being honest.

Gorgeous writing, loved the rhythm. Great work and thanks for posting it and gracing us with this because I loved it!

Hello there! It's hard to critic poetry because it can be so abstract, but I do have to say that this is a very dynamic piece. I can really feel the emotion dripping off this piece. I love how it addresses the issues of conformity and suicide. I find the repition of 'always doing your best" something that carries this piece emotionally. I think it forces us to reconsider what our society has come to. I also feel that it challenges our humanity. I really like the parallels you made with death and how everyone tries to make someone's death personal. Keep up the good work! This poem really made me think and I really enjoyed it. So thank you.

Hey there Biluata,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review

Nit-Picks

your disapproval [comma] spinning ‘round my neck

“What a shame, what a shame,[I would leave off this comma]

why is that not good enough, [leave off this comma]
when you say, “just do your best”? The question mark should be inside of the quotations.

It is making no sounds I would take off the 's' form sound.

about some petty injustice, [remove comma]

so [comma] more is what I’ve become.

when I get too passionate[comma] and my words

my eyes no longer shine bright [comma]
and the best I can manage [comma]