I’m sad,
but it feels like more than sad.
Perhaps less.
It feels
like a mess.
A bloody, glorious mess-
topside and inside out
or is it …
upside down and outside in?
Where is the STRUCTURE?!
Punctuation and stanzas fly.
Line breaks are
sudden
and sentences
Frag
ment
ed.
Because I’m sad.
My emotion knows no bounds.
It cannot be constrained
Restrained?
Consumed
by one pitiful little word.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Amazing. Well done, my friend. I can definitely relate, and I applaud the fact that you managed to do this emotion justice in just four stanzas. My one criticism is the line "A bloody, glorious mess." It sounds like you take pleasure in the sadness when you use the word "glorious". Try a sadder word, maybe. Overall, though, very well written! Good job!
This poem was fantastic, much better than the poems I write. My only suggestion is to leave out the ellipses in the 8th line. I feel that they are not needed, but at the end of the day, it is your choice. Other than that, beautiful job!
The poem is really good. I would like to make a suggestion... when writing poems, make sure you put the full sentence in the first line, then add a comma before making a second new sentence and so on. I really like how you express the sadness that's in you. Good job though!
Hi! Just in case you're going to continue making reviews on poetry, the placement of commas and the splitting up of sentences is really a style choice on the part of the author. If there's a specific section that is bothering you, as in, if you feel that the broken up bits don't sound right or it could sound better broken up in a different way, that's a bit more helpful than being super vague! I mean no disrespect to you, just letting you know in case you're going to write reviews for other people! Have a good day!
Oh okay! Sorry, it is just my first time writing a review... and I do not know so much about poetry. Thanks though
Hi Biluata!
I also liked the juxtaposition of "bloody" and "glorious" in the second stanza. The polarity of the two words made them a good choice.
I'm pretty new to this site so I don't really know how things work here, but here's my attempt at a review!
I really liked the flow of this poem; the enjambment created an almost breathless feeling. I especially loved the fitting breaking up of the word "fragmented".
I do have a few comments, but they are just my opinion.
An addition of the word "or" before the third line, "Perhaps less", might make everything run a bit more smoothly.
I also would prefer the 8th line without the ellipses.
Otherwise, I really loved the poem and your writing style.
Happy writing!
Lydia