Wow! That was amazing! It personally made me feel the heart ache, and the imagery was amazing! The adjectives really pulled the whole things together, and it was amazing!
I fear this sadness will swallow me whole-
its needle claws are reaching up
from somewhere between my ribs,
waving like feelers as it
scents the air for the cloying sweet smell
of happiness decomposing-
candy guts swimming in gelatin blood
(can we find our happiness there?)
Because my friends
(my so-called friends)
always ask, ‘Why don’t you eat more?’
Why can’t you understand,
there’s no happiness to be found in food
and in a perpetual search for a
desperately needed cure-
why waste my time on something
that brings no pleasure?
Because I fear this sadness will swallow me whole
and I’m growing weary of this constant running
with no direction and no sense of purpose-
just running,
as if staying in motion can stave away the drowning.
Sometimes it can,
but it rarely
does.
It doesn’t even feel like sadness-
more like some deep set longing
(like an itch that can’t be scratched);
if I’m not happy,
then would it not make sense
that I am sad?
This is a longing for those peaceful
sunny days when the clouds were mere wisps
in a crystal blue sky, when I was calm
and my mind did not war with my heart.
But I fear that this sadness will swallow me whole,
and steal away the vibrancy of the sunshine
and the beauty of an autumn breeze.
I feel my colors slipping away.
Sometimes we must resign ourselves
to living our lives out
in
monochrome gray.
Wow! That was amazing! It personally made me feel the heart ache, and the imagery was amazing! The adjectives really pulled the whole things together, and it was amazing!
Hi there, I'm trying to get better at reviewing poetry, so here we go!
I fear this sadness will swallow me whole-
its needle claws are reaching up
from somewhere in between my ribs, I think this makes it flow better
waving like feelers as it
scents the air for the cloying sweet smell I'm not sure 'scents' is the right word choice here
of happiness decomposing-
candy guts swimming in gelatinous blood Again, I think this flows better
(can we find our happiness there?) I think italics help with emphasis
Because my friends
(my so-called "friends")
always ask, ‘Why don’t you eat more?’
Why can’t you understand,
there’s no happiness to be found in food
and in a perpetual search for a
desperately needed cure-
why waste my time on something
that brings no pleasure?
Because I fear this sadness will swallow me whole
and I’m growing weary of this constant running
with no direction and no sense of purpose-
just running,
as if staying in motion can stave away the drowning.
Sometimes it can,
but it rarely
does.
It doesn’t even feel like sadness-
more like some deep set longing
(like an itch that can’t be scratched);
if I’m not happy,
then would it not make sense
that I am sad?
This is a longing for those peaceful Maybe you could separate this into another stanza?
sunny days when the clouds were mere wisps
in a crystal blue sky, when I was calm
and my mind did not war with my heart.
But I fear that this sadness will swallow me whole,
and steal away the vibrancy of the sunshine
and the beauty of an autumn breeze.
I feel my colors slipping away.
Sometimes we must resign ourselves
to living our lives out
in
monochrome gray.
Hello, Biluata! @neptune here for a review!
First, right when we jump into this, I see that there is a simple grammatical error.
it’s needle claws are reaching up
scents the air for the cloying sweet smell
(can we find our happiness there?)
(my so-called friends)
and the beauty of an autumn time breeze.
Because I fear this sadness with swallow me whole
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