z

Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

I Heard He Said She Said I'm a Slut

by Biluata


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle.
Could you perhaps explain to me
the exact way to show off that sliver of skin
between the cuff of my shirt and the edge of my
mother-of-pearl glove buttoned tight against my skin.
Or perhaps
you could teach me the art of just barely-
brushing fingertips-
just enough so you can feel it,
but not any more.

Because I am apparently
a thing controlled only by hormone
with no sway in my own actions-
(because one thing only leads to another,
young lady,
and if you can be near a boy-
a young man-
so comfortably,
who knows where you'll stop?)

I'm just a teenage-hormone machine,
and my only drive
is for sex,
obviously.

I know that you're just
"looking out for me"
because you don't want me to be
another statistic,
another teenage pregnancy
with another silent tear-stained abortion.

But all I hear is static
and that all of a sudden I'm not a
"mature young lady" who
"has her head screwed on right".
I'm not "oh, she has such good grades"
or "she's going places" anymore.

I'm just some wanton slut
to you-
and maybe that's not how you see it
but that's how I hear it
and all of a sudden
that changes
everything.

So I'll compress my hurt
into a lead ball to sit comfortably
between my ribs
and remind me to not be so
optimistic.

Because perhaps you waited
months and months
to hold your boyfriend's hand-
but I don't love
like I have time
(like you tell me to-
because maybe he'll be "the one"
and then I'll have the rest of my life).

I love like I will loose him tomorrow
because odds are,
I will.

All things end.
All friendships, all connections-
and most frequently,
love.

But just because I see
what I have as finite-
does not mean that I'm going to
make the same mistake as my so called friends,
in dark rooms of seedy motels.

Because I do
have my head screwed on straight
and my priorities intact-
and while I may derive some pleasure
in the mutual warmth of a hug
and his familiar scent
I do indeed control my body
and my "teenage hormones"
do not define me.

Alors,
excusez-moi,
Madame.
I have come for my glove fitting-
and a corset drawn too tight.
I will be a perfect little lady, you see.
Shy and demure-
if only you'll explain it to me. 

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User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 10
Reviews: 6

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Sat Oct 21, 2017 1:44 pm
autumnalmascot wrote a review...



Hello~ Here for a review!

Despite knowing the blatant irony of the Victorian clothing references at the beginning and end I find myself falling in love with the imagery. You have a way with words that I can't quite describe, but unfortunately, this is a review and I must try my best :P

"you could teach me the art of just barely-
brushing fingertips-"

This line is probably my favourite. The alliteration of barely and brushing add physicality to the poem and that physicality reflects the subject matter. But then the imagery not quite as concrete. Brushing fingertips being slightly more abstract.

"a thing controlled only by hormone"

Nitpicking: but you forgot an 's' at the end of hormones.

"So I'll compress my hurt
into a lead ball to sit comfortably
between my ribs"

Nope nevermind, this is my favourite. You've done really well with making the lead imagery tangible.

This line:
but I don't love
like I have time

as well as this line:
I love like I will loose him tomorrow

Anchor the previous physicality to an emotion and it's also about here where I've basically sold my soul to this poem XD
(another nitpick: is loose meant to be lose? or did you mean turn him loose/free him?"

Overall this is a wonderful poem and super enjoyable to read. keep writing!




User avatar
54 Reviews

Points: 167
Reviews: 54

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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:27 pm
woahhitherepal wrote a review...



Hello I'm here to review your poem a little (:
I really loved this poem. It's so straight to the point and brutally honest.
with that aside lets get into the actual review part.
I didn't catch any grammar or spelling mistakes ( I'm not the best to look for those things though so maybe someone else might/has)
the flow was VERY nice and I had no difficulty reading this and I didn't have to go back and reread things to understand what you were saying.
So again, I did really like this poem, a lot. The imagery is spot on and it really perfectly describes the situation.
Great job and I look forward to seeing more from you!!
Have an amazing day and happy Halloween 17th (:
>Adrian




User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 9818
Reviews: 16

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Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:58 am
AlexOfLight says...



