Something’s broken deep inside, where no one else can see,
Something that can’t fix itself no matter how I plea.
Something’s broken deep inside, I can feel it in my blood,
Something comes pouring out of me in a never ending flood.
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Something’s broken deep inside, I can see it in my trembling hand,
Something has come unleashed inside and it cannot be banned.
Something’s broken deep inside, I feel it to my core,
Something smashed and battered the constant mask I wore.
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Something’s broken deep inside, I feel it in the pain,
Something fights within my mind as constant as the rain.
Something’s broken deep inside, I see it in my face,
Something opened a cosmos into outer space.
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Something’s broken deep inside, I try to stem the rush,
Something broke the calm and peaceful, ever constant hush.
Something’s broken deep inside, something I can’t fix,
Something is sitting back and laughing, certainly getting kicks.
You never cease to amaze us! This is great! I love the title, the idea, the concept, the organization, the feeling, the details, this is all just so spectacular! I really have no constructive criticism for you! It's already 98% perfect! (Missing 2% because no one's perfect! ;D)
Hey! Cello here!
Happy review day!
Ahh so I keep looking through your works and I've never been disappointed, you're a great writer. This poem though, I especially enjoyed. It's hard to keep such constant repetition from getting annoying but you made it work. The flow was really nice and all the rhymes were comfortable.
I would suggest maybe a different title though?
Yes, that's the line you're repeating, but it feels a little long for a title. Maybe simply 'Broken'?
The first 'verse' (Is that the right word?) was really strong. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the other verses but this one stood out. It really shows the inner struggle and hidden emotion that's being suffered in silence.
Also, the first two lines of each verse and the last two lines of each verse are always a sentence. I get it, trying to keep a pattern, but you might want to consider splitting them up.
Something’s broken deep inside, I try to stem the rush,
Something broke the calm and peaceful, ever constant hush.
Something’s broken deep inside, something I can’t fix,
Something is sitting back and laughing, certainly getting kicks.
Something’s broken deep inside, I feel it in the pain,
Hi,
Whoa! Repetition... No good, no good.
I'm so sorry for the 'No good, no good." things, but I must. Everyone got different mind, so my mind said that this repetitions used in your poem is quiet a little monotone and not suitable. But perhaps, they are good at certain places and at certain times. You used them in every line, making me wanted to hit my screen and making me dizzy. I hate them. For me, the simpler, the better[i/i].
[i]Pardon me for my rude introduction...
Nevertheless, the images that you conveyed here are quite vivid, I must say. It rhymes, good. However, in certain places, I felt they are fake, quite forced. Don't be mistaken, I do love your rhymes, but please revise.
I love you put the rain word into this. It's a good simile. And plus the space thing. AH! LOVELY!
I do feel the gloomy feeling that you put into this, making something broken deep inside of my heart. You made me used some sarcastic tone when I read this, I love hearing it and congrats for that. The theme is quite interesting as a blueberry pie. XD
Don't mind my joke and the theme is quite famous this day, making me to embrace the nowadays kind of thinking. Each day, more and more poems are sad to read. WHY? I asked to myself. I conclude that youth today is filled with griefs and problems. I know that because I've been thru it. Thus after reading this poem, I realized that life isn't easy. There are always things that broken deep inside especially with our soul and our heart. <3
And regarding punctuations, are you crazy!?
Forgive me for my vulgar word, but you used the some punctuations all over and over again. Like this:
,
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,
.
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,
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,
.
This, in my opinion, is a great piece of writing. I found it to be unique and interesting, as well as extremely relatable. What inspired you to write this piece, any personal adventures you've been on? I often feel like something is broken deep inside me as well, so I could relate in a very evident way. Keep on writing, I would love to see what else you have to offer the world.
This, in my opinion, is a great piece of writing. I found it to be unique and interesting, as well as extremely relatable. What inspired you to write this piece, any personal adventures you've been on? I often feel like something is broken deep inside me as well, so I could relate in a very evident way. Keep on writing, I would love to see what else you have to offer the world.
Hello again 
I do like this poem and it does stick to a coherent theme. I like your use of repetition with "Something's broken". Once again there are a few rhymes which are unnecessary and feel forced. While the repetition is nice you tend to repeat the same meanings with different lines. also have some lines which are cryptic and I assume they have deeper meaning than I can grasp. My point in this review is to just say that try not to be too cryptic and definitely try to only rhyme when it feels needed or if a particularly amazing rhyme comes to mind. Just for example the last rhyme you use definitely feels forced and unnatural. Fix and Kicks rhyme, no doubt about it, but the context doesn't much sense and it can disturb people's immersion in a poem when vocabulary seems out of place. You do many good rhymes here and I think you are talented, but I feel you might force yourself to rhyme when no good rhymes are possible. Good luck with writing and I hope to read more of your stuff soon, I hope you take my advice to heart and try to incorporate it into you writing!
~Pernicus
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