Fight me, bite me
Make me feel
I can deal with the ache
With the pulling of muscles
With the twinge
With the fiery burst from impact
I can deal with the tears
With the ebbs
With the adrenaline
With the rush
Punch me, kick me
Make me feel
Give me a reason to cry
A reason to give up
A reason to hurt
A reason to withdraw
Give me a reason to feel alone
A reason to hide
A reason to fear
A reason to die
Give my pain a name.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
OMG, THIS IS AMAZING! Do you realize that this poem effects so many other kids in the world! And I mean that in a GREAT way! You could give kids who are bullied at schools a reason to stand up for themselves and face their fears with confidence! With this poem, you could change a certain child's LIFE! Do you know how amazing that is?! You just made my day! That was GREAT! You're awesome! ^_^
You seem to have a natural voice in writing; I really enjoy your verbalization of such a sensitive selection of feelings. Personification was used well in a very subtle way which I can appreciate as a writer myself. Your word choice is very powerful but well suited; you use an aggressive array of words in a very calm beautiful way.
Thank you for sharing and please check back on my page at a later date to see some of my work. I just joined and was unable to have any posted, as it is review day.
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Thanks again, Bridget
You seem to have a natural voice in writing; I really enjoy your verbalization of such a sensitive selection of feelings. Personification was used well in a very subtle way which I can appreciate as a writer myself. Your word choice is very powerful but well suited; you use an aggressive array of words in a very calm beautiful way.
Thank you for sharing and please check back on my page at a later date to see some of my work. I just joined and was unable to have any posted, as it is review day.
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Thanks again, Bridget
Hi Biluata, Its Navy CDR here to do a review. First impressions, Its sounds super depressing! Dang, im not to sure if it is about a relationship or something else. Its very straight forward and to the point. I feel really bad for the person that is experiencing it! I feel that if you were going to make it better, make it a little more clear on who you are talking to or referring to using the poem. It makes it just a little confusing. I feel that the poem could possibly relate to a sport I really dont know but im guessing from when you used:
["I can deal with the ache
With the pulling of muscles"]
I really like your poem its very intense, and has a lot of detail on what the person is feeling. Great poem! Keep it up!
Hello there, Biluata!
It's nice to see poems all the time, and I believe that poetry is a key essential to literature. (Of course not the only key part, but personally I think it's one of the most valuable.)
So, I decided to read you poem...
Of course I'm no Shakespeare, but I believe I can give at least some opinion.
Enflicted has a valuable point. This poem does lack detail and context. I see where you are coming from with the repetition, and played correctly it can make a good poem great. But I feel there was a bit too much here. I really only see two starting phrases to each line, and it does lack a bit of "beef". There can definitely be some adjustments to this, and you should consider coming back and adding more depth. I really would like to see you add more emotion and passion to this.
Now, I don't want to sound completely critical, so I shall mention what I like about what you have presented here.
As I said before, I like the idea of repetition. It adds a bit of a strange element to it (Vocabulary is a struggle for me sometimes, so I don't know how to describe it,) that is strangely addictive to me. It's the kind of thing that makes you invested in learning the differences between each phrase. Another thing about this that I like is that you are clearly trying to convey your emotions in a very strong way.
Your poem shows much potential, and I hope to see how you change and grow in your writing!
~Much Luck and Wishes Of Literature Love,
Lady
This is a very good poem. I enjoyed how easy it was to read, but that doesn't mean not to go bigger. I think it would be helpful if you went and looked at my poetry for me. I've noticed people find it hard to find the meaning of mine, and yours is shown clearly. I love the idea of finding the reason for pain. Sometimes yes you don't even have a reason, but you are crying the same. I think If you keep writing poetry that would be okay, but maybe if you try something where you could put more detail you might find it to your liking.