Man this is freaking amazing! Best poem I've ever read. Well one of them anyways. My best friend is a guy, and people ask us if we are together, and I tell them no.




User avatar
364 Reviews

Points: 15630
Reviews: 364

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Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:04 am
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Biluata! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle. {Ooooooo, French!}
Could you perhaps explain to me
the exact way to show off that sliver of skin
between the cuff of my shirt and the edge of my
mother-of-pearl glove buttoned tight against my skin.
Or perhaps
you could teach me the art of just {barely-brushing fingertips -}
just enough so you can feel it,
but not any more.

Because I am apparently
a thing controlled only by hormone{s}
with no sway in my own actions -
(because one thing only leads to another,
young lady,
and if you can be near a boy -
a young man -
so comfortably,
who knows where you'll stop?)

I'm just a teenage-hormone machine,
and my only drive
is for sex,
obviously. {In the words of Roblox: Oof.}

I know that you're just
"looking out for me"
because you don't want me to be
another statistic,
another teenage pregnancy
with another silent{,} tear-stained abortion.

But all I hear is static
and that all of a sudden I'm not a
"mature young lady" who
"has her head screwed on right{.}"
I'm not "oh, she has such good grades"
or "she's going places" anymore.

I'm just some wanton slut
to you -
and maybe that's not how you see it
but that's how I hear it
and all of a sudden
that changes
everything.

So I'll compress my hurt
into a lead ball to sit comfortably
between my ribs
and remind me to not be so
optimistic.

Because perhaps you waited
months and months
to hold your boyfriend's hand -
but I don't love
like I have time
(like you tell me to -
because maybe he'll be "the one"
and then I'll have the rest of my life).

I love like I will loose him tomorrow
because odds are,
I will.

All things end.
All friendships, all connections -
and most frequently,
love.

But just because I see
what I have as finite -
does not mean that I'm going to
make the same mistake as my so called friends,
in dark rooms of seedy motels.

Because I do
have my head screwed on straight
and my priorities intact -
and while I may derive some pleasure
in the mutual warmth of a hug
and his familiar scent
I do indeed control my body
and my "teenage hormones"
do not define me.

{Separate stanzas}

Alors,
excusez-moi,
Madame.
I have come for my glove fitting -
and a corset drawn too tight.
I will be a perfect little lady, you see.
Shy and demure -
if only you'll explain it to me.


This is very good, very precise, amazing imagery. I don't agree with the reviewer below that the flow could use work. Except for the one line or two, your flow is very good! Your main problem seems to be with the dashes. My system doesn't allow me to point it out, so I'll explain it to you -

Every time you use a dash, unless it's to connect a word, you use a space before and after it. Or, in this poem's case, an enter. Like so:

"Tom had a harpoon gun - a shiny, gray one with a smooth side - and shot it at Tord's giant robot."

"Tord - a slightly psychotic communist, as he was known to Tom - unleashed his giant robot at Tom and his friends."

"Edd was devastated - he had thought that Tord was his friend - and Matt... well, Matt just had forgotten who the heck Tord was."

Yes, those are connected. They're from a fandom called Eddsworld which I extremely recommend checking out.

Great job on your poem.

Keep up the good work.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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User avatar
13 Reviews

Points: 26
Reviews: 13

Donate
Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:17 pm
ashpandas wrote a review...



Hello there I'm ashpandas, and I really really liked this. You did a great job. My only comment is I think in some places there are flow issues through out it where there are maybe too many words or the words just didn't quite flow together. Other than that you don't have to change anything else if you don't want to. I just came to write a quick review to tell you good job I like that I can clearly understand the message you are trying to show. I can relate to the thoughts of this too... in this society you can't really be anything without harsh criticism from someone. Especially when it comes to this topic. So again good job, good luck, and I hope to see more from you.





It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief