My One and Only Love

Hey, EverWinter here for a review

I like this poem. I like the idea of flowers and stuff.

First thing you should do is look for better ways of describing this love. Its really cliche. Use different adjectives and metaphors. Keep the flowers but spice it up a little bit.

There really isn't much else to say about this. I mean, just work on it. Its so cliche... Just make it original, you know?

Thanks

EverWinter

Hi, here with a review. First of all, I wanted to say that tge tittle really grabbed my attention. I like how it rhymes because it gives it an beautiful effect. I also like your use of metaphors. The thing I loved most is how you've ended the piece. Overall, it was great, I really enjoyed it and keep writing.

I love the emotion behind the wording. I could not have put it better. Although there was one error that I saw. In line 8 you said "to much" it should be "too much". Other than that, it was great!

has a meat-grinder exam the next day, hasn't done anything in the past nine hours, and has to go to bed soon

decides to go to YWS

So, yeah. Hello again. Let's go over this nicely. I pretty much dislike free-verse poetry, thus I avoid reviewing them at all costs. But it's only right that I swoop in and at least get this poem some exposure.

First glance:

=the title sounds pretty cheesy lol, but it's alright
-Why is it separated in one-line stanzas? I think that's gonna make this boy a little bit harder to read.

For this I'll just focus on one particular part of the poem, and that will be the imagery and symbolisms. For the sake of clarity, I'll just say that certain words trigger images in my mind. For example, when I see the word "key," an image of a key will pop up in my head. I always operate like that, and this review will be affected by it.

One of the motifs in this poem is the rose, a classic symbol of romance/love. Looking at the first lines, I suppose the rose symbolizes this other person's love. The other's love was "almost given to the main character," whatever that would mean. The persona of this poem is heartbroken because it was not actually given to the persona. Now, the only thing in the persona's heart are the roses, and only this other person "holds the key." There is a desperate longing for the other person's touch. I suppose this is is trying to say that the persona had developed feelings for this other person and wants these feelings to be reciprocated.

But nope. The feelings are not reciprocated, and thus the flowers, or these feelings, die as they stretch and reach for this other person in vain. The petals then fade from vibrant hues, until they are pale and torn, as if they were buffeted by a roaring wind.

Then this is where it gets quite messy, imo. To make the long short, everything in the forest burns to the ground, but in the rubble a flower grows anyways, reaching for above. And insert cheesy romance lines. I believe this cycle of burning down to the ground and blooming once again is a symbolism of the emotional trials the persona is experiencing about this situation: he constantly falls into despair, but always rises back up. It's also fitting because this is the cycle of nature. Everything that dies (forest) serves to give life to new things (flower).

I lowkey think this guy needs to jump off a cliff. He stoopid. But I digress.

That's all for now. It's not really a review. I think this bad boy is a formal analysis of some sort. But hopefully this gave you a little bit of insight into what another person would think of your poem.

My only suggestion is to stick to the motif, or to keep everything relevant to it. Certain words can trigger certain images. One example was the forest. To be fair, the forest was kinda related to the rose, but I wouldn't place big-ass trees alongside low-lying flowers. They produce conflicting images.

I don't know how to put this into words, but when I saw "roses" and "heart," I thought this was an internal issue. Then I saw roses inside the persona's heart, reaching out for something that is so far away. After that, I saw the word "forest" and I was like "dude wtf there was a forest?" And so it took me a while to wrap my head around it.

So, yes. This concludes my long-ass thesis. I'm glad that I got to do this review for you. I hope this one will break my review dry-streak. And I hope this review will brighten your day up.