Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Oh the bitter irony, of when you are staring down the barrel of a gun,
Your eyes slam shut, as if you can prevent what is happening.
I am there, holding the gun, in my bloodstained hands,
Ashamed of what I have done, but branded with many bands.
Oh the bitter irony, that your voice fails to work,
As you try to not beg and plead for your life, but do so anyway.
I am there, listening to your cries, listening to you plead,
Regretting every moment that I will make you bleed.
Oh the bitter irony, when your heart beats faster and faster,
Knowing each heartbeat will pump blood out of your body.
I am there, watching your face, trying not to shake,
I am not who I pretend to be, a killer I must make.
Oh the bitter irony, when you can feel the blood in your veins,
Knowing it will soon stain the floor.
I am there, stalling, trying not to flee,
Wondering what kind of person you see.
Oh the bitter irony, that when the initial shot happens,
You hear a bang, but feel nothing.
I am there, my finger tightens on the trigger,
Standing there, watching, as the pool of red gets bigger.
Oh the bitter irony, when you fall to the floor in a state of shock,
Wondering blindly, why everything is so dark all of a sudden.
I am there, watching your eyes close,
As you suffer in deaths throes.
Oh the bitter irony, when you realize your death will be slow,
And painful as you wait for death to come.
I am there, listening to the moans,
Shuddering with every painful groan.
Oh the bitter irony, when you realize, that you don’t want to die,
And start bargaining with every god, any god for your life.
I am there when you start to plead,
The wound in your chest, continuing to bleed.
Oh the bitter irony, when the shock comes,
And your eyes slam into your skull from the pain.
I am there, as you shake and are dying,
My pulse races and then is flying.
Oh the bitter irony, when you forget you had just bargained for your life,
And begin to wish that you were dead, even though, soon, you will be.
I am there, regretting what I had done,
This web of evil I had spun.
Oh the bitter irony, that death, is the end of one life,
But the beginning of another.
I am there, but I walk away,
Leaving that body that cold day.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Heyy.
I The repetition here was quite cool. But there's something that I think didn't quite fit in.
Yay I liked it
If you actually think from a killer's point of view, this won't be the real thinking of the killer. A killer gets all ruthless and brave when there is a gun in his hand. He doesn't think of anything else at all, there are various situations where the killer HAS TO kill, and has no other option. But your composition didn't make me feel like the second option was right over here. Basically, a killer would feel guilty (depends) AFTER killing the person or whatevs. If you had to write about feeling guilty, you should've written about the killer's recollections. And guilt. If you were trying to say something else here, please let me know.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
<3
Thanks Reet. The formatting what a lot different in my original poem and I'm wondering if it would have made it a little more, it somehow got screwed up on here. Every verse is the killer, the other verses are the victim.
Got that
Hi Bilu,
I'm just going to say that this was a great poem with good visual language and excellent structure. There were just a few places where I would suggest wording changes, but the poem is wonderful and well written already.
Some places where I might suggest change:
I think you'll need an apostrophe to make deaths into death's. You could also say "As you suffer in your death throes" although your way is fine.
Since you just used death in the line above, I suggest changing death in the second line to it.
It may be better if you say "I am there, as you are shaking and dying,".
Um. You've been writing in present tense thus far... use have instead of had for those two.
Well, I think that's it. This was a great poem, and I loved your repetition of the words "Oh the bitter irony".
Good job!
-Falco
Thanks Falconer